What If
by WackyGoofball
Summary: What if a vampire met a werewolf and both started to live together? What if they grew to be best friends, who share all pain and all joy? What if this friendship reached deeper than they admit? What will happen to them? Can two rivaling species live the dream of humanity, with a ghost in tow? Read to find out. Aidan/Josh, more Josh!whumpage than normal, AU, OOC-ish. Please Enjoy ;)
1. YOLO, really?

**Being Human: _What If_**

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(Long) Author's Note: Hello, everyone! So, this is my first Being Human fanfic I post. I'm a fan, but I have to admit that I didn't watch all episodes because the airing times in my country just never fitted ;)

Therefore, the warning: It might be inaccurate here and there. English is not my native language, so I apologize for such inaccuracies also. I'm still new to the website, but I wrote before I actually discovered this fabulous forum here. I tend to weird sentences at times, but that is not necessarily because of me writing in English, but because I just think this way, even in my native tongue. I'm a weird little bird^^

Okay, so here goes my first real attempt at a slash, though I don't think I will make this a smutty piece. I am not too proficient writing these. Since it is slash, I guess it goes without saying that this is OOC and AU, though I still hope I will capture the characters to some degree.

So, I have to profess that I dig two things about Being Human: Josh-whumpage/ hurt!Josh and the idea of Aidan/Josh. The chemistry between them is just so great that I, as a fan of the show, honestly hoped that this would happen at some point. To me, it's more than a simple bromance. And that's what inspired me to write such a piece.

When starting it, I actually (for one of the first times ever) jumped to the conclusion that I wanted to title it "What If" almost right away, because usually I come up with a title only once I am halfway through the story. However, that was the question that always went through my head when I started to imagine how the story could have gone for that one circumstance changed that there is the possibility that Aidan and Josh may end up together, or share more than brotherly feelings.

Therefore, here is my take on it. At first I wanted to rewrite each episode, but I don't think this would be very productive – and it'd be little entertaining... and I love the show too much to change just everything about it. Thus, to understand the mainframe here, I will leave episodes "unharmed" in canon and just take up on those that I either want to stress for a moment or actually change and thus make it AU.^^

Anyway, I hope you'll enjoy it, if not... I'm deeply sorry for stealing your time ;)

Disclaimer: I don't own Being Human, I don't own its characters. I don't own anything. If I did, those two would be my willing servants to bring me tea and baked goods... and I'd be extremely happy.

Reviews are always welcome and very much appreciated.

Read, review, and hopefully enjoy ^_^

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_Life. Surprisingly something each living creature yearns for. And isn't that already a paradox? Something, someone alive... is actually the one craving for it? Holding on to it with bare hands, with bloody fingernails if it has to be, though we long since have it, ever since we took our first breath? _

_Isn't it rather that we crave those things we **don't** have? Isn't that why we are hopeful? Because we dare to dream of what we can't have, that seems so far out of reach? Or why we are envious? Craving others' achievements, their success, their money, beauty, fame? Aren't those our dreams? We want what we can't have, but life... we **do** have. Still we crave it, want to exploit it, so far that it collapses upon itself. We write "You Only Live Once" on our T-shirts, speed down the highways at too high-speed, or go parachuting to give ourselves a kind of reassurance that we are indeed alive, that this thrill, this throb in our chests is real. Even if such a banner is more of a farce. _

_You only live once. **So what? **_

_Does that mean you have to live up to expectations or neglect them? Does that mean that you have nothing to wish for anymore, because all worlds shall end for you once the time comes? Or is it just a reminder for everyone to live from moment to moment, make the best out of it? That is probably what most want to believe, even if that seems rather odd also. Because the feeling, the style, this slogan seems to entail is that you have to live out loud, live wild, don't think about tomorrow, be relevant, make a difference, let it roar. _

_And that is bullshit. _

_Yes, you can go parachuting, bungee-jumping, go to concerts, travel around the world, take stupid pictures of you happily smiling into the camera, even when not everything on that vacation was happy, even when only ten percent were. Because you had a fight with your friend just earlier the day, because someone stole your wallet or your purse. Because you had a nasty food poisoning. Still you take that picture, to have something to glue into the scrapbook. You smile even through the pain. Because no one gets out the camera when you cry. You only want happy memories to remember. After all, you only live once. So who wants to remember anything but the great things that went on in your life? Who wants to remember the times you got ditched, neglected, were left behind, hurt, when you lost everything, friends, family, when your life was turned upside-down, when everything you believed in was taken away from you, by the thieves of time and misfortune? So is that slogan not more of a way for us to escape the reality that our lives consist not only of those jumps and concerts, but rather of so many bad memories and pains that we would drown in them if not for those few to pull us through the day? We want to be remembered as the kind of person who "lived" his or her life "to the fullest". We want to be remembered for the good things. Just as we want to remember the good things. Even if that means that a part of us has to die. And we say so while at the same time we wear the banner of "You Only Live Once" – let that part die for as long as the other part of you is still alive. Because life's too short to wallow in self-pity? Perhaps that's valid enough. _

_However, on a wider page, it's just bullshit also. Because those people who do believe in these words are those who do what was just mentioned, go parachuting, put their lives on the line for a risk, a thrill, to feel alive when being alive, by definition, means no more than that your body and mind are still functioning. And don't they do that also for the things that you don't take pictures of? What you don't put in an album labeled "the most awesome and outrageous things I did in my life that I shall always be remembered for by the rest of the world"? Even if it is as the slogan says and we only live once, then why do we have to live the outrageous life, the one that roars? Why can't we live a silent life? Is that less of a life or does it stand not as true to these words of using the moment? It seems that the only difference is that those who live between those lines are not... remembered. And that is what the "You Only Live Once"-bearers may make them neglect this perspective. Because we want to matter. We want to matter to others. We want this life, if it is indeed the only one we have, to matter, be significant. Because after the page is turned and the book is closed... it's closed. _

_Because you only live once. There is no other life to fix things, set things straight, do it better, at least according to that slogan. _

_And isn't that honestly something that should put somebody in a sad mood and **not** a good one? _

_We do not just crave desperately for life, but we want it to matter also, as though that was the only thing able to actually make it a life. For as long as we matter, for as long as we are remembered, we are alive, isn't that what some people say? So, by the end of the day, it comes down to what already the first creatures roaming the face of earth fought for – a bloody struggle for survival. For this life. We want to live, and we think or grow up in the belief that our life can only be a life if it matters. _

_We crave life so desperately that we even take death as a price. _

_We seem to be just that stupid._

_Because you only live once. _

_But perhaps we are just thinking too far for a slogan that others just put on T-shirts, along the lines of silly jokes, emblems or band names. If so, the question remains, however: Why do we crave life when we have it? Why are all living creatures so desperate to survive and don't just welcome death once he comes, embrace him and let him embrace us? Just where does that desperation come from? _

_Is it inherent to us living creatures? Or do dead things have the same kind of desperation, as our opposite? Do they have peace where we have turmoil? Knowledge where we have questions? Acceptance where we disbelieve? _

_Why don't dead things crave to live? _

_Or do they? _

_If we gave them a voice, learned to listen – what would they say? Would they beg like us? **Please, let us live, please, show mercy**! Would those dead things also ponder on how they have to matter to be alive? Or would they ponder on how they once mattered and now no longer or beg us to make them matter again? And if they were, wouldn't that make us ever the cruel? That we still scream for it when we long since have it, while others cry out for it and are not heard because we are simply louder? Because we want to roar? Or does the cruelty indeed stem from the circumstance that even if we are alive, this is not our own doing, but that of some power, whatever the shape, that grants us this faint glimmer of hope to fill our hearts and even allow for the dead matter to dare to hope? _

_In the end... everything is cruel, seemingly. _

_Life itself is. _

_And still, still, we all scream for it, maybe just some louder as others._

_We'd die to live..._

_Because we are actually afraid that we only live once. _

_That is the endless cycle of life and death, the mill of our fears that we only live once and that we don't matter.  
_

_And it goes round and round again..._

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It is one of these days. These days which absolutely, royally suck. When you think it can't get any worse – and then comes the low below the low. An abyss behind you, an abyss to your sides, and one in front of you. The only thing left to your choice is which one you'd like to jump into. Welcome to the American Dream.

And amidst such abysses stands Josh Levison, or rather, he is crouching on the ground, the first snow flakes biting into his skin along with the gravel of the alley. Not only is he a monster, not only was he forced to leave everything behind, not only is he working in a diner for lousy payment when he actually has a college degree and used to go to friggin' med school – _med school_! – but now he is getting kicked to the ground by a pair of strangers, for _no_ reason. Yeah, only he seems to get that lucky.

And Josh can't help but ask himself just when does it stop? Just when does the pain finally leave him, allows him to fade away to that blissful state where he sees no more, hears no more, speaks no more... and feels no more?

Maybe Josh should just let them kill him – then this would be over, right? All of it, just over... because it's not like there is much of anything to hold on to, other than life itself. And life, so Josh had to learn the very hard way, can have such a bitter taste that you want nothing but to throw up your guts. So honestly, where is the point in living if you dread your own life?

The brunet man cowers on the ground as white-hot pain explodes in his stomach and face. Maybe Josh should have taken the overdose of pills after all... that would be less painful, that much is for certain. He lets out a groan, partly because of the pain, partly because of the growing annoyance of himself – because he can't even die properly as it seems.

"Marcus!" a voice, deep, imperious, almost like a growl suddenly rings behind them. One of the men, _Marcus_ seemingly, turns his head with a smug smile tugging at his lips, "Whatcha want, Aidan?!"

"Leave him alone already," _Aidan,_ as it turns out, sighs, his voice annoyed. He steps closer, leaving dark footsteps in the light coat covering the street in snow like loose wool scattered over the ground.

"He's a mutt," the man snarls.

"Did he attack you?" Aidan argues sternly. "If not, there's no reason to play around with him."

"You and your fake vegetarianism, it's making me sick, Aidan," Marcus growls, but that is when the raven with spiky hair is right in his face, his voice a snarl, "Get lost. Now."

"Or what?" Marcus huffs.

"If Bishop were to decide between you and me, whom do you think would he choose, huh?" Aidan threatens him. Marcus actually seems somewhat distressed for a moment, but then simply retorts with a sneer, "Teacher's pet."

"Now get lost already," Aidan repeats in a low growl. Marcus, to make his point again, kicks Josh one last time in the midriff, knocking the air out of his lungs, making white dots dance on the edges of his vision, just like big snow flakes.

"Bastard," Aidan mutters under his breath, but Marcus is unimpressed, just flips him the bird and then sets off with his friend in tow. Aidan contemplates to just go with them, but he is pissed at the coven and Bishop anyways, for brushing off his ideas, the ones that grant more humanity in a world where this is a good and as rare as diamonds and rubies. However, that is something no one seems to hear, no one _wants_ to hear, because it's so much easier, so much more _fun_ to go the easy way of giving in to temptation, even if that marks their ultimate doom – something his kind is likely to ignore. Aidan long-since gave up on the idea that he can change the nature of _what_ he is, but he still dares to hope that there is something about _how_ he lives his life, or what's left of it, that he can change for the better and actually make him less of a monster than he is by blood.

He is pulled out of his thoughts at the noise of the guy cowering on the ground as he hacks for much needed air, something Aidan can't deny he envies him for at some point. To breathe. Have a heartbeat. Live. The raven man crosses the last steps over to the brunet and crouches down, "Hey, uhm..."

But before he can even utter an actual word, Josh flinches away from him. That is the moment their eyes actually meet for the first time. Brown pools fade into black pools. Darkness has them both, something the two are instantly aware of as their worlds collide through four dark orbs. There is an odd sense of familiarity in the foreignness they share. Both have this anguish boiling behind their eyelids, an immense fire of passion and passionate hate, resent, but also a small flicker, a white specter of light that leaps out of the darkness, a glimmer of hope, a will to fight, to come out of the obscurity and see the world beyond. Yet, the source remains in the shadows.

"I'm sorry about that... my... _brother..._ he's an asshole," Aidan grimaces with a portion of sympathy in his voice, though he honestly asks himself why it is there to begin with. This is still a mutt, and even if he is not into torturing them the way Marcus is... nature demands that their kinds always end up in this senseless game of cat and mouse, a blood feud reaching so far back that no one can even pinpoint the actual cause of the hatred anymore. As though hatred can simply grow out of habit, that you literally can't smell each other anymore – and that this is enough to justify rage and the want to kill the other. When everyone already forgot why you fight, except for _that_ you fight. Because, to Aidan, that is exactly what war was and always will be about – simply to fight, shed blood.

However, Aidan doesn't feel resent for this one, for some unexplainable reason. Maybe he is just too pissed at the coven and the world to bother about the hatred for a night. Even his kind can show some benevolence, right? That doesn't mean you change sides or play for the different team, you are just... being generous for once. No harm done, right?

Aidan stretches out his hand to the brunet man, but he just flinches away again, holding his stomach against the pain, "Just... l, leave me alone, please."

And Josh could smack himself for actually pleading this guy so pathetically that his voice is sounding as though on the verge of tears. He is a grown man, for goodness sake! He can't cry after something like this. Men suck it up, don't they? Maybe he should have listened to Em after all and put on some muscles. Less brain, more muscles. Then he could stop contemplating about how shitty his situation is but simply go after Marcus and punch him in the nose, even at the risk of ending his own life. However, that is over now anyways. Everything is over and Josh just wants curl in on his side and cry. Just when does the humiliation finally end?!

"Hey, you could show at least some gratitude. I saved your ass, even though that is actually against both our nature," Aidan huffs.

"... w, what?" Josh stammers, staggering to his feet, just to fall back on his knees. Aidan wants to help him, for _some_ reason, but the man brushes him off. For someone who didn't fight back against Marcus at all, he is more of a fighter than Aidan had taken him for, though it was already clear in his eyes. Even if there is pure resignation in his brown orbs, so is an undying will.

"What? Oh, c'mon. You're a mutt, so it's not natural that I make the effort, okay? So stop kidding me," Aidan rolls his eyes. Really, that mutt is testing him, or what is the matter here? He should rather plead for life and run, or at least mumble thank yous... and _then_ run. And even if Aidan understands that the poor guy can't run because his legs won't support him, he can't help but frown at the wolf's confused facial expression. He really doesn't seem to understand the situation here.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Josh brings out, his ribs protesting. Just what does he mean with _mutt?_ And what other _kind_ is there? Josh knows he is a monster, but how would that guy know? It's not that time of the month yet and he didn't transform yet. So what is that guy saying?

"Wow, okay, so you want me to spell it out for you?" Aidan rolls his dark eyes at him. "You as a _werewolf_ shouldn't expect help from my kind. Actually, the reaction you got from Marcus is what you'd usually get from any of us."

"... h, how do you know that I'm a...," Josh babbles helplessly, his eyes so wide that they threaten to fall out of their sockets. Aidan, growing annoyed, simply flashes his fangs at the man, his eyes turning onyx, "Vampire, rivaling race... should ring a bell with you, right?"

"... oh my God, you're a vampire?! A _vampire?!"_ Josh cries out pathetically, his voice betraying him. And he hopes it's not just his voice betraying him, but his senses also, that he didn't actually hear what he think he just heard. Vampires?! _Seriously,_ world?!

"Hey, why don't you scream it a bit louder, I think the guys across the streets haven't heard you yet," Aidan snorts. As if a snake just bit him, Josh tries to rush off, but his legs simply give away and he falls back on the ground, leaving more bruises and abrasions on his already battered body. Aidan, ever the calm, gets up from his crouching position, just to crouch back down in front of Josh, blocking his path another time, holding up his palms in a defensive way, "You don't have to be afraid. I won't do anything to you, alright?"

Josh's breath still hitches, but he makes no attempt to move. His body is refusing to stir at all for some reason. It's as though his body is taking over his mind's command. He just wants to get away from here, but his legs won't move. Maybe Josh should go for some place far away from Boston after all? This is his own personal hell all over again. The guy who ever talked about the rainbow after the storm should better not come Josh's way. He'd just punch him to pulp for spreading such lies.

Rainbows are no more than optical illusions also. They are lies, just as is any wink of fortune that swings Josh's way, as it seems.

"So... the others who just... they too?" Josh brings out. Aidan tilts his head in curiosity. Even though it's clear that the man is terrified, he still seeks information, knowledge. That is a rare feature, or at least it became, so Aidan had to observe over the past too many years.

No one wants to know anymore.

People just try to forget. Not that he is any exception.

"Yeah," Aidan nods eventually.

"... h, how do you know w, what I am?" Josh brings out, his voice shaking more than he wants it to. After all, he is just in the eyes of what turns out to be a vampire – if this doesn't turn out to be some really crazy Halloween joke that's way past Halloween – and still, he feels that almost overtaking urge to ask questions about this dark world, the dark dots that loom around normalcy, the spots in which he lives in a while now. Is there actually someone who shares his pain, if only on a different level? In a different specter of that darkness?

"You smell like wet dog to us," Aidan shrugs, making a face. That is one of the reasons vampires can't stand to be around them for long. The smell is just too disgusting... though this one is at least bathing regularly, because Aidan can't say that it is _unbearable_ at this moment, though the moon is not that far away, so he knows – as a matter of precaution. Because as much as vampires hate to admit it to themselves, a werewolf on a full moon is something that can rip even them to shreds, more likely than they want it to.

"Oh...," Josh grimaces, knitting his eyebrows. Aidan has to suppress a smile at the way he looks now, almost like a teenager suddenly.

"So? What are you doing in Boston of all places? This is like... prohibited area for your kind. We own this place," Aidan grimaces. Because that is something he honestly doesn't get. Werewolves are rather rare around the area because of the vampires having such strong influence. Of course there are exceptions, but usually werewolves know better than to pick bigger territorial fights they know they cannot win – and that is true for this area. This is vampire area. That guy's alpha must truly be an idiot.

"... until a minute ago I didn't even know there was... something else. I thought I was... the only one," Josh admits. There is no point in holding it back anymore, is there?

"... just who the hell is the idiot of an alpha that turned you?!" Aidan shakes his head, but doesn't wait for an answer. "C'mon, let's get you up and to somewhere warm. I mean, I don't need it, but you seemingly do."

"I'm fine, thanks. You... you did enough. Thanks," Josh argues, biting his lower lip.

"I don't bite," Aidan huffs, but then starts to chuckle. "Well okay, I kinda do, but not you. We don't bite werewolves because of the smell."

"It's really enough. You saved me. So please, go back to your family or whatever," Josh argues vehemently. Really, much more of a fighter than Aidan ever anticipated.

"You can hardly stand and I feel benevolent today... and it will piss off Marcus, so that's already a gain," Aidan jokes. Why is he doing this? Why does he bother with this werewolf? Aidan doesn't know. Maybe it's his eyes, or that he seems funny. Maybe Aidan just needs distraction for a night, but... for the first time in a long time, the vampire feels an honest smirk creeping up his lips.

Josh hesitates as the man stretches out his hand to him again, "I'm Aidan Waite. You are?"

Josh puckers his lips, but then actually takes Aidan's hand, "Josh Levison."

Aidan pulls him up without an effort – the guy is really, really strong, Josh has to admit. The vampire smiles at him with a wink, "Nice to meet you, Josh."

"Nice... to meet you, too," Josh grimaces, because he feels cold hands in his, but still warmth creeping up into his body, all the way to his heart for some unexplainable reason.

Maybe he is not alone after all?

And that possibility, that tiny specter of light is so tempting for Josh that he can't do anything but hold on to it, if only for a minute, a second, the blink of an eye. Because then, for this fleeting moment, he wouldn't feel alone anymore, as though the world already excluded him and tossed him in the abyss of no return.

Aidan guides him away from the diner, figuring that Josh probably doesn't want to explain the bruises to his boss, something the younger man gratefully accepts. They settle in a small, shady bar not far away from the diner, choosing a corner so secluded that no one can hear them talking. For a while, the men just look at each other, trying to overcome the tremor filling them at the realization that they are seated next to their natural rivals. Though the rivalry is more on Aidan's part than Josh's, because Josh is too unfamiliar with the situation entirely that he can't develop hatred or rivalry, yet anyways.

Instead, the brunet only feels a tremor of fear and terror rising within him, rocking his chest. If what Aidan says is true... then who tells him that the vampire won't just take advantage of his injured body and simply kill him the first chance he gets? Josh could smack himself for being that easy-believing at times. He believed in fortune once, that he had it, that he was the luckiest man ever, with all prospects in the world, well, that's over in a while now. Josh also believed in God once, but now no longer. Though he would like to, love to, but he can't believe in a God if he allows such pain to happen, whereas Josh can't tell that he's ever done so much bad to deserve so much darkness in his life that it readily devours him in one piece.

"So... how long have you been in Boston?" Aidan asks, seeking to break this oppressive silence looming over them.

"A few months... I don't know. I lost track of time," Josh sighs, shifting his weight from one side to the other.

"Where are you from?" Aidan asks.

"Ithaca, New York," Josh shrugs. "You?"

"Boston original... as in _literally_ Boston original," Aidan smirks.

"... is it true that you like... live so long?" Josh asks in a hushed voice, curiosity winning the battle once again.

"Yeah," Aidan nods. "I'm way past the 200 mark."

"Wow... okay, that's... wow," Josh grimaces, suddenly feeling even smaller and younger than he does anyways. He is normally taken for younger because of his almost boyish facial features, but against Aidan, he is clearly losing the fight of age.

"So you were turned... this year around?" Aidan asks, trying to keep up a more casual tone for good measure. He can hear Josh's heartbeat hammering in his chest so fast and so hard that it drums in his ears in a huge crescendo.

"Yeah," Josh answers, his voice feeble. "Camping trips suck."

"I'm not too fond of them either," Aidan shrugs, a soft smile tugging at his lips. At least Josh didn't lose all his humor and wit yet. Aidan knows how hard it is to come back from resignation once it took a hold of you. Once resignation has you in its cold, ghostly white claws, you are soon filled with remorse and scorn, and with that comes bitterness. And once you are bitter, there is almost no way of escape anymore.

"... so is Marcus your real brother... by blood... I mean... it's all by blood, but...," Josh fidgets for the words, something Aidan finds ever the amusing. Even though the guy was just confronted with the harsh reality of the dark side of society, an even darker kind of society of monsters that live among the normal ones, unseen and unheard, but still he manages a feeble smile and even jokes.

"Not my real brother, no," Aidan lets him know. And that is something he is really glad for. Because that would bind him to the bastard even more than he is anyways, thanks to Bishop. No, Aidan wants to have as little to do with this brother of his as that is possible. They resemble Cain and Abel at some point, or so Bishop told them, though it's not out yet who is who – and who will eventually kill the other, becoming Cain therefore.

"... good, I don't like him," Josh grumbles.

"Me neither. He's like... this cousin you always have to be nice to on Christmas though everyone thinks he sucks," Aidan shrugs, leaning back in his seat a bit. "But I can't just kick him in the ass for nothing. Our father wouldn't like to see that."

"Father?" Josh grimaces.

"Well, uhm... the alpha, the one who's turned us," Aidan explains with a shrug of his shoulders. "His name's Bishop, by the way. Runs the police. So if you're smart, you stay the hell away from him. He is not all too fond of your kind."

"... I will remember that," Josh grimaces. _Great,_ danger and darkness just seems to spring out of its evil germ bud whatever ground Josh dares to step upon. And all Josh wants is peace, silence, and for that constant fear to leave him, if only for a few days until he starts worrying himself sick about the approaching full moon that makes his skin crawl... literally so.

"And your alpha?" Aidan asks, again, purposely keeping his voice at a very casual level.

"... I don't have one," Josh scrunches his nose.

"Of course you have one. Or else you wouldn't go crazy around the full moon," Aidan huffs. "I'm talking about the guy who's turned you, who took you into his pack."

"... there is no pack, just me," Josh shakes his head.

"But what about your alpha, then? Don't you know where he is?" Aidan frowns. "Lost track of each other?"

"... should I know where he is? I mean... that beast just bit me and left me there bleeding on the ground. Why would I actually bother to search for that... thing?" Josh makes a face.

"No, he should be searching you. You see, alphas have that responsibility towards their children," Aidan argues, actually shocked to see a werewolf who got thrown into that cold, mossy, blood-drenched world of darkness without any guidance. Just what kind of an alpha does that? Even Bishop, and that guy is an asshole, took his time to teach Aidan how to live the life of the undead. That is just what an alpha does.

"I'm not his child," Josh argues vehemently, his eyes narrowing with a little part of anger. "I'm my father's child, and that of my mother. Not that beast that bit me and left me to die in the woods, killing my friend and destroying my life."

"... I'm sorry about your friend," Aidan grimaces sympathetically.

"... thanks. I'm, too," Josh sighs, his voice no more than a whisper.

"Well, but you see... for your alpha... turning you was like having a child, as sick as it is, I know. That's the way it goes with them, with us, too. It is their way of having family. And that is why usually the alphas stick around to teach you how," Aidan explains, feeling utterly sad that he has to break those news to the young werewolf. Not only to be thrown into that dark pit, but then to learn that the one who's tossed you in there was actually supposed to hold his hand out to you, thus ultimately neglecting and deceiving you... that's a pain Aidan doesn't even want to imagine. It's enough of a curse to be a monster, but Aidan actually learned to find comfort in the fact that he is not the only one, and that there is someone to talk to, even about such things like blood craving, killing, accidents, a missing heartbeat, loneliness, and the like. However, here sits a poor creature next to him who doesn't even have that tiny comfort of the feeling of not being alone.

"Look, maybe that's true for your kind, or for some others of mine... whatever that is... but to me, it was like that: I went on a camping trip with my fiance, and a couple with whom we were best friends. We heard that noise in the middle of the night, my friend and I went to check, and that was when everything blacked out and there was just pain. And then I woke up as someone flashed his torchlight in my face, with my friend mauled next to me, and me over with blood and teeth marks in my skin. And for the following month I felt remorse and mourned his loss, sat in a diner, minding my own business, and the next thing I felt was this pain inside me that I had to scream. I ran outside and then black again. Only to wake up with a deer now next to me, where once my friend lay beside me, and its blood all over me. Whatever it is that turned me, it never showed again – and I would kill him or her or it if I got the chance to. That thing destroyed my life. That's what it is to me, I want nothing to do with that," Josh explains, his eyes sternly focused on Aidan's.

"... what happened to your fiance?" Aidan asks almost weakly.

"She survived, if that's what you're asking. Other than that... Dunno. I took off, ran away. After I found out... what became of me, I left everything behind... and somehow ended up in Boston," Josh tells him. To be perfectly honest, Boston was by no means a matter of choice, but simply the area where Josh's car ran out of gas – and he had to decide between spending the last bucks on fuel or on a month's rent. Josh decided for the rent... and went from there. For what reason? Josh doesn't know. He just knows that he wanted to take this as a wink of fortune, even if it was surely no fortune that brought him into that situation. It was rather that Josh simply believed that some higher power was telling him to stop – and simply stay. And so Josh did.

He stayed.

"I'm sorry," Aidan says, honestly meaning it. He knows how painful it is to lose one's only companion in life and have all fortune tossed away in your name... drowning in a deep and wild river.

"Thanks," Josh licks his lips. "I'm, too..."

"What about your parents? Do you keep up contact with them?" Aidan asks, with a pang of hopefulness in his voice, but Josh shakes his head, "I cut all ties to my past, other than my name. They don't know where I live. I don't call, I don't write. I don't tweet, something my sister is probably getting worked up over even more than the fact that I'm missing. I don't want to hurt them. I would never forgive myself if I... no."

"Sister?" Aidan grimaces. Josh just shrugs. Aidan throws back his head, looking at the ceiling, "Man... that sucks."

"Yeah, that sucks," Josh sighs. "And you? What skeletons do you hide in the closet... I mean... okay, stupid question, don't answer that."

Aidan shakes his head with a smirk.

"... but maybe you tell me what your hated brother meant by _vegetarianism?"_ Josh asks after a while, blinking at him curiously.

"Well, we need... blood," Aidan shrugs, leaning a little closer.

"Guessed as much," Josh huffs.

"But that means... you know, typical vampire theme with biting someone and all...," Aidan goes on, gesticulating. Josh nods.

"Well, the side effect is that you get kinda... _high?"_ Aidan explains, though he notes with wonder just how easily he tells that someone he doesn't know for more than an hour. And here they are and exchange not only life stories, but also those stories that no one wants to admit, but rather hide in the deep corners of the mind, so far deep down that you hope you can forget about it yourself.

"Oh," Josh blinks at him – and at that Aidan can't help but frown. He honestly expected something else as a reaction. He can tell that this doesn't make Josh more nervous than he is seemingly by nature. He is surprised, yes, but... Josh doesn't judge him, for basically taking drugs. He is not disgusted in any way, just... surprised. And even if this is strange for Aidan, he finds that honestly nice, comforting.

It's odd not to be judged for once.

"And I don't want that anymore. We could take other stuff, like... blood bags. That works. Just that we don't get the funny feelings from it – and that is why no one wants to join. But they don't want to see that this is the best way to keep humanity. They just don't care," Aidan explains with a sigh. Why is he telling Josh again? Aidan doesn't know. Maybe because this guy is also someone unhappy with his curse, someone still fighting?

A brother in misery?

Or maybe he is just too pissed to care?

"... huh, well... that also sucks," Josh smirks weakly. "So to sum it up... both our lives kinda suck."

"You could say so, I guess," Aidan shrugs.

"... that's not exactly reassuring, is it?" Josh grimaces.

"Not really," Aidan shakes his head. No, even if it is indeed a comfort to have someone to share this secret story with, it's not in the least reassuring to know other people in such deep vain also. Because that is a kind of agony you don't wish upon your worst enemy.

"So, what are your plans from now on?" Aidan asks.

"I don't have any plans other than making it to the next day... or not. The time where I dared to make them is long since over for me," Josh shakes his head. He once planned a future, a bright future, but it got all crushed in one instant. So where is the point in future management when you are honestly convinced that there is no future for you?

"Wow, you're not too much into optimism, huh?" Aidan huffs.

"I don't know what would make me optimistic. I mean... I just got the living shit beat out of me because I smell like dog to some people – something I wasn't even aware of... I just learned that even more people fucked up my life... and I am what I am. I honestly fail to see the silver lining," Josh snorts.

"Yeah, I know what you mean... in our kind of situation, who wants to believe in the good, huh?" Aidan exhales, leaning back.

"No one," Josh shakes his head. "Well... what about you? Any plans for the future?"

"At the moment, not really... I just want... away," Aidan admits.

"Away, yeah... that sounds nice," Josh exhales, leaning back. Away, far away, to a place where no one could find him, not even that beast living with him? Yeah, that would be tremendous.

"Well, I guess I will still stick around Boston, but I need to get away from the clan for a while. They are just pissing me off," Aidan grunts.

"Well, stands to reason. You're home here," Josh agrees.

"It's your home now, too," Aidan argues.

"Honestly? I still feel the tendency to just jump into the next-best street and let a car hit me to put me out of my misery," Josh snorts, with a kind of honesty that catches the vampire off-guard. "I don't know how I'm supposed to feel at home here. My home is elsewhere, though it is no longer... why am I telling you this again? I'm sorry. You probably don't wanna hear my moping over my screwed-up life. You have obviously enough problems of your own. And by that I don't mean that you... I will just shut up."

"Hey, I didn't mind, okay?" Aidan assures the younger man quickly, hoping that this didn't just end this conversation, because it's about the best conversation Aidan's had... in a way too long time.

"Dude, it's really considerate of you to listen to my crap, but by the end of the day, it's just crap... and apparently from the rivaling species," Josh argues.

"Is overrated in my opinion anyways," Aidan argues.

"Well, I didn't know about this until now, so I can't really tell," Josh shrugs.

"But I can. It's just something you do... out of habit, and I find that stupid, to be honest," Aidan shrugs.

"Well, then you are quite the revolutionist of your group, huh?" Josh exhales, his ribs still protesting against the movement.

"Maybe. Well, when you are around as long as we are, you only have like... _phases._ Who wants to be a revolutionary all the while? It's just too bothersome," Aidan argues, though he grimaces at his own remark. He just spoke out loud what he doesn't like to admit to himself – just how easy he gives in because it is more _comfortable._ Shouldn't he rebel all the while if he really believed in something? Shouldn't Aidan stand up for his ideals, and not just make big words for a given time, only to come back to the coven and act as if nothing ever happened? There was a time when he was like that, but somewhere after the 100 years mark, or maybe even before, Aidan lost this fight. He gained fangs, but lost the teeth to bite into that flesh and hold on like a bloodhound. Just what happened to this will he always gave himself credit for?

And why does he call that into question only now that he talks to someone who has obviously no clue what all this is about?

Aidan coughs lightly against the realization bubbling up in his mind, hoping that this will somehow shove it back down, but has to see that it doesn't work. Maybe that's why no one wants to join him on his mission to vegetarianism – because it's obviously just a phase, as is everything? Maybe he is the real poser after all.

"Right," Josh agrees. He wouldn't ever judge anyone for not picking a fight. He is the one to run from any trouble. The werewolf knows that he is. It's just that he sees no point in fighting for something he no longer sees as worth fighting for. Josh just doesn't have the energy anymore. He just wants out, wants over, wants end, this way or another. Whatever it is that he has now, it's not life, is it? At least he doesn't want to believe that life is really only just... a heartbeat.

He would like to believe that there is something, and be it as tiny, that is there beyond the organ beating in his chest. Because that is the only way that the man sitting next to him is, right? He doesn't have a heartbeat. And still, Aidan is alive, at least he is to Josh. So there must be something that reaches beyond the heart and its function to keep your body alive.

But just what is that?

"Wow, when I woke up this morning, I certainly didn't think this would be the outcome," Aidan chuckles.

"Trust me: Me neither," Josh grins, which results in him actually laughing, something Josh can't remember the last time he really did and... meant it. Maybe it's gallows humor, but it feels nice for once to laugh and not feel sadness tugging at you. Aidan joins him. This is just so utterly ridiculous that it's funny again, isn't it? A werewolf and a vampire, sharing a beer in a bar, talking about the downsides of life or the life of the undead. That just sounds like the beginning of a very stupid joke already.

The two continue to sit in silence for a while, both actually finding comfort in each other's presence. They only realize that they spent a few hours there when the bartender tells them that he wants to close. Aidan and Josh exchange a glance, before both smirk, pay the bartender and leave the pub, surprised just how fast time can pass, when they are both so used to it stretching into agonizing eternities.

"Well, ugh, it was nice meeting you, Aidan... and thanks another time for... saving me, you know what I mean," Josh tells him, one arm still protectively clasped over his midsection.

"Hey, now don't be ridiculous. I'll walk you home. After I was so kind to save you, it'd be against the point if I let you get mugged by Marcus another time," Aidan argues, though a part, hidden deep down, just wants to continue this conversation, this sensation.

"He would?" Josh frowns.

"Yep," Aidan nods, not even lying at that point. Marcus is that much of an asshole.

"Oh," Josh grimaces. "But that's not your problem. Really, you did enough, Aidan."

"My home's that way anyways. C'mon," Aidan argues. Josh simply follows eventually. He is too tired to put up a fight, especially over something he enjoys at some point. Contact with another person, with a person who understands this... it's nice for a change. It's something Josh only now realizes he missed. To... have someone... around.

So the werewolf and the vampire trod their way down the empty streets of Boston until they reach Josh's living place, a _shabby_ place, Aidan notes with a grimace. Josh hobbles up the stairs, his head bowed as he fishes for the keys in his pocket. He wants to open the door when his eyes fall on a red envelope attached to the door with tape. The werewolf frowns at the address, but then realization dawns on him. He bangs his head against the door.

"Whoa, what are you doing?!" Aidan gasps.

"God! I will lynch this fuckin' person!" Josh growls, biting his lower lip.

"Josh?" Aidan grimaces.

"Awesome, now I'm not just beaten up and work in a restaurant for minimum pay, no, now I will be homeless within the next couple of days!" Josh mutters to himself, perfectly ignoring Aidan behind him. His point was just proven all over again: whenever Josh dares to see the bright side of life again, and be it the smallest of specters of light, he gets it right back in his face.

"What do you mean?" Aidan asks cautiously.

"This is the notice to quit or whatever. My landlord wants me out. I have a neighbor who parties too hard. Since I work so much, I'm barely at home. He has a key to my apartment, in case of emergency. Turns out he used it to have parties over at my apartment. Police was there, or so I was told. I talked to the landlord and he said he would wait till this is cleared, but that was a shitty lie! Fuck! Because of that bastard I get thrown out! That can't be true!" Josh pouts, knocking his head against the door again. If he had done something wrong, Josh could live with it, but all he did was being a good neighbor, see where that got him? Now he is beat up, a monster, alone and... homeless. Great, _just_ great. Maybe he should just jump off a bridge. Are there good bridges to jump from in Boston? He should definitely check that.

Josh tears the letter off the door and opens it with shaky hands, "Awesome, I have to be out by next month. Tremendous. Just great."

"Wow, that royally sucks," Aidan comments sympathetically.

"Yeah, this sucks," Josh exhales, but then turns to face Aidan almost sheepishly. "But... but that's not your problem, now I let you stand there and... I'm sorry. I... ugh, sorry, good night. Have a nice... afterlife. I just..."

"Josh, calm down," Aidan holds up his hands in the hope this gesture will somehow work as a kind of reassurance for the upset werewolf.

"I suck at giving first impressions," Josh huffs.

"I try to feed on people, I don't think that this is exactly a good first impression either," Aidan jokes, which actually brings Josh to smile again, if only briefly.

"Still, I'm sorry that I... you did so much for me and... I will just stop talking. My head's mush," Josh grumbles to himself towards the end. Aidan glances at the werewolf, then at the red envelope in his hands. Red, like blood. The blood he doesn't want to shed anymore, at least not that way. The promise he wants to make to himself to preserve the last tatters of his humanity. And those red tatters are in the hands of a werewolf Aidan doesn't know, but also a werewolf who managed to make him smile, someone who didn't judge him for his nature, and who didn't judge him for his dreams of vegetarianism, of being able to change. Someone who gives a fuck on the social order outside society, within the dark world no one knows about and those who do know about it, decide not to talk about it. Someone who shares his pain, someone who seemingly understands that life takes more than simply being alive. Not because it should matter to anyone else what they do or who they are, but what that means to themselves. To not just forget, but see, as hurtful as it is. Open one's eyes to reality, no matter how little you may see in that darkness. And that is when Aidan suddenly finds a resolution within him that he didn't think he inherited anymore.

"Hey, Josh?" he begins. The werewolf blinks at him, "What is it?"

"I think I might have a solution to our problems," Aidan goes on, his eyes glistening.

"What? Turn my neighbor?" Josh huffs.

"No, I want to get away from the coven. You have to move out," Aidan explains.

"Yeah, I already got it that our lives royally suck," Josh snorts.

"We two could move in together," Aidan suggests. Josh blinks at him, then at this letter in his hands. However, then his eyes drift back to Aidan – and he sees that the vampire... he _means_ it. Now what the bloody hell?!

"Share an apartment, a vampire and a werewolf," Josh grimaces.

"Why not?" Aidan shrugs. Really, why not? Why not live up to what he once stood for, what Aidan wants to stand for again, a will to _keep_ humanity, his humanity. Be human again and stop being a monster. If he wants to make a change, Aidan has to start somewhere, and he knows that he will always end up in the mill again if he doesn't get away from the coven, from Bishop, from the live-blood.

"... why not," Josh mumbles to himself. _Really,_ why not? Why not finally... live again. Between the lines of darkness that obscure all future plans? Why not be a person again, rather than some shadow cleaning out pans in a shabby restaurant. Why not live a life that is a life again? Or at least hold on to that idea again? Hope? Maybe even monsters are granted to live? Maybe you can live in the silence after all, live with the truth of what they are, but not being forced to hide it to themselves, just the outside world?

Why not?

"I know this comes... out of the blue, but...," Aidan grimaces, but that is when Josh interrupts him, "I'm in... I mean, if you're... serious, then I'm in."

"Okay," Aidan replies, still not quite believing it.

"Okay," Josh answers also, as though that confirmation only labeled it as reality.

Aidan smirks at Josh and Josh smiles back.

A promise made.

And maybe, just maybe... life can start anew.

Maybe you don't only live once.

Or even if you do, you can make it matter, just maybe not the way you expected it to.


	2. A Chance at Together in the Window

**A/N**: Hello, everyone! Thanks for reading my story and for sticking around for the next chapter!

So, in this section, we will get a bit more of get-to-know for Aidan and Josh. Obviously, this wasn't on the show like that, just as I changed the pattern of how they met, but I wanted to stress their relationship and I just felt the need to add a bit to that, or else my story, so I fear, won't be where I want it to be. So I hope you aren't angry with me for changing that much already, but I gave the AU warning, right? ^^

Anyways, I hope you'll like it.

Read, review, and hopefully enjoy ;)

* * *

_Boundaries are curious things._

_They reach all the way from putting up fences around one's home to what came to be called **personal** boundaries, dictating how you have to act around people, how you have to keep a distance to be... what? Polite? Probably, but then again, one can't help but wonder if it is a good thing to have such personal boundaries._

_Because aren't those boundaries keeping us away from... other people? And while we so often seek attention, seek to be close to those people we call loved ones, friends, and family, we hold up our hand and tell others to mind the personal boundaries, mind their own business and keep out of ours, so that they don't ask the hurtful questions, maybe? And that even though we make so much more public about what is private these days. In some sense we really seem to be borderline cases. On the one hand, we want to be left alone, on the other we feel this unexplainable urge to be recognized. We want others to see that we are surrounded by that invisible cloud labeled "personal space" and it seems that the bigger one draws the circle the prouder that person actually is, for claiming that much territory, taking up that much space. And that even though it only means that they are even more lost in that space than is any other person._

_Because boundaries are no one-way thing._

_Boundaries, fences, lines drawn on the ground, on paper, they always create an inside and an outside. One side that keeps others out, away from you, your problems, those secrets you don't want to share, those moments you would rather forget about. But the other side keeps you trapped in that sphere you created around yourself, ironically so. You build up this shield to protect yourself, just to expose yourself to yourself, and to everything that you bring into that inside world, all your sorrows, troubles, pains._

_And in that, you are completely alone. Because you, ever so smart, didn't allow anyone inside, or even if you did, you never let anyone so close to touch that inner core that is so dark that even you, as its creator, are afraid of it. We are alone not because we want to be alone, but because we feel the need to be alone, because we don't want others to see just how alone we are._

_Stand tall, be proud, put on a smile, isn't that what some people say as a form of encouragement? Though this seems hardly encouraging. Because that means that you don't just live behind a fence, fighting your own monsters and demons with bare hands and completely alone, but that you have to pretend that this is not so, or that it is anything great?_

_We seem to be that afraid of allowing other people close that we lose sight of the dangers of being alone. Because we are just so much in love with the idea of boundaries to give us a sense of direction, a frame to place the dangers at its corners in the hope it will take some time for the demons to creep their way into its center._

_Yet, there seems to be a way out of that misery, if you let it happen. And only if you let it happen. If you allow a few people into that circle, behind that fence, they may help you fight your demons. The only difference is that you'd have to help the others to fight their monsters, too._

_Of course that means a higher risk, because more demons may come your way, but... at least someone has your back. And so some of these boundaries may actually dissolve._

_So that you are no longer alone again._

_Because the curiously great thing about boundaries is that you can overcome them._

* * *

It's funny how things can morph into a single blur, where all past mashes together into odd shapes of light, darkness, and obscure colors.

Because that is the feeling Josh has at this moment. He knows that yesterday he was beaten to pulp by what turned out to be vampires, and now here he is with that other vampire who saved him... in his apartment, well, at least for the rest of the month. They actually spent the rest of the night... talking. Simply talking. As though it was the most normal thing on earth for a vampire and a werewolf to have nonsense chats, and that even though they don't know each other... and that with the prospect of sharing a flat some time in the future.

Because that is the one moment Josh can see quite clearly in front of his eyes. How the raven vampire had asked him to move in together – and how he had accepted, simply accepted, make it truth that neither one is... that alone in the world. And even though it must sound miserable to most other people, Josh counts this along the lines of his happiest moments in... a long time. Way too long time.

After they had made up their mind to actually do this, Josh had simply invited Aidan inside, pointing out that if he wanted to get away from the coven, they could start so now. And Aidan, much to both their surprise, had instantly agreed.

So now, Aidan sits in Josh's worn armchair while Josh is on the small couch and they are busily discussing a movie they both liked for its characters, but not for the plot. How they got there? Neither one has a clue. It's just a blur. A nice blur, really.

"... Hey, Josh, I got a question," Aidan says, tearing Josh out of his musing to fix back on the vampire. He blinks at him curiously, "What?"

"How much do you earn with the job in the diner?" Aidan asks, looking around. Not that money matters to him in any way. Aidan learned over his too-long life that there is little that matters less than those sheets of cotton and paper with presidents on them. They can't buy you your humanity back, they won't comfort you, or help you out, and even if you can potentially buy yourself "friends" for such problems, you know that they are gone the very first moment you don't have the paycheck ready. So where is the point, right?

"... less than I think I deserve for the slave work I do, but... ugh, why asking?" Josh frowns.

"Well, I'm just wondering. The apartment looks like it's not halfway bad... except for the crappy heating, as you mentioned... so you seriously afford it with just this job?" Aidan grimaces. Because he can't really picture that the diner pays him that much to make his living.

"No, ugh, that money is enough to buy food and pay for the plus extra charges, if the owner has the money to pay... my rent comes from working as a cashier and occasionally taking care of the kids in the neighborhood or cleaning houses," Josh explains with a shrug of his shoulders.

"... when exactly do you, you know... live?" Aidan makes a face.

"What do you mean?" Josh frowns.

"Well, you're basically talking about up to four jobs. When do you have time to, I don't know, eat, drink, chill on the couch, sleep?" Aidan grimaces. He could potentially do four jobs with ease because he doesn't actually have to sleep, but Josh, except for that one time of the month is... human, as human as "human" is in their terms. At least on the more functional level, Josh is still in need of sleep and keeping his body functions going, but that seems to be hard when he is... hardly at home.

"I actually welcomed that," Josh admits after a moment of silence. "At first I lived off of my savings. But that forced me to sit here all day long and muse about how shitty my life is, which is why I eventually decided to work again... It kept me distracted."

Distracted from those dark thoughts of how it would be... not to be anymore. Distracted from the thoughts of the life he no longer had. His dreams. His hopes. How they got crushed and tossed into the abyss. Josh rather put up with back sores, sleep deprivation and exhaustion than going over those painful thoughts, each a stab right in his chest. At least he felt alive in that way. Or so he tried to make himself believe, because, so Josh starts to realize, is less of a living than he'd like it to be.

"And you never had the strive for... a normal job?" Aidan asks curiously.

"I thought I would rather do that and stay anonymous. I'm still afraid of... you know what. I thought that if I work in a stable job, I'll end up... liking people and... I feared that if I attach myself to this too much, I will end up hurting those people all over again. With these jobs, no one really cares, well, safe for the children. They are great. I love how they laugh at... everything," Josh explains, a soft smile tugging at his lips. And Aidan can perfectly picture that Josh is great with kids.

Though the vampire notes wonder how easily Josh tells him these things, because it's clear to both of them that neither one has to say anything reaching too far into the inside, to those dark places both would rather leave untouched. Because Aidan can see that Josh actually doesn't... _mind_ to tell him, at least if he reads him correctly, which the vampire thinks he does. At some point Aidan envies Josh for this kind of openness or being able to open up like that. Aidan didn't lose that ability, but he realized that over the past years it became more and more difficult for him. Because there are just so many dark spots in his soul that he doesn't know where to plunge his hands into without being swallowed by it. And a part of him fears that those people who know too much will be consumed by that very same darkness along with him. Yet, now to see someone with an at least about equal share of darkness in his life, Aidan starts to call this position into question. If Josh can do that, he should be able to do the same, right? Maybe that would... help?

Who knows?

"Well, what did you do before... the wolf stumbled into your life?" Aidan questions.

"I went to med school," Josh answers. "Wanted to get my degree and become a doctor, maybe pediatrician, I don't know... I didn't get far because of the wolf, obviously."

"Med school?" Aidan blinks at him.

"I told you, I'm actually not as weak as I may have looked like put against your brother dearest and his pal. Neither am I totally stupid," Josh huffs.

"I never took you for that," Aidan argues more vehemently than he thought he would. And honestly, he doesn't. He saw it in Josh's eyes, this fire, both of will and curiosity, which speaks for someone who wants to see beyond, who seeks knowledge, who isn't satisfied with just the tiny bits of truth. That person can't be plainly dull.

"Thanks," Josh smirks. "... well, if I were to guess, I'd say you're not unfamiliar with that department yourself, huh?"

"What?" Aidan frowns.

"You stitched me up. Not all people know how to do stitches that proficiently. So that means you're probably from the health department also, or you were during your... quite a few years of life," Josh grins. He was honestly surprised that upon entering the apartment, Aidan had immediately asked him for the first aid kit, and didn't waver once when Josh told him that he can fix himself up alright. Aidan had checked him over, stitched the cuts, cleaned out the wounds, put bandages on, and applied band-aids wherever needed in an absolutely expert manner before handing Josh painkillers and a glass of water.

"I work as a nurse in the nearby hospital," Aidan nods.

"Nurse, really?" Josh blinks.

"Hey, nothing against nurses," Aidan argues, but Josh shakes his head vehemently, "They are the people who keep the engine running, I know that. And in my opinion, they don't even remotely get the payment they should get for the work they do."

"Well, then why do you sound so surprised, then?" Aidan argues.

"I just didn't think a vampire would go for a place where there are so many... possibly bleeding people," Josh shrugs. "No offense."

"Yeah, no, I get that. And at some point I always ask myself, but... since I want to come clean, I guess it's a bit of exposure therapy," Aidan smirks softly. "And... it helps me... repent."

And _yes_, that came out easier than he thought...

"Repent for what?" Josh frowns.

"I did some bad things over the past decades... centuries... because I wasn't always calling for vegetarianism, we get each other?" Aidan admits. He searches the younger man's eyes, seeking his reaction. At some point Aidan is honestly scared that Josh will just poke him with questions about what he did, to then go ahead and decide that Aidan is too much of a serial killer to share a flat with him, but, once again, Josh's eyes hold no judgment. Instead... he nods... in _understanding._

"That's great," Josh tells him in a soft voice. Aidan blinks at him.

What?

"Well, I mean, I don't find it great that you... did other people harm, I guess that goes without saying," Josh holds up his hands, making Aidan's lips tug upwards a bit. "But... I find it admirable that you... still want to do something good. Keeping in mind that you want to keep your humanity, I don't think this is far off the mark."

"Thanks," Aidan says, his eyes wide. He never heard someone say it. And far more importantly, Aidan never heard someone actually meaning it. Josh means it. All of it. He means it. Josh is the first person who actually understands his struggle for humanity – and sees that his actions are so intended to keep it – and that this is worth it. For someone who doesn't know the specific troubles of a vampire, Josh seems to have a very fine understanding for Aidan's troubles though, surprisingly so.

"Do you wear pink outfits?" Josh suddenly cracks up, to which Aidan can't help but burst out laughing. Josh joins him, even though his ribs are protesting persistently. He holds his stomach, but never did pain feel this good, really.

"No, navy blue," Aidan brings out, still chuckling, but then turns more serious. "... you could start there also, by the way."

"Huh?" Josh blinks at him, rubbing his hand over his stomach to calm down his ribs.

"Well, you say you are actually into the health department, why not have a stable not-all-to-well-paid job at the hospital?" Aidan shrugs. "I mean, it's not working as a doctor, but... it's also helping people."

"As I said, I don't know about... attaching to places," Josh bites his lower lip nervously, but then quits once he realizes the fresh taste of copper in his mouth – his split lip having reopened thanks to the nervous kink he has.

"Well, it's your choice, but think about it, if we move in together... that means you attach to some place anyways... and in some way... you attach to a person also," Aidan argues, hoping that he doesn't go too far with this yet. Judging by Josh's level of nervousness, the man often reminds Aidan of a deer more than a wolf.

"... you're right," Josh admits. "I'm just... afraid... of that, to be perfectly honest."

"Why?" Aidan asks, his voice soft.

"Well, I told you. I left my family and friends so that I can protect them... from me. Now I'm here and... if I attach too much and I end up hurting people again... or you... I don't even want to imagine what will happen," Josh whispers hoarsely.

"I'm not made of sugar, Josh. And I actually know what you are and what your kind... is. That means that I'm probably one of the few people who know how to stay safe no matter what the wolf may do," Aidan argues. "And with the hospital... if I manage to work there and not go insane, I think you can do it, too... even if some of the staff are... really weird."

"I like weird people," Josh smirks.

"... Birds of feather flock together, huh?" Aidan jokes.

"Oh, shut up," Josh snickers.

"What? You are weird," Aidan argues with a grin. "As am I."

"As was J. M. Barrie," Josh shrugs, looking out the window.

"What?" Aidan makes a face. "The guy who wrote Peter Pan?"

"Hm?" Josh turns back to him. "Yeah, I read that after his brother died in an ice-skating accident, his mother couldn't cope with the loss, so he started acting like him, dressed like the older brother, walked and talked like him, and even whistled like him so that she thought he was still alive. When she overcame depression, she consoled herself with the belief that the dead brother would stay with her forever, a boy who wouldn't ever age... sounds familiar?"

"... how on earth do you come up with that all of a sudden?!" Aidan knits his eyebrows, though he can't help the laughter.

"Well, if you don't find that weird, too, we seem to have very varying definitions of the term 'weird'," Josh shrugs.

"I mean, how do you even know that?!" Aidan blinks.

"... well, I don't know for sure, but I read it on the internet," Josh shrugs.

"Why would you read that?!" Aidan cries out. To the day, he fails to figure why people nowadays are so much into internet and social media. To Aidan, that's just a sick way to escape out of life even more. You don't go out into the world because it's so much more comforting in your own home that you become afraid of the outside world. After all, on the internet, you can be whoever you want. And even if Aidan gets that part of the fancy, because he would rather be someone else at times, too, he doesn't understand that people rather spend their days in front of a blinking device – and not cherish what they have, a heartbeat, a life to live. Aidan is one of the undead, he knows how precious it is to be able to glance into the sun and simply feel the warm tickle on your nose, without having to fear that you get a "really bad sunburn". He knows how precious it is to eat and taste it. To sleep in. Have a family, but not in that electronic world. In the real world, as hurtful as it can be at times.

"... I don't know, I read a lot," Josh shrugs. "And I realized that around the full moon... my mind's kinda hazy and my attention span is... off."

"Well, the wolf gets stronger around the full moon, so that stands to reason," Aidan shrugs.

"Well, so if you notice me drifting off around that time, it's probably because of that," Josh smirks.

"I'll remember that," Aidan chuckles. "Do I get to hit you with a newspaper on the nose, then?"

"You do that once and you're dead, man," Josh threatens mockingly.

"What? I can take on you any time," Aidan argues, joining the joking atmosphere.

"Not on the full moon," Josh smirks.

"We'll see about that," Aidan snorts. There is a moment of silence – and Josh glances out the window, but seemingly only now taking in what is shining through the glass. His expression notably changes at the sight.

"Just how many hours did we spend talking?" Josh mutters with a soft smile.

"What?" Aidan frowns.

"Morning's already rising," Josh explains in a soft voice as he suddenly gets up, even though it obviously pains him.

Aidan grimaces, "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," Josh shrugs as he makes his way over to the window, awkwardly sitting down on the sill.

"Then what are you doing?" the vampire questions, already rising from his seat.

"It's about to start," Josh smiles, his eyes fixed on the window. Aidan frowns, but then steps over to the werewolf, following his gaze until they find the still grey street where no cars are riding at the moment.

"What are we looking at?" Aidan asks.

"Just wait," Josh tells him, his eyes still fixed on the street. A few seconds later, the first beams of daylight make their way past the buildings. Aidan already means to make a comment when the light rises a bit higher and hits one of the shops on the other side of the road at such an angle that the glass turns a milky kind of orange which seem to move and almost resonate to the light as shadows from the rooftops are reflected in them also. The mist of the pollution, the smog, which otherwise paints the street a dark shade of grey and black now glistens the honey-like silken glass in dancing shapes, depriving it of all its ugliness, of all its gloom, to give it a quality of pure bliss and beauty. Suddenly, the smog is the driving force of the dance, becomes the outline and not the thick mist that means to obscure all shapes into the unrecognizable.

Aidan glances at the dance of light in a mixture of awe and admiration. It is something so simple, so unimportant, actually, but the vampire has rarely seen something that strangely beautiful.

In all those years he already spent on this planet, Aidan has to admit to himself that he never took the time to actually... search such micro-miracles and perceive them a such. Not even when he was still alive and not undead. Of course Aidan found solace and comfort in the brush of the wind or the rustling of leafs, but not once did he take this moment of searching for a particular moment to happen. He never took the time. Once he was turned, Aidan lost most of his ability to perceive such wonder. Lived the life of the undead, made it from one day to the next. He found the world ugly, as he found his life ugly, his existence, his now race. Aidan doesn't wear sunglasses only for the reason of shielding his eyes off the sometimes hurtful sunlight, but he also did it so the world was shaded, so that it appeared a bit darker, a bit more like himself. And at some point, Aidan thought that all people his kind or of his dark specter would act that way. Especially now that he got to know Josh a bit better, the vampire had most certainly assumed that the werewolf would curse life as much as he does. After all, that is what Josh told him not so long ago. And Aidan hadn't blamed him for it.

Yet, here they stand and watch the dance of shadows and the silk of light in a shady part of Boston where smog is hanging above their heads like a dark halo. And Aidan, not in a million years, so he is sure, would have caught that if not for Josh. And that even though Aidan knows Boston like no one else. There is not a single road he hasn't walked through, not a single alley he didn't set a foot upon yet. However, he always missed... _this,_ for instance.

For someone who says he is so hopeless that he doesn't want to be close to people, it amazes Aidan ever the more that Josh still manages to to find a kind of comfort, a tatter of hope and awe, a bit of magic, in this otherwise dark and unpleasant world, this smog-filled cosmos that otherwise seems to mean Josh so much harm, treating him as an intruder and not a guest, throwing him out with red envelopes.

"It's strange, isn't it?" Josh speaks up, still eying the glass, his eyes suddenly no longer this dark, rich color of brown, but rather hazel, as though the honey-silk-color found its way right into his dark orbs, switching the lights back on. "This place is such a rathole, but... I can't help but find this beautiful."

"It is," Aidan simply agrees, his voice no more than a whisper.

"I watch that every morning," Josh goes on to explain. "... that honestly pulled me through most of my days, which is... pretty pathetic, but..."

"No," Aidan intervenes. "It's not... I... I get that."

"Really? I thought I was just being a lunatic again," Josh chuckles. "I mean, the hell, we are staring at windows at sunrise."

"Well, other people say that someone is pretty, too... and then they are just staring at their faces or bodies, right?" Aidan argues.

"True," Josh agrees with a light shrug of his shoulders.

"You know, I've been to Boston for all my life, but I've never seen something like that before," Aidan admits.

"Well, we have different perspectives, I guess," Josh shrugs.

"But I share your opinion, this is amazing," Aidan smirks. The two continue to watch this little wonder until it ends, simply fades back into smog and unpolished windows. Though, much to Aidan's surprise, he doesn't feel disappointed once it ends, but instead feels a warm sensation in his chest he didn't think was possible anymore. After all, he lacks body temperature, as a vampire.

Josh gets up from the sill stiffly, cradling his side before he trots into the kitchen.

"I would offer you breakfast and something to drink, but I guess that's beside the point," Josh yells over his shoulder. "I don't come to have a bloodbag in my fridge."

Aidan chuckles, tearing his eyes away from the window to join Josh in the tiny kitchen, though he notes that despite the worn furniture, the place is perfectly clean.

"Or do you actually...," Josh asks curiously, to which the vampire shakes his head, "No, we don't. I mean, we can potentially, but we don't taste it anymore... and we kinda have to bring it _back up_ if we actually eat."

"That sounds like the morning routine of most of the anorexic girls back in my High School," Josh jokes.

"Maybe they were all vampires?" Aidan jokes.

"Possible. I thought they had something... predatory," Josh shrugs as he starts to drink a protein shake he took out of the fridge.

"So you just live off of protein shakes?" Aidan tilts his head at the still slightly ajar fridge where he can spot dozens of those bottles, neatly aligned.

"Basically... well, I sometimes cook on the weekends, but I don't have the time during the week because of the jobs," Josh shrugs his shoulders.

"So you are not into cooking, I see. Well, seems to fit with the stereotype of the busy student, or former student," Aidan grins.

"Oh, I can cook really well, that's not it. I just don't get to it," Josh argues. "I love cooking."

"Seriously?" Aidan grimaces.

"What, you, as a nurse, think it's girly to cook?" Josh snorts playfully.

"You just seem so scrawny," Aidan chuckles.

"Oh please, now you almost sound like my mother when I was still a teenager... or well, no, she said that even short before the camping trip," Josh shakes his head, and for the first time he mentions his parents and doesn't feel this heavy burden on his chest that constricts his airways.

It's... _okay._ For now.

"You know, mothers are always right," Aidan shrugs.

"No point in arguing, at least not when a mother is present," Josh agrees. "But... now back to business here, you are serious about... me working at that hospital?"

"What? Yeah, sure," Aidan blinks. "I know the people, so I can set up a job interview in no time. I bet I can do it today, too. They are always looking for new people."

"You are surprisingly supportive for a vampire," Josh chuckles.

"You don't even know what vampires are like," Aidan snorts.

"True, but I guess I'm about to find out, aren't I?" Josh smirks as he dumps the protein shake bottle into the trash can.

"I guess so," Aidan nods. "Okay, so how about I make some phone calls and see if I can schedule an interview while you... try to look human again?"

"According to what we just learned about each other, neither one of us is exactly human anymore," Josh argues.

"True again, but we can still pretend to be normal most of our time," Aidan chuckles as he takes out his phone. "I'll just go into the living room, alright?"

"Sure... and thanks," Josh says before he walks into the bathroom slash bedroom. Aidan goes back into the living room, one hand on his hip, the other holding the phone to his ear. He spins around on the back of his heel, taking the situation in another time.

At this very moment, Aidan honestly feels the closest thing to human ever since he was turned.

"Ah, Jenny, Aidan here. I think I found you another nurse you may want to hire...," Aidan smirks broadly before he goes on to explain the situation.

* * *

As promised, Aidan set up an interview for the day, which is why he is now waiting in front of the private room where Josh and the head-nurse have conversation. And even though Aidan wouldn't ever say it, he is actually anxious, hoping that Josh gets the job. At some point he is really unsure if the injuries to his face won't make it even harder for the werewolf to make a good impression. Because the more the vampire reflected upon the offer, the more of a liking he took to the idea. Aidan gets along with the staff, and most of the female nurses have a crush on him, at least the younger ones, the older ones always say that he somehow has the evil in his eyes, which is probably more true than they could ever think, but Aidan is more on collegial terms with them than on friendship terms. He never goes out to party with them, which is of course also due to his "addiction", and doesn't hang around with them during the breaks. He mostly spends his time alone. So yeah, having someone here who is supposed to be his friend, at least Aidan finds himself hoping that this is be what they will be in the near future, is really a nice prospect.

And honestly, he couldn't care less that his soon-flatmate-and-hopefully-soon-friend is a werewolf.

Destiny is a curious thing – and is sometimes so kind to blur the edges of reality so that you can see its bright colors more prominently, see the true essence.

Aidan is pulled out of his musing as the door opens and Josh steps outside, dances, well, hobbles, given that he still suffers from the kicks he received thanks to Marcus and his friend. However, Josh's face speaks volumes – he flashes his brightly white teeth and his eyes also seem a little lighter.

"So, how did it go?" Aidan asks as the two make their way down the corridors.

"It was absolutely perfect! I mean, at first I thought that I'd get hell for coming to an interview all bruised and cut, but they actually seemed to like it," Josh smirks almost triumphantly. "Even though I ask myself if I would find that good on 'normal' terms."

"What do you mean?" Aidan frowns.

"Well, ugh, they didn't really question my story, so... more generally speaking, any shady person could start here," Josh shrugs, but then his face lights up again. "But who cares, right? I'm hired, so screw it."

"You are exceptionally excited to have a job that mostly involves changing bedpans and diapers," Aidan huffs.

"I don't care," Josh hums gleefully. He honestly can't remember the last time he felt that giddy. Because suddenly his life... it has a purpose again. That he didn't think about that sooner. Josh wanted to become a doctor to help people, not just for the fancy title, the white coat or the money. Josh always hoped that he could make a small change to the world if he could save only a single life with his job. However, when the werewolf happened, Josh lost that perspective, lost that... prospect. He didn't know how he could help people when he couldn't even help himself out of this spot. If you are stuck in a sickness, because that is what the wolf is to Josh, then how do you want to help others, right? However, now that Aidan is in his life, and be it for only just the day it actually is... Josh starts to realize this one thing: maybe he can't cure himself to help people, but someone else may help fix some of the mess so he can help people again. Josh honestly forgot how it is like to have someone support you so that you can move again. And that is why Josh hopes, prays, that this, for once, will hold. That destiny won't be that much of a witch to throw him off-track again. Because for the first time in a felt eternity, Josh feels like his life is gaining direction again, if only to clean out bedpans, if only to have a steady place to turn to, a secured apartment and working place, with perhaps the one person Josh can grow to trust to help him keep it.

"So, when do you start?" Aidan asks.

"Tomorrow already," Josh replies. "Which means I can tell my employers to fuck off, yay."

"I bet that must be satisfactory for you," Aidan chuckles.

"You have no idea," Josh breathes. The two get outside, and Josh notes that for a hospital, this part of the building is really pretty, the richly green grass, the trees, peaceful in its very own way.

"Well, okay, so now, thanks to you, I also have a steady payment for the rent. Now we can think about... searching for an apartment, right?" Josh asks, but then blinks almost shyly. "I mean... if you still want to."

"Josh, I was the one to suggest it, remember," Aidan snorts.

"Yeah, but now you got to know me. I know I'm... nyah," Josh chuckles. There actually was a time when he was more of an outgoing person, but that stopped after the camping disaster, and it died and decayed the night he turned for the first time. Josh knows that he is another person now, though he has not yet determined if this is for good or bad. All he knows is that he became very reserved, mistrusting, skeptical, cynical, silent. At some point he honestly asks himself how it was ever possible that he went to karaoke bars with a bunch of friends, jumped on-stage first and hollered perfectly off-tune, for all to hear, and do the worst dance moves the world has possibly ever seen – and feel amazing as a result and be cheered on by all in the club. Especially since he is now even afraid to talk to people because he can feel the canine bristles of fur throbbing against the inside of his skin. If not for his face still looking the same, Josh is honestly convinced that if he were to run into someone from his past, the person wouldn't recognize him. Who once was an outgoing and hopeful person is now just socially awkward and out of place, in more than one way.

"You are alright," Aidan chuckles. "Or we both are... nyah. I thought we were past this already."

"As you will have to learn about me, I often revisit things and think my head sore about them. I'm more of the brooding type," Josh chuckles.

"Well, no harm in that, I guess," Aidan shrugs. "Anything else I should know?"

"I have OCD," Josh declares with a grimace.

"I bet that makes being a wolf ever the harder," Aidan grimaces, caught between a smirk and eyes full of empathy.

"This put a new level to it," Josh agrees. "So... is that a particular problem for you?"

"Not really. I mean, that means our place will always be clean, right?" Aidan jokes.

"Definitely," Josh nods almost resolutely.

"... then how bad is it? With the OCD, I mean?" Aidan asks. Over the years in the hospital, he has also seen these kinds of people more than once. And some poor devils who cleaned their hands raw or pulled out their hair. He always felt with them, because, so he learned, they very often know what is going on with them, but just can't stop it, which is... on a wider page close to Aidan's problems in some way. He also knows that taking live-blood is wrong, but he ends up doing it again and again. So maybe the blood addiction is his personal OCD, who knows?

"Not that bad, I mean... I just... clean, a lot. And I get bitchy when people leave dirt everywhere," Josh shrugs.

"That diner you worked in is not known to be the most hygienically clean of places. How did you ever make it through?" Aidan asks.

"I still thank the world for those small bottles of hand-sanitizer," Josh shudders.

"I picture," Aidan nods. "Well, to me that is no problem."

"Good, cool... that's... yeah," Josh mutters more to himself than to Aidan. "So, ugh, about the apartment or whatever... I think we should go looking for a place, right?"

"Yeah, that would be the next step," Aidan chuckles.

"Yeah, well, obviously, but I'm just thinking... it'll take a few days, at least, to find something, right? That means we have to think about... how to handle it until we get to move into an apartment," Josh goes on.

"What are you hinting at?" Aidan frowns.

"Well, I'm just... suggesting that... if you want to... you can stay over at my apartment till we have something," Josh goes on. Aidan blinks at him, so Josh explains, "You said you wanted to get away from the coven. And I don't know much, but I guess they will kinda start to talk you out of it if you go back now, right?"

"Sure," Aidan nods. He honestly forgot about that.

"Well, even if I get thrown out by the end of the month, the apartment's still mine for the last few days, so... you could stay there, if you want. Just an offer, all I'm saying," Josh says.

"That'd be great, actually," Aidan admits. "I mean, okay, the apartment is crappy, but... it'll do, right?"

It's odd to realize once again how there is actually still this understanding of mutual help in the world. Aidan helps Josh out with finding a job, Josh helps Aidan out by offering him a roof until they found themselves a place. It sounds probably absolutely normal and unimportant to other people, but for people like Aidan and Josh, this is not something to take for granted. When the world tears so much away from you, when so many people either leave you behind or you leave them behind, it is hard to imagine that there is still the chance of benevolence, good will, companionship, friendship. That you simply help because you want to help and not because you have to.

"It should," Josh shrugs.

"Okay, then I guess we should get some newspapers to go through the flat advertisements," Aidan shrugs.

"... newspaper...," Josh makes a face. "Wow, yeah, that means you're really old."

"What now? People do read newspapers," Aidan argues vehemently.

"Yeah, but when you want to have all offers, you go search the internet," Josh chuckles.

"I bet I can find a better apartment in there than you will on those crap sites," Aidan huffs.

"I bet you won't," Josh snickers.

"Are you challenging me?" Aidan smirks.

"That would mean that you're actually competition," Josh sticks out his tongue.

"For someone who acts like he is totally insecure about himself because of his wild side, you're much into boasting at this moment, huh?" Aidan snorts playfully.

"I just feel incredibly... good today, so I don't care," Josh admits. "Hey, let's make a bet. You take the newspaper, I take the internet, whoever gets the best flat the fastest wins."

"Seriously?" Aidan chuckles.

"Whoever wins gets to choose his room first," Josh offers.

"Fine, know what? Count me in," Aidan smirks. Josh already takes out his smartphone to search for possible apartments.

"Hey, c'mon, that's not fair," Aidan argues.

"That's what the losers always say," Josh laughs, not caring for the blink of an eye how much his ribs hurt at the movement. "And for you, it's a valuable lesson that with the internet, you have the advantage that you can instantly start your search, while you, with the newspaper, will have to wait till you find a store that still has newspapers to begin with."

That is when Aidan nudges him lightly in the side, which makes Josh yelp. The vampire uses the momentum to grab the phone from his hand, walking a bit ahead with a devilish smile flashing over his lips.

"Aw, seriously?!" Josh pouts, holding his side. "That's playing dirty, man."

"That's what the losers always say," Aidan snickers. "You get it back once I have my newspapers."

"But seriously, nudging in the side with bruised ribs is not cool," Josh mutters. Aidan turns around abruptly, his eyes apologetic, "Oh, I'm sorry. I really tried to nudge the slightest I could."

However, that is when Josh grabs his phone back, walking on nonchalantly, "So, to end the fight here, and possible more damage to my ribs, we will wait till we're back in the apartment, deal?"

"Deal," Aidan snorts with a smirk before catching up with the younger man.

"Isn't it odd how we act like already?" Josh chuckles as he stuffs his phone into his pocket. Aidan contemplates for a moment. It's true. They act as though they were college friends or so, people who know each other for half their lives already. Even though they only know each other for a few hours. Yet, here they are, goofing around, joking, and apparently searching for a flat to... live together. This is truly a twisted kind of world.

"It is," Aidan agrees. "But... I don't mind."

"Good, me neither," Josh chuckles.

And so they walk on, feeling like the world is no longer that dark, at least for the day.

The sun bathes the house facades in its warm light, obscuring their outlines. If light can blur these lines, then so they can overcome their boundaries and find a common place among those two personal spaces coming closer.

So they may fight their demons together.

Together. And not alone.


	3. Lies, Ghosts & Spatulas

Author's Note: Hello, everyone! Thanks for reading and reviewing. And sorry that updating took me that long. I actually... didn't start with the beginning of my story, so I'm still writing that, though I hope I soon get back to my plot so that I can update faster, so please bear with me a bit longer ;)

Okay, so this chapter takes up on the pilot, but I have to twist it a bit out of canon by leaving out certain things or putting them in passive voice. But as already mentioned, I want to take what I need – and leave the rest mostly unharmed, so that you aren't too bored.

I guess some of you might ask themselves why I changed their initial meeting, but I wanted to have a stronger co-dependence to build on, and as already mentioned, just repeating the lines from the episode is not too entertaining, at least so in my opinion.

As always, reviews are more than welcome and very much appreciated.

Read, review, and hopefully enjoy ;)

* * *

_We're all hiding something, aren't we? From the moment we wake, look in that mirror, all we do is spin our little lies. Suck in that gut, color that hair, twist off that wedding ring. And why not? What's the penalty? What are the consequences, really? "I'm only human," you say, and all is forgiven. But what if some cruel twist of fate makes you something else, something other? Who forgives you then? Every human spends a night or two on the dark side and regrets it. But what if you only exist on the dark side? We just want the same things that you do: a chance at life, at love. We're not so different in that way. And so we try and sometimes fail. But when you're something other, a monster, the consequences are worse. Much worse. You wake up from your nightmares. We don't._

* * *

Aidan is speeding down the still empty streets on the outskirt of town as morning rises, his face weary, his knuckles turning white as he grasps the steering wheel even tighter.

What a day, really... what a night? What a life, or rather... existence?

His neck muscles strain to the point that his veins stand out, so the vampire pulls over to the side of the road, hammering his head against the steering wheel, screwing his eyes shut.

And that is when Aidan sees it.

His fault.

The red.

The rush.

The blood.

His shame.

All over again.

Aidan had gone out on a date with another nurse from the hospital, Rebecca. Nice girl, pretty, nice smile, bright eyes, cute laughter. They spent a great evening together. And he felt a little more human. Aidan hadn't gone out on dates in a while. He probably should have left it at that.

He _definitely_ should have.

Because what used to be a nice chat, some gentle touches, an exchange of glances soon led to bed. And before he knew it, Aidan had that familiar rush in his ears, his body, his mind. The world was painted red, a loud humming in his ears, deafening his senses, contours faded into the unrecognizable and he knew no more. Once he came back around, he felt the blood sticking to his skin, serving as the memento of his sin. Because Aidan lost it. Lost it again. Lost what he thought he was able to grab on to again.

His humanity.

And Aidan really thought he was doing well. Especially now that he had something, _someone_ to ground him, keep him away from the rush... it feels even worse than it did before. Because now Aidan didn't just fail himself, which is bad enough, but he failed Josh also. And here Aidan had believed that the guilt he felt over his wrongdoings couldn't be any worse. It is worse now, because... apparently, feeling guilty for failing someone else is so much more painful, such a deeper stab into your chest. This feeling is even worse than was the phone call to Bishop so he helps clean up that mess.

And so Aidan is back to Stone One...

Great.

Just how to tell Josh?

Or not tell him?

Because that would be the option Aidan would favor above all. He doesn't want to have his friend disappointed in him. He doesn't want to... make this real. Or at least any more real than are the fine red lines still under his fingernails. The vampire just wants to shove all of it back into that box he keeps in his dead heart, count it to the other many wrongdoings that piled up over the years and leave it there, shove it deeper, kill it, shoot it, but simply make sure it doesn't come back out. At least that... _worked._.. over the course of the past years. Made him pull through the next day, somehow, anyhow. But now Aidan starts to call that into question. Because he tries to get away from that, yet, he always ends up back in that dark spectrum where he has to call Bishop to help him out, even if he promised Josh, more or less, that he would try to stay away from him and the coven.

Aidan never was delusional. He never thought that it would be easy to be... anything close to human. However, that he suddenly had someone to help him out had actually made him a bit more confident in himself and that he could pull through if he relied on the one friend Aidan actually sees as such these days. And that seems so stupid now. So pointless.

Such a lie.

Even if Aidan had been close to hopeful thanks to his growing friendship with Josh and the growing distance to the coven, another part of him started nagging and bragging, pulling him down by the edges. That he will simply be a disappointment again. Even if Josh's eyes held no judgment when Aidan told him about his past mistakes, the vampire can't imagine that Josh will simply swallow it that he...

Killed. Failed. _Again._

Because it's one thing to understand that someone had a rough time in the past which led to bad, _bad_ things, but another to accept that this someone dared to make the same mistake again, even with the prospect of a better life now. Which means that Aidan now has to fear that he might even lose this one constant he wants to rely on – having a place with Josh, having a life that is closer to human than a life in the coven could ever possibly be. And all that because of one moment of weakness. Aidan hates this: That one moment can change everything.

The vampire takes another moment to breathe through the pain in his chest before he enters the road again. After all, he promised Josh to come pick him up after the change. Aidan makes it to the outskirt of the woods, but as he nears the trees, he sees... violet.

Aidan frowns as the specter of violet becomes bigger and bigger, gaining flesh colored tendrils and then a brown... hat, is it? However, as he comes closer, Aidan realizes Josh is that violet blob. A very pissed Josh in a floral pattern... dress. Aidan parks the car next to the werewolf, who hastily gets inside, his eyes sternly keeping away from Aidan. The vampire wordlessly hands him the bag with clothes and Josh starts to tear out clothes other than what he snitched from someone's garden after the change. He somehow ended up in a different part of the woods and couldn't find his clothes anymore.

Aidan then turns around to look at Josh, before he puts on a dark grin, "You little slut."

Josh growls some incoherent curses to himself before he starts putting on a sweater and pants.

"I will burn that thing," he mutters.

"What? The colors suit you," Aidan laughs.

"Shut up," Josh curses. "I hate you."

That is when Aidan holds out a bag with burgers to him. He knows that the werewolf is always very hungry after a change, which stands to reason, of course. A transformation is a great strain on the body, such a strain that it would kill almost anyone else, if not for the enhanced abilities and endurance. So, as a good roommate and for possibly (though not obviously) making up for last night, Aidan decided to bring Josh something to eat before they get to work.

Josh snatches the food from the vampire, still grumbling, "I still hate you."

"... so now what exactly happened to your pants? Because I know that you had them when I dropped you off yesterday night," Aidan goes on. "Or else be sure I wouldn't have taken you."

"You seriously think I'd walk around like that if I knew?" Josh curses. "Though..."

"What? You now come out and say you're a cross-dresser? That is something you should have told me by now, you know?" Aidan chuckles.

Josh lets out a loud cough.

"I told you to chew," Aidan jokes, though his eyebrows furrow in concern as Josh goes on coughing.

"It's not the food," Josh explains. "I think those are my pants."

"... I lost you," Aidan grimaces.

"... I think the wolf... ate my pants," Josh grimaces.

"How would you tell?" Aidan asks

Josh coughs another time, holding his hand in front of his mouth, just to show to Aidan what looks like tatters of jeans.

"Oh," Aidan brings out. Josh already rolls down the window to toss the cloth outside, disgustedly rubbing his palms. He is just always so disgusted with himself after a change. He is over with dirt, he can taste copper on his tongue, and if he gets really lucky, he will spend the rest of the day in the restroom, throwing up the deer he is sure the wolf found. At least that is the most reasonable explanation for the blood he was drenched in... if the deer head next to him was no wink of fate. Though Josh was glad to find the antlers still on the animal's head. It would have been more than hard to bring that back up.

Aidan starts the car, makes a U-turn, and drives back to town.

"I just wanna die right now," Josh sighs, leaning back.

"You can die after the shift, okay? We are working on the same floor. And I won't cover up for you just because you wanna go on moping," Aidan argues.

"_Moping?_ You are kidding me, right? The wolf, which means I... just ate my pants. I literally ate my pants, Aidan. That's not what normal people do. No one does that," Josh whines.

"You know that you're kinda referencing the Simpsons now, right?" Aidan chuckles.

"That was about shorts... and I didn't mean to take it literally," Josh snorts, glancing out the window. As the car picks up speed, the colors of the woods mesh into long stripes of brown, green and black, like long tendrils still eager to cling on to a bit of Josh's skin and pull him back. He hates this feeling. He honestly hates it. Not only is Josh humiliated, dirty, and bloody, but it seems that even though he leaves the woods now, Josh doesn't leave them, really. Because he can't escape his curse. He can't escape the wolf. No matter how far Josh travels, he will always end up in some kind of forest to be the beast. He feels caged in the wide area the forest offers. Josh feels caged because he always has the fear in his very soul that the wolf will leap one step further. Even if Josh was glad when he found a house where he could get... _something..._ to put on, it came to him as a sickening realization just how close he had woken up to civilization, to people. There were just a few miles from the wolf eating a person, a family. Destroying other people's lives.

Obviously, the transformation is the worst part. It hurts, simply hurts when his bones shift, his skin stretches to the point that it should tear, when his organs change shape and position. However, the second worse is this consuming fear before the change that Josh will wake up to a human head next to him in the moss. And the werewolf has no clue how he could ever live on if he, or the wolf, took a life, only because the beast is hungry. Only because he can't control himself. Because the thing is that Josh can't control himself, no matter how hard he tries. And that is the third worse evil. This lack of control, the absolute absence of it. That he can't protect what is dear to him once he is in that state, his humanity.

"I just want a break," Josh brings out, almost whimpering. He grasps the bridge of his nose, trying to hold back tears. Simply one month when he doesn't turn. One month of normal, of no pain, no fear... no trousers trying to come back up.

"Me, too," Aidan sighs, his eyes fixed on the road.

They make their way to the hospital in silence.

There is just nothing left to be said about it.

* * *

Some time later, they are in the locker rooms. Aidan is already changed into his navy-blue scrubs and sits on the bench, waiting for his friend to come out. Josh took an extensive shower to get all the blood and dirt off him, but now, so Aidan can hear, the poor guy is hanging over the toilet throwing up his guts. Aidan winces at each heave in sympathy, because he can hear just how painful this must be. Josh flushes the toilet a few times and lets the water run for a long time before he comes outside, still looking a little pale.

"You alright?" Aidan asks as Josh opens his locker to get out the mouthwash and gargles for a certain time before he spits it into the paper cup he has there for that reason.

"Peachy," Josh snorts. "I can't stop thinking about that child's excuse for not doing the homework coz the dog ate it. Just that... this actually happened... though it was my pants."

Aidan chuckles softly.

"Seriously, there were times in my life when I didn't have to bother about that kind of shit. I threw up when I ate something bad, not because a certain canine creature living within me decided to just eat anything that comes its way. I don't have enough mouthwash to get that taste off my tongue, blegh," Josh mutters.

"Being normal would be really nice for a change, I know what you mean," Aidan agrees.

"It would be _tremendous,_ no it'd be a dream becoming true... the problem is that it means that it is just a dream indeed," Josh exhales. "You remember the times when it was still easy to simply... live?"

"Faintly," Aidan replies.

"We just seem so far lost already," Josh sighs, his chest heaving.

"I think we _are_ that far lost already," Aidan corrects him sadly. At least _he_ is.

"Anywho...," Josh says suddenly in a lighter voice, rummaging through his locker. He retrieves a piece of paper he claps against Aidan's chest. The vampire takes the sheet to look at it curiously.

"I may have found something," Josh explains. Aidan skims through the page.

"And by the way, that means I get to choose the room," Josh smirks.

"What?" Aidan blinks at him.

"I found that offer on the internet," Josh shrugs. "And you know as well as me that we have to get out of that provisional apartment we live in right now."

"Hey, it isn't the almost bad," Aidan argues.

"Which part are you talking about? That we have to be out by the end of the week because the landlord is an asshole, the regular pipe bursts, the bunch of cats that decides to scream every damn night, or the suddenly loose floor board that I stepped on and knocked myself out with?" Josh mutters. Really, if not for those windows at sunrise, Josh would despise just everything about that apartment.

"Hey, c'mon, with the cats you are just pissed coz you're a dog. And the floor board was pretty hilarious, totally slapstick," Aidan snickers, though he has to admit to himself that he didn't really manage to laugh at the scene when it happened, but was more in worry about his roommate, who was really out cold.

"Yeah, it was awesome to have the imprint on my forehead for a week. I loved it," Josh snorts. "Or how I was out cold for like... three minutes."

"As you said, it was never intended to be our place. It's just provisional," Aidan sighs.

"Right, so now I'm making loose ends meet. This house might be a good shot," Josh goes on. "And I'm so looking forward that I get to pick rooms first."

"Not that again...," Aidan sighs, slapping his palm against his forehead.

"The bet's still on, after all, it's just provisional," Josh smirks. "And anyways, that's the way losers talk."

Aidan grunts something unintelligible, but then looks at the printout again, marveling for a moment, but then frowns. "Since when do you have this?"

"Huh? I dug it up yesterday once I was off shift," Josh shrugs. "And I already talked to the landlord, his name's Danny, by the way. He said we could take a look at it today already, if we wanted to."

"Why didn't you say anything yesterday, then?" Aidan asks. Because that is at least something worth to tell.

"... I wanted to have something good to say after the change," Josh admits sheepishly. Aidan is torn between the smile tugging at his lips and the sadness in his eyes. Just how little do they have left to look forward to, if only it is to have some good news to tell after going through a night of terror? That just seems so unfair.

"Well, this _is_ good," Aidan then says, purposely a bit more cheerful than he normally would be, clapping the back of the hand against the paper. "It might be our new home."

"Right... so, you're in? I mean, we get off shift at the same time, so I thought it'd be a good time to do it," Josh goes on.

"Sounds alright to me," Aidan agrees as he hands Josh the paper back. The werewolf places it back in his locker, and Aidan notes, but doesn't comment, just how carefully Josh places the paper, so that when he opens it, it is the first thing he sees.

A flash of hope.

"Unless you throw up the rest of your jeans all over Danny," Aidan jokes as he gets up, patting his friend on the shoulder.

"Or if you don't suck him dry," Josh snickers, nudging Aidan away before he walks ahead. The vampire stands there, perplex, torn.

Because what Josh meant as a joke...

Already happened.

"Are you coming or what?" Josh calls over his shoulder, peeking his head back into the locker rooms. Aidan shakes the cobwebs and dark tendrils out of his head before he skips a few steps to catch up to Josh.

"But it's really necessary that we get out of that apartment, or else we'll be squatting in hostels and hourly motels. And I don't know how it is about you, but I like my own bed," Aidan snorts.

"I know that this arrangement now is far from perfect, okay? I would've given you your own room if... that apartment would have more than one room," Josh argues. He honestly pities Aidan that he has to crash on his couch – though Josh offered to take it, since he considers Aidan a guest of the house, but the vampire strongly objected, insisting in turn that this is Josh's apartment.

"You know what I mean. Besides, God! What do you do with a girl if you meet one – and we're stuck in a hotel?" Aidan huffs. "Or worse, in the streets."

He knows that Josh tried to bypass contact with humans outside the working sphere – and that included any romantic relationship whatsoever. At some point, Aidan honestly understood Josh, and especially after what... happened, not long ago... he honestly starts to reconsider his own handling of the situation. Maybe being a monster deems loving someone outside that sphere simply impossible.

Forbidden.

Maybe love is simply not meant to be, for monsters.

"And yet another gentle reminder of how badly my life sucks. Thank you," Josh cries out as they walk down the next hallway. He didn't tell Aidan about this so that he goes ahead and make fun of him, for goodness sake! This is serious! Josh is just so damn afraid of being close to someone that the mere thought of a relationship makes him want to hide somewhere in a dark corner and never come out again. Already befriending Aidan was about the hugest risk he took ever since he was turned, but to be close, be intimate with someone again... even if Josh thinks it may never come to it again, he doesn't need Aidan to belittle the situation. It's bad enough the way it is.

"And for the record, reminding me I haven't had sex in the last two years...," Josh means to say, but then sees a young nurse comes their way, almost bumping into her, so he quickly changes the message. "Total lie."

"Sorry," she mutters, looking a little disgusted.

"No, he is. Please," Aidan argues, and Josh agrees quickly, "I am."

"I'm Aidan," the vampire smirks.

"Hi. Uhm. Cara," she replies.

"Josh," the werewolf smiles at her kindly.

"Are you new here or...," Aidan frowns, but Cara intervenes, "Yeah. I'm actually I'm just filling in for... Rebecca. She didn't show up in ICU, so they called me in."

Josh frowns. Didn't Aidan say he wanted to have a date with her? However, when he searches the vampire's eyes, Aidan quickly glances away, hoping that somehow that will cover up his shame. Josh shakes his head, focusing back on Cara.

"Welcome, Milady," Josh says, badly faking a British accent. It's cute at some point, really, but at another point, Aidan wants to roll his eyes. He wonders how that guy ever got a girl if he is just... _that._.. around women, or people in general.

But the monsters inside of you change you, as it seems. They pull you into yourself until only flashes and speckles of you remain that the outside world can see.

They are all just mere reflections of themselves, of the people they used to be.

"Yeah, I'm actually just looking for the nurse's station. Do either of you know...," Cara asks, so Aidan informs her, "It's second floor, left from the elevator."

"Great. Thanks. It was really great meeting both of you," Cara waves before quickly walking off. Once she is out of sight, Josh wants to ask Aidan about Rebecca, after all, he heard that he was going on a date with her the other night, but before he can get to it, the vampire already took off into one of the patient's rooms. Josh shakes his head. Maybe he just confused the dates, but...

Why did Aidan not look at him, then?

Aidan, for the rest of the shift, tries to stay away from Josh and from that dark box looming above his head. However, nothing seems to be going in his favor. As it turns out, he later on finds Marcus in the hospital, to let Aidan know that Bishop is out to recruit what Marcus refers to as "Big muckety-mucks", people who have more say, more influence, more cash, who grant Bishop even more power than he has anyways. That guy is just so damn avid for power that it makes Aidan's stomach churn painfully. Though it doesn't come to Aidan as a surprise that Marcus now considers himself the second in command, after all, he knows how many years it took Marcus to get his nose firmly inserted up Bishop's ass. The problem is that now Aidan has yet another threat standing between him and his humanity, taking aside what happened the other night, the fact that he is a vampire who relapsed, and that he is now forced into owing Bishop a favor again – and Aidan knows that once the vampire has his hands back on his shoulder, Bishop will try anything to suck him back into that part of Boston, of himself, that he desperately tries to climb his way out of.

Because he doesn't want to go back down that pit of no return.

* * *

Once work is over, the two friends make their way to the address of their perhaps-future-home. Of course Josh is overly giddy, forgetting about any kind of... smartness the man surely has most of the time. It's obvious that he likes the house, loves it, really. Because it actually gives him the feeling that this is anything close to a home. Aidan is not too sure about the house – he can already see the load of work it would take to give it a new lease of life, and keeping in mind his credit record, which is crap, that is surely something he would rather not pay too much for. He can't afford that, and doesn't want to. However, he can already see that Josh is literally in love with this house, for whatever the reason now. The problem is that Josh is too busy showing that to Danny, which his against any strategy Aidan laid out to beat down the price. After the tour, the two and Danny are in discussion.

Josh, despite being so clever, doesn't get the message that Danny wants to get away from the house because his fiancée died in there. It never ceases to amaze Aidan that Josh has so much empathy that he even feels along with movie characters and their challenges, but is oblivious to such things when he is not ready for it. And the vampire is ever the less impressed with the news, because it only brings up the pictures of Rebecca. The blood. His shame.

However, Aidan is pulled out of the darkly red-painted world behind his eyelids when Danny drops a certain comment, "Look, you two seem alright, I know the place isn't perfect, but it's- it's a _great_ place, for a couple, it really is."

Josh's eyes almost pop out of their sockets.

"What?!"

Fine, so Josh didn't have sex with women for a while, but that doesn't automatically make him gay, right? Not that he is against it, but... now wait. Does he look...? Is it really that outrageous for two friends to get a house – to be roommates without benefits?

"What?" Danny blinks at him.

"It's ok," Aidan assures him quickly.

Yep, if the conversation wasn't awkward already, it surely is now.

"So... so look, I can come by on weekends and do what fix-up I can. As far as I'm concerned, any furniture in there is yours," Danny goes on, desperately trying to get out of that awkward moment, and all is forgotten once he drops the next part, "And honestly...I don't need a credit check."

_Yes!_ Aidan doesn't care for how crappy this house may be for as long as they can afford it, a place of their own, away from everything that lies in the past, if only for a day.

And just like that... they have the prospect of an actual home.

And if Aidan didn't get the message yet, he surely does after the dumb yet somehow adorable smile Josh flashes at him. The vampire knows just how badly the werewolf wants this, needs this. A home, a place to stay at, settle down. And that is when Aidan knows that he will just keep the box where it is. It's better to have Josh happy. Because then Aidan has at least the faint hope that he can be happy also.

* * *

So, by the end of the week, the two men are busy moving out of Josh's _former_ apartment, as he always underlines, to their _new_ house, home, refuge, space of madness and harbor of a kind of normalcy. Josh only takes one moment as they get out the last bit of things to glance through the window another time – because that is the only thing he will ever miss about this apartment, this... life, actually, or whatever you may call it, because it wasn't much of a living, so the werewolf knows now. When Aidan calls after him, Josh doesn't even hesitate to leave, though. The way he sees it, he is done just looking at the light, the hope, the bright side from behind the glass. Josh has to be right out there, or else he'll stare at the glasses forever, hoping that they will somehow reflect the light into him and fix his darkness. Josh is just done being bystander in his own life. And moving out is the first step, well, out.

Currently, the two are carrying a wooden table inside, and for the faintest of moments, it really feels like they are just two roommates moving in together, like two human beings being human, doing what everyone else does, closing one chapter, starting another. The two try to cling on to that feeling more desperately than either one wants to admit.

"Do we still have to get, like, a coffin for you?" Josh jokes as the put down the table in the kitchen. Aidan lets out a dismissive grunt, "I didn't ever."

"So that's just a total myth? I was wondering," Josh smirks as he carefully measures the right angle to set the table, the little perfectionist he is.

"Not a total myth, it's just something that only the real... traditionalists still tend to do," Aidan explains, hugging his chest. It actually came to him as a surprise how easy-going Josh is about many things about his vampirism. Obviously, there are things Josh still gets nervous, freaked, and angry about and there are many aspects he just doesn't understand, but the things he does get are things Josh almost magically seems to understand to twist into normalcy, without even noticing it himself. Because Josh doesn't see that this is anything close to normal yet. Aidan learned that the first time he brought blood to their provisional apartment. When he wanted to put it in the fridge, Josh had already made one space clear for him to put the blood bags there, seemingly knowing that it would be somehow embarrassing for Aidan to ask where to put it. That went without losing a single word on it. And when Aidan drank blood this one morning, from the blood bag, Josh walked in on him, so basically seeing Aidan using blood for the very first time, but instead of freaking out, which was actually the reaction Aidan had anticipated, Josh just moaned that he should please use a mug, just the way you tell kids not to drink from the milk carton directly. So without being aware of it, Josh managed something that Aidan failed to do in years now, to create a bit of normalcy with the smallest of things. And the same is true for these kinds of conversations. Josh just asks, in his almost childishly curious way at times, how it is like to be a vampire, to understand, to get to know. And that still amazes Aidan, to be perfectly honest, because the reaction he usually gets is a "moving away", this awkward trying to bypass the topic, feeling uncomfortable mentioning it. Because this actually seems to make a difference. It's not just pretending that Aidan is not a vampire or that Josh is not a werewolf, it's about trying to make the fact that they are... normal. They pretend to be human to the rest of the world, for everything that happens outside these four walls, but inside, they can be them, and that is supposed to become their new normal. However, at the same time, this brings Aidan's stomach to do backflips, because he sees Josh, sees how hard he is trying, while he knows that there is a boundary he already crossed that goes beyond not using a mug for the blood, about the thing that he fears might make all this collapse.

About his failure.

When Aidan really was just what he is, a damn vampire, needing blood, and taking it because he is too weak to fight his damn urges.

"Okay, I think that works. C'mon, let's get the rest," Josh says, pulling Aidan out of his thoughts. Aidan nods hastily as he follows the younger man back outside to carry in the next boxes and other pieces of furniture. The vampire simply goes with the flow, hoping that this will somehow just put his mind off the obvious. And it actually seems to work when Josh starts his cleaning madness, and by that Aidan really means madness. The werewolf didn't lie about having OCD, that much is for sure. While Aidan busies himself with a newspaper, Josh almost runs round for round around the kitchen table with the mop, cleaning as though there was no tomorrow. That is yet another thing that Aidan finds simply astonishing about his roommate – just how much effort the man puts into the small things, hoping that they somehow make a difference, even it is just a clean home, a squeaky clean home. And so, the two are soon in round two of moving in, putting things up to where they belong, unpacking the smaller things to make this place theirs, after Josh made sure there is not a single bit of dust anywhere, possibly ever again.

After a while, the two settled in a good routine so that Aidan carries in the boxes of smaller things while Josh unwraps everything and puts it in the right places. The vampire doesn't mind, after all, he has enough strength as someone of his species, and he is not all too eager to have Josh rearranging everything he puts around the place. However, this is all safe for his own room, because Josh clearly respects that this is Aidan's realm, which is yet another thing the vampire likes about the werewolf – he is curious, yes, but not nosy. Josh doesn't go through Aidan's stuff and as the werewolf remarked one time, he knows the value of privacy and having some things to harbor, no matter how little they are. So now that they move in, Josh puts whatever box is labeled as Aidan's downstairs into his room, but nothing more.

The vampire lifts up the big empty picture frame that Josh insisted they put up in their home, though he never specified why. Probably something he saw on one of those home channel shows he apparently watches with great passion, so the vampire had to learn, and that does not yet include the cooking shows, and this antiquity show that Josh is literally obsessed with. Aidan made the mistake _once_ to ask him about it. Josh managed to talk about that show for an hour without seemingly taking a breath, though he is _not_ a vampire, all the way from what people sell to what hosts the show already had, all the way to how he loves antiquity, just as his mother did, and so on, and so on. He is really domestic for a formerly nomadic living werewolf, Aidan has to give him that much.

The vampire turns around to ask Josh to hold it, but much to his surprise, the werewolf is fast asleep on the couch. Aidan puts the frame down on the mantelshelf with a face, tossing imaginary paper balls at Josh. Even though Josh has more strength than most people, especially around the full moon, he is still just a human for the rest of the time, and now that the change was only a week ago, it stands to reason that he is, well, exhausted, a sensation that Aidan only rarely feels, and mostly for emotional reasons, or if he gets into a really bad fight with one of his own. At some point Aidan envies Josh for this sensation, because it means you are, well, alive, in this world, not the world where you fight your own blood-drinking kin, but in the world where you buy groceries, have a job, watch TV, play babysitter for the neighbors' kid, where you feel exhausted after a night out with friends, a baseball game, or moving into your new home. That is the kind of exhaustion Aidan finds himself yearning for.

To be exhausted because you are alive.

Not because of fighting the urges of someone undead.

Aidan lets out a sigh as he leaves Josh to his peaceful slumber and simply goes downstairs into his room to unpack his things, trying desperately to cling on to the former sensation, that of a home.

Of hope coming out of the smallest of things.

* * *

Later the day, Josh is all the way back to cheerful and overly energized, which he channelizes by... cooking. Since Aidan doesn't eat anything other than blood, he couldn't care less about food, which is contrary to Josh's notion, who is all up for cooking food, talking about food, food, food. Food. He even does those hovering sounds as he maneuvers the food from the pan to the plate. Even when he was still alive and therefore able to enjoy a good meal, Aidan never felt the urge or need to muse over it that much. He was happy if he had something good to eat, and he hated to eat something that was simply disgusting, or not enough, but he never felt passion for cooking food. The way he sees it, it's a generation thing. He comes from a time when most men weren't interested in cooking anyway. So Aidan is torn between somehow finding this... funny... while at the same time it already starts to annoy him. Aidan can't help the smirk when something drops to the ground.

"Well, look at you Julia Child," he snorts, still busying himself with the newspaper. The only thing Josh misses is one of those aprons with ruffles, with polka dots.

"Well, if you are alone in the kitchen and you make a mistake, who would ever know?" Josh smirks as he picks it back up, imitating... Julia Child, not all too well, but... that's just Josh's humor. However, that is when the lights flicker and the two men look around, confused. Josh glances to the entryway where something or rather someone is passing by.

"Someone's in the house," Josh brings out, still staring, but then opens one of the drawers... to bring out a spatula. If Aidan wasn't actually preoccupied with the possible intruder in their new home, he'd probably make a comment now.

"Where?" the vampire questions.

"Upstairs," Josh grits his teeth nervously. Aidan jumps to his feet. Seriously, only they are not only cursed with being not-human, no, they can't even have a house without someone trying to break in the very first day. He expects Josh, plus the spatula, to catch up with him, but the other man actually pulls him back, "Aidan, Aidan, wait, wait, wait shouldn't we... call 911?"

At that Aidan can't help the comment anymore, "You're a werewolf."

Okay, Josh is really domestic for a werewolf, but Aidan honestly thought he'd have... at least a little bit of guts left inside of him not to just be... a sissy.

"Yeah, well, occasionally," Josh argues. Fine, he is this raging canine creature, but only once a month. For the rest of the month, Josh tries anything to stay away from the beast. And it's not like he can just close his eyes, and boom, he is a werewolf eating the intruder. If that ever was the case, and Josh would actually be forced to just turn into a fur-covered anger-monster whenever he is aggravated... he'll just jump off the next-best bridge. That much is for sure. Being a werewolf once a month is bad enough, being on the verge of becoming one in any situation... Josh has honestly no clue how Aidan does it.

And he doesn't want to find out.

But there are more important things, apparently, namely that intruder in their new home.

"Useless condition," Aidan grunts dismissively before he walks upstairs. Josh is short up behind him until they find... a young woman. In their home. Curly, unruly dark hair. Grey, cozy clothes. Slim. Bright, vibrant eyes.

"Oh, ladies and gentleman, the Bobsey twins!" she suddenly cries out, goofing around. "I am God, I am everywhere, I drive all night just to get back home."

The two men stare at her incredulously.  
"Are you trying to scare us with Bon Jovi?" Aidan blinks.  
"You can hear me?" she asks, her eye widening. This happening. This. Is. Happening.

Someone, finally someone!  
"Yeah," Aidan shrugs. This just got a whole new level of weird.  
"You went searching for drug change in the wrong couch cushions lady, I'm calling the cops," Josh scolds her. Aidan turns to him, "Josh?"

He can't know. The poor devil knows almost nothing, well, at some point Aidan always wonders if it isn't actually for the best not to know, but that is a talk he'll have to give him.  
"What?" Josh stares daggers at him.  
"She's a ghost," Aidan explains.  
"Shut up," Josh snorts, but then turns to Sally in shock. "You're a ghost?"

That can't be, can it? Only he ends up becoming roommates with a vampire, just to get a house that's haunted, by a ghost, a ghost who likes Bon Jovi.

At some point Josh actually starts to favor the image of her as simply... a drug addict. Because for those you can call 911. As far as he knows, there is no such thing for a ghost. You don't call police, you call... an exorcist? The Ghostbusters? The next thing he buys for the house is a bunch of... wasn't it salt or something? Okay, so the first thing he buys is a book about exorcising ghosts, and then whatever equipment he may need.

Josh searches the young woman's eyes, which are bubbling with sheer enthusiasm, such a strong enthusiasm that she lifts her head, laughing, simply laughing. Because this is happening. This is reality. She is reality again. She is finally... there. It's as though she is finally breathing again, even if she is not. They are seeing her. She is seen. No longer invisible, no longer talking to herself to make the loneliness a little more bearable. People see her, hear her, she has a voice again, a voice that rings all the way back into this world where this was... normal, and by no means a surprise or a special thing. She is... back.

Is that what freedom feels like?

Sounds like?

Looks like? Like two... guys she never met in real life, one armed with a spatula?

And even if it's not freedom, it's so relieving that she can barely believe it.

Josh stares at her as though she was, well, a ghost? He actually thought this was only just a metaphor, but as he had to learn, normal is just no longer on the plate when it comes to his life, or now their life, because it's Aidan's, too. Though he seems much calmer about this. Great, just great. Here he thought he could have slightly normal, but no, they get haunted, by a ghost. And as if on cue, the Lady dissolves into mist, just to come back the next moment.

"Sorry, I still don't totally have a handle on this," she giggles. "I'm Sally, hi."

And with that she poofs away again, yelling, "Crap!" just the way a Lady would.

And so... it's suddenly...

Three.


	4. We Stumble, We Fall

Author's Note: Hello, everyone! Thanks for sticking around! Sorry that the update took so long!

Special thanks to Rouxwulf for being my first reviewer. And don't worry, I will most certainly continue, I just have to work my way through the _beginning_ – because the rest I have already figured out ;)

Because I made a change in the timeline by having Aidan and Josh live together before they rent this house, I have to make a slight change to the time in this one also, though I don't think that this will mess up everything, so meeting renting the house and now are a bit further apart to be in tune with the full moon again.

Since this chapter, too, deals with the pilot still, I mostly use the original lines (at least I hope I quote correctly here). I do so because I found the episode strong as it is and didn't want to change it, so I want to stress the inner struggles a little more instead, but I will not always just copy the dialogs like that, rest assured^^

Anyways, I hope you'll like it. Review if you feel like it. That'd make me really happy^^

Read, review, and hopefully enjoy ;)

* * *

_Being normal seems so easy. Because it's, well, __normal__, right? You get the groceries, you cook in your new kitchen, move out, move in, start a new life, end another. People do that everyday and no one would ever bother to question it. _

_Until you have to question it. _

_Until normalcy is at stake – and you'd do anything to simply do these things. Because, of course, you can get the groceries, even as a monster you can. That's no problem, no big deal. As a monster, you can do things just like normal people would. _

_But that is the crux here. _

_Just__ like normal people would._

_It's almost the same, but __just__ almost. _

_When people go shopping, they just don't mind. They don't care about the act. When you as a monster do the same thing, you have all those thoughts nagging at you that mean to viciously drown you in that murky black bog of inhumanity, of monsters, demons of all shapes and not-existent color. But as a monster, you will ask yourself if you pick up apples the wrong way, if people can see it in your eyes, in the way you move, talk. You are just constantly afraid that you'll be caught. That the monster seeps through the pores of your skin and consumes you. _

_And even if you manage somehow to push those fears out of your head, another fundamental fear remains, is buried deep within you, within your very soul, or what's left of it after the beast had its fun with it. Because even though it is torture to get the groceries, move in, move out, cook food while living with the fear of being discovered, it is living hell to realize that even that decal of a normal life can be ripped away from you. _

_Just almost is still better than nothing at all, right?_

_Decals can be nice, too._

_So please, please, don't take the groceries, the moving, the cooking away. _

_Don't leave us monsters with nothing._

* * *

So Josh and Aidan met Sally – the Ghost. And apparently, so she revealed to them, she has been around even before they moved in, is apparently the dead fiancée of Danny, is apparently very nosy, but can't actually remember a single thing about how she died, which would help a great deal to make her move on – and according to Josh's wishes away. He knows that he is being rude and selfish in that regard, but the werewolf can't push the feelings aside that his humanity, or the tatters he was able to gather now that Aidan gave him a new perspective, could be ripped away from him again just as fast as he was able to gather them. Josh wants normal, and as a werewolf with a vampire for a roommate, it will surely be enough of a struggle already. They don't need another supernatural creature in the house to throw them off balance.

However, what puts Josh off even more than did Sally's assumption of Aidan and him going "all Twilight on each other", is actually Aidan's attitude towards that... well, _problem_? Because the vampire obviously doesn't see it as such. He even seems to find this amusing. Because Sally is "not his first ghost". Josh could have smacked him for the dumb smirk, as though it was a great achievement that he already knows that song, but at the same time forgot to ever mention it to his roommate. Aidan had enough time to actually meet a ghost, well, screw Josh for not having been bitten earlier to get a chance to deal around with ghosts to react as appropriately as Aidan did, showing all the ghost-courtesy you seemingly have to pay them.

Josh honestly thought that moving in together, into this house, would be their dream, or attempt to work towards it. It's not like Josh can't share Aidan. They are friends, roommates, so it's not like he gets possessive over him in any way, but Josh is not a very trustful person by nature. That he trusts Aidan is the greatest risk he has taken since... since he proposed to Julia, most likely. Josh wants to dare to trust Aidan, even though he is a vampire, even though they barely know each other. That is what he builds his card house on at this moment. However, Josh just can't afford to lose that also, this last bit of normalcy, this one friend he was able to make ever since his life was turned upside-down and made him the social outcast that he is. Josh doesn't trust people. He grew to be afraid of them because they are the painful reminder for him that he is no longer a part of this. And while he is not afraid of Aidan for some reason, the prospect of a ghost, another entity from this dark world they both try to get away from, gives Josh shivers down his spine. Sally seems likable, even for a peep-ghost, but the werewolf can't say that he really trusts her. Because he can't even trust himself to begin with.

Josh just can't understand that Aidan would seriously risk what they already have, this tiny bud that may bloom to humanity someday, to... _what_? Josh doesn't even know what Aidan wants with her. Perhaps the vampire is more of a Samaritan after all, someone who picks up strays and gives them a place, as a way of redemption. Though Josh never really took Aidan for the type. And at some point the werewolf sincerely hopes that this is not the state of affairs. Josh wants to be _friends_ with Aidan, and not just... the latest project of showing goodwill, only to move on to the next poor devil who may be in greater need of support.

Josh can't afford to lose more friends, generally lose more than he already did.

_So yeah_, he doesn't want a haunted house.

_So yeah_, he just wants to return to being roommates with Aidan, alone.

_So yeah_, he is selfish, but Josh doesn't really care.

**"**So you're okay with a ghost living in our house?" Josh questions his roommate as they walk down the corridors of the hospital. This might be his only chance to convince Aidan to rather... get rid of the problem.

"You do realize that technically it's her house," the vampire corrects him. Josh desperately holds back the comment that it's technically _theirs_, because they pay for it, for goodness sake! Just because she can't move on doesn't mean that this is no longer their place, their home, right?

_Right_?!

"Look, I'm sorry that she died and she never got married and, and she doesn't know how to move on, but seriously, I mean, the whole point of this house was having one place where monsters aren't, where you don't have to apologize or hide or think about what we are. Where we can eat pizza, or pretend to eat pizza, where we can be human for, like, just an hour or two," Josh argues, his voice sadder towards the end than he had wanted to. He doesn't always want to be the emotional sap here.

"And from what I know about ghosts, a ghost isn't a ghost without a reason. Sally, everything she knows about ghosts seems to come from Whoopi Goldberg. She knows nothing, Josh. Would you please give her a chance to find her way?" Aidan argues, because he honestly doesn't get it that Josh is so upset about it. Okay, it's of course always something to process to learn about a new monster species. Aidan give shim that much, but even when Josh learned about his vampirism, Josh quickly adapted to that and curiosity won. What happened to that spirit? And it honestly surprises him that Josh, who even sticks around hospital after his shift to talk to patients who don't receive visitors, is now acting so selfishly when they are having someone in front of them who is facing yet another facet of that darkness. They all just want to move on with their lives.

Why doesn't Josh understand that?

"Where the hell are we?"Josh asks, looking around. Aidan doesn't just play Ghost Whisperer, but now drags him to the weird parts of the hospital, this is really getting out of hand.

"They just cleared this place out for expansion, but that could take years. It's perfect, isn't it? You can change down here," Aidan explains, now with a pang of pride in his voice. The idea came to him a little while ago, and he was honestly proud of himself for the epiphany.

Josh blinks at him incredulously, "Into a crazy person?"

"Step one, we got an apartment, but if you really want to do this, have a chance of having a normal life, you gotta find a reliable way to deal with your transformation. So, Step Two, your own personal...," Aidan explains, and Josh completes in a mute voice, "Cage..."

Aidan grimaces to himself. Maybe the idea was not that great after all, even if the functional aspect surely has its benefits, but the way Josh puts it, it sounds as though Aidan really wants to imprison him for, well, his nature. And that couldn't be further from the truth. The only reason that Aidan ever wasted a thought on this was because Josh complained about being in the woods, digesting deer and bringing it back up along with a pair of pants, and the ever-present fear of coming too close to humans and curse them, too.

"It works though, doesn't it? You could use it for the next full moon," Aidan says nevertheless, hoping that Josh sees the upside of the plan.

"Does it lock?" the younger man questions, looking around. Aidan breaks off the handle and locks the door.

"Try it," he says from the other side of the door. Josh does and in fact it stays shut.

"I can let you out in the mornings," Aidan tells him as he opens the door again. Josh exits the room with mixed feelings. He is glad for the idea, but something just tells him that this may not be the best idea after all...

* * *

Josh hastily makes his way to the house, and yes, he refers to it as "the house" until decided otherwise, because it feels less like home ever since... ever since, yes, that ghost showed up in their lives. After all, Aidan even says that it's technically her home.

Maybe Josh should just move out after all.

He might even have to, after what or rather whom he saw during the shift, but at this moment, he can't really decide on anything leading further into the future than a second, because Josh just feels like crying, drinking himself to oblivion, and hopefully falling asleep to forget about all of it by the next sunrise.

"You're home!" Sally exclaims as the brunet werewolf makes his way inside, though he seems to pretty much ignore her, only muttering, "Yep," as he goes.

Sally understands that maybe they didn't have the greatest start, _okay_, it was the worst start actually, for Josh seemingly. And _okay,_ she may have been a _little_ rude... especially the masturbating to _Nova_ may not have been her brightest moment. Sally gets it. To suddenly have a ghost haunting your house is not exactly what she would picture for her life either, but... but this is her first shot at having interaction with other people again, of getting out of this treadmill, out of this stage of in-between. Even Josh should be able to see that and... well, take some pity? Show some empathy? Is that really asked too much?!

"So, I've been thinking about what you said, you know, and...I think I should try to move on," she hums.

"Great," Josh says curtly. Just why can't she stop talking?! Josh just wants to be alone, alone after... God, no. He just wants to crawl up in his bed, shut his eyes, shut his ears, kill all sound, all the voices in his head.

And suddenly jumping off some bridge seems so tempting again.

"So, I just need you to call Danny, tell him to come over, fix the pipes, and, uh, I'll take it from there," she bargains. _Josh is about to leave, but Sally means to block him, "_Josh, if you could call Danny..."

The werewolf proceeds into the kitchen, grabbing a beer from the fridge.

"Can it wait?" he asks, trying to keep up a strong voice, though it comes out more croaked than he would like it to.

"It'll take two seconds," Sally bargains. So fine, Josh obviously doesn't really like her yet, but a phone call should me manageable, right? It's not like she is asking him for a séance or so, it's just a phone call. Just a phone call, something that other people, people with a body, do unnecessarily too often anyways.

"I just want to be alone. And see, this is the problem. You're always here, so I can never be alone," Josh tells her. He would feel a lot more empathy for her if not for this overall messy situation, he knows, but right now... he can't focus on her. Josh can't focus on anything. His head hurts so hard that he can feel this throbbing behind his eyeballs, like small hammers relentlessly beating against his eyes, forcing tears out that he tries to keep down.

"Where am I supposed to go?" Sally argues. She told him, right?! She can't go away, no matter how hard she tries. Sally is bound to this house, is woven into its walls, floors, its furniture.

Sadly, this house is her and she is this house.

"I don't know. _Beyond_? I, I, I don't," Josh stammers. Just away, just... so that he can be alone. There is only so much Josh can take, only so many problems he can deal with... and he is just past his own limits, by far. He can't deal with Aidan's and Sally's problems on tops.

"Yes, please. Like I'd rather be shacking up with a vampire," Sally breaks out angrily, before nodding at Josh's beer bottle. "And, oh yeah, a day drinker. Josh, I was gonna get my Master's, and now I have nothing to read but stupid blogs over your shoulder. I've tried to leave. I don't know how."

Does he seriously think that she _wants_ this? That she does this on purpose? Sally would love to have Danny as her savior, to have him see her, feel her, and not those two other monsters. Because the relief the young woman felt when those two first saw her is now washed away further and further the more she gets into touch with them. Sally honestly thought that they, that this werewolf, would be more willing to help, would understand, but it's seemingly the case that everyone is just too selfish to mind other people and their pains.

Maybe they are not her saviors after all.

"Then figure it out, Sally. Figure it out, okay? Because I," Josh brings out, but then stops himself before sharing yet another secret he is not yet ready for to share, especially not with the house ghost. "My life sucks enough without having to live in your purgatory."

He knows it's mean, he knows that this hurts, sizzles, but... but he can't help himself. Josh is suffocating and this ghost just keeps poking in his side. Josh is just tying to somehow come back to the surface, so he can't really care if he doesn't smack some people across the face as he paddles back up... unless he allows himself to sink and drown.

"You're right. I have stuff to work out," Sally exhales.

"Poof," Josh snorts.

"You don't know how lucky you are!" Sally cries out angrily.

Josh lets out a bitter chuckle, "Lucky. Right, yeah."

He – lucky. _Right._ Josh and lucky don't go in the same sentence unless lucky is negated. Because only Josh is so lucky to be turned into a werewolf, losing everything he had, everything he worked for, all the people important in his life, ends up with a vampire in a shabby haunted house where a ghost is bugging him out of his mind when he has much more urgent business, greater problems, problems within the problems.

Only he has his little sister walking around the hospital – after he left her in good faith to never see her again. Josh has his past crushing over his present. he is back to his own personal nightmare. Just so lucky is Josh. So _no,_ he doesn't care about Sally missing Danny or making phone calls in her name so that she can have her sweet escape.

"Whatever's going on with you, at least you have the chance to fix it. It's a bad bump on the otherwise ongoing road of your life. I can't do anything. I can't change anything. I can't even drink a beer to make myself feel better. So just go on your pansy-ass mopey kick, but at least have the decency to appreciate that you haven't dropped off a cliff to nowhere," she yells angrily before she dissolves.

"How did you manage to make this about you?" Josh mutters to himself, blinking.

* * *

Meanwhile, Aidan is still in the hospital. After he heard from Cara that the police is around asking questions about Rebecca, the vampire decided to quickly make his way into the cafeteria to get over with the "interrogation", which is actually pretty much a farce when there is one human sitting next to a vampire, _the_ vampire. Because he just has to mumble some sweet things so the other man lets it go. Even though Aidan hates manipulation, it has its advantages that their species has the power to compel people – and the other vampire is probably the best at it, which is why Officer Tim soon "decided" to go to the car, firm in the belief that Aidan can't possibly have anything to do with Rebecca's disappearance, which now leaves Aidan with... Bishop.

Because that is _just_ what he needed, even though the younger vampire didn't have illusions about this – he knew this would come eventually, so better get over with it now, right? Aidan simply hopes he can wrap this up quickly, and preferably without Josh's notice. If he wants to have a shot at normal, it is with this werewolf, and there is enough other trouble than the mistake Aidan made with Rebecca.

"Good to see you back, Aidan," Bishop smirks at him as Officer Tim finally heads his ways.

"I'm not back, Bishop," Aidan warns him. No, never again, at least not if he can help it somehow. He now has the prospect of a life that's worth being lived. And that life explicitly excludes the older vampire in all ways possible. And even if Aidan knows that it won't be forever, he shall be damned if he doesn't try anything to have this life, for how many years that is now.

"Really? Coz Marcus said that girl was so torn up, you could read the VIN number off her ribs," Bishop argues.

"Marcus is an ass," Aidan snorts.

"Maybe," the older vampire shrugs, but then puts on this unsettling smile again. "God, Aidan! It's been months."

"I've been busy," Aidan shrugs. Busy getting away from him, busy living, busy... _trying_ to be human, at least.

"I can see that. You look horrible," Bishop nods, now glancing at him with empathy.

"Thank you," Aidan huffs. "Look, I would take it as a personal favor if you would make this thing disappear. Please."

And how much he hates himself for this. Even now that he got away from the coven, away from the den, this man, this godforsaken vampire, manages to pull him back, little by little, again and again. Whenever Aidan makes one wrong move, one bad call, one wrong step, Bishop is already waiting in the shadows to take up on that cue – and do anything to make Aidan stumble and fall, just to pick him back up. That is just the sick game they have played over the last decades. Bishop wants to own Aidan, wants to own his life, his mind.

And sadly, for as long as Aidan makes wrong steps, turns the wrong direction once upon a time, he gives Bishop any chance to start the old game anew. The only way to get rid of Bishop is to either kill him, or to break the habit of... being a monster. That is the only possible way to manage this.

If only either option were that easy...

"I will. Well, I would, but it's not as easy as all that this time. See, coz everybody seems to know that Rebecca had a thing for Aidan, so it's Rebecca and Aidan, Aidan and Rebecca," Bishop assures him. "We'll get through it. We always do. Always will."

Aidan closes his eyes for a moment. He hears this song too often, this siren's song. Because that is what means his downfall each time. Fine, so he isn't alone, because there are other vampires, there is an entire network behind Bishop and therefore behind him, too. And actually, the problem is that this makes it possible that they get through with it – they get through with killing people and covering up the evidence. If you know that you can easily remove the evidence, then where is the point in trying not to do it, right?

So yes, if Aidan ever wants to come clean, he has to neglect them, step out of that comfort zone, he knows it, just that... Just that this is still, in that sick twisted sense, his family. They are the people he calls up if he messes up, because they can deal with it. Because no matter how ashamed Aidan feels for doing the inhuman, for killing, for calling up Marcus or Bishop to clean up his mess, Aidan doesn't want to pay that kind of price, doesn't want to go to prison. He repents in his own way, by helping the sick, but that's just it.

He can't be honest, or Aidan loses that bit of life he has, too.

"I'm not back, Bishop. What happened with Rebecca was a mistake," Aidan warns the older vampire, because he really has no intention to go back. He wants to break away, finally.

Because he now has the prospect of... A new family. One that keeps him human, not a monster.

"Right, happens to all of us. Somewhere between the Tiramisu and the naughty bits, we lose our heads," Bishop smirks. "It wasn't a mistake, Aidan. You're a shark. Be a shark."

"Not anymore," Aidan shakes his head. He once believed in those words, made them his own slogan. He was a shark, a predator. Bishop seemingly doesn't even realize how well that actually fits: sharks are not only dangerous predators who have strong reactions to blood and sharp teeth, but it is that danger of lashing out, of losing it, that makes them so hated in the eyes of most people, and therefore deems them as monsters, even if they may not all be bad on the inside. Because it is... instinct. Nevertheless, Aidan doesn't want this anymore. Because it was a mistake, it is a mistake. And he is done being the shark that either gets ignored or is hated by the world he wants to be part of.

"Alright, Marcus mentioned your little blood-bank diet. How's that going?" Bishop smirks, to which Aidan gets up from his seat – he knows damn well what this is about, and Aidan is honestly fed up with it, but that is when Bishop reveals his other face, the truer face, the one behind the nice smile and words of care, "S_it down! And how many years you played at my feet, and now I don't even get basic common courtesy? Huh?"_

_Aidan slumps back down in his seat. That is an instinct too deeply embedded into his body and mind. When Bishop orders him to do something using that tone, he means it, ____means__ it. Aidan searches the older man's eyes, just to find that fake concern again, "I'm worried about you."_

"I'm fine," Aidan snorts.

"Well, you don't look fine," the older vampire argues.

"What do you want from me, Bishop? You want help with your little recruiting plan?" Aidan huffs, changing the topic abruptly.

"Who said anything about recruiting?" Bishop asks innocently, to which Aidan only lets out another huff, "Marcus told me everything."

"Forget about Marcus. What I care about is you," Bishop assures him.

"No, what you care about is control," Aidan corrects him. Because he knows that behind all those assurances of care and love, Bishop is just another bloody bastard who needs others to set his own character, to actually exist. If he didn't have control over others, he would have no control at all, over himself, over his urges. Because he is just a monster also.

"The changes that I've made, the life that I'm trying to live, oh, you can't stand that, can you?" Aidan smirks at him viciously.

"Okay. Would you put yourself in my shoes for a second? You don't call. You don't write. You move in with a werewolf," Bishop argues. Aidan can't keep the surprise out of his face and voice, "How did you know that?"

He didn't tell anyone of the community that he moved in with Josh, he actually didn't talk to anyone, safe for the phone call to have his mess cleaned up, and that brief conversation with Marcus little while ago in the hospital.

"I think you have no idea what you're up to. I think you're lost. I think if you're not careful, you may never find your way back again. And that, Aidan, that worries me," Bishop tells him. Aidan shakes his head to keep the sirens out of his head, so he asks in a low voice, "Is that all?"

He won't discuss that with Bishop, he won't call this new life into question, he won't allow Bishop to dissect it, and far more importantly: to dissect his friend in such a way.

"Would you believe that making you angrier was not the point of all this?" the older vampire asks, to which Aidan replies with a snort, "Bishop, you can forget about it."

He closed that chapter. He started a new one, with Josh.

"Huh, Aidan! It's cold out there without us, isn't it?" Bishop smirks as Aidan gets up to leave.

And the younger vampire tries hard not to nod because no matter how much comfort he finds at home... he fears that the security net Bishop offers him will disappear, and that despite the fact that it means to consume him whenever he falls on it.

* * *

Back at the hospital, Josh tries to distract himself with work. Because no matter how much he wanted to just stay in bed or jump off some bridge, he rather puts his frustration, anger and fear to better use. Work. That usually helps. At least all the running up and down the corridors makes the throbbing stabs in his chest obscured by the stitches the hustling gives him. In his frenzy, he doesn't even pay attention to whatever room he enters to work in, until he opens this one door he should have jumped away from. Because Josh just walked in on his sister kissing a girl, no a patient... and so Emily turns around before Josh can mysteriously dissolve into thin air... just how much he envies Sally at this moment.

"Sorry!" he cries out, not knowing what else to say or do. He means to turn away quickly. Maybe she didn't recognize him yet, _right?!_ However, that tiny bit of hope is crushed once she turns to him with huge eyes, "Josh?!"

He really should have stayed home...

And so the two siblings soon find themselves sitting on a bench in the hospital's park, nervously shuffling with their feet, fidgeting for words, for an intro, for something right to say, when in fact there is nothing right to say about it. It shouldn't happen. It shouldn't be that way.

And still it is.

"Where did you go?" Emily asks, taking the initiative.

"You found me. Here we are," Josh shrugs, trying hard not to make his voice quiver.

"I wasn't looking for you. Jackie broke her arm 'shrooming'," the young woman explains.

"Jackie, she's... That's your, uh...," Josh grimaces, so Emily scaffolds, "My girlfriend?"

"Right," Josh nods.

"Yeah," the younger sister confirms.

"And her arm's okay?" Josh asks hesitantly.

"I missed you," she says instead, her voice soft, just as soft as Josh remembers it to be.

"I miss you too," Josh replies, trying hard not just hold her close and never let go again. Because leaving his beloved baby sister was about the worst thing about taking off altogether. Of course he loves and misses his entire family and friends, but Josh and Emily always shared a special kind of relationship, one that he always prided himself with. And she was one of the greatest temptations for him to seek to go back. Josh can't remember how many times he stood in telephone booths or dialed her number on either his house phone or his cell, but once he heard the dialing tone, hung up again. He wanted to say so many things, but couldn't.

"So... ?" Emily grimace, hoping that this will somehow bring her older brother to talk to her, but no such luck, of course. She knows him for just that.

"So... how is everybody?" Josh asks, to which Emily retorts angrily, "_Everybody_? You mean your family? We've been freaking out for the past two years, wondering if you were dead or alive. Whatever is happening, how can you not say anything to the people who love you?"

"Why would you...," Josh means to say, but then gathers himself again, keep them away to keep them safe, wasn't it? "I told you not to worry about me."

"Oh right, your _note._ Josh, did you ever think that the one thing not to say to Jewish parents is 'don't worry'?" Emily hollers angrily. He can't be serious, can he? Josh flashes an uncertain smile, but Emily remains unimpressed, "Please. Please, just tell me what's going on with you."

"You wouldn't understand," Josh sighs. He would love to tell her, because she probably believes that he left because he doesn't care about them anymore, which couldn't be further from the truth, of course. He had to leave _because_ he cares. No matter how sick that is in itself.

"Try," she challenges him, but Josh just shakes his head, "You wouldn't. It's complicated."

It's actually quite simple. And therein lies the problem: it's so simple, so basic, so elemental that it hurts even worse. It's not complicated in the sense of "complicated" the way most people understand it. It's not about family feuds, that someone once said the wrong thing at a party. It's not about secret affairs, having a secret bank account, losing one's job. It's not about some illegitimate child, it's about that simple and plain fear that if Josh stuck around, he would have ended up killing his family, his beloved baby sister. That is not complicated. It's simple, just that saying it and explaining it is complicated. Because how do you tell your little sister, that sweetest thing on earth, whom you walked to school, played chaperone for, did tea parties with, that you are a monster, a real one? That you kill, that you are drenched in blood, that you are... no longer human?

"Josh, I'm your sister. I'm genetically inclined to love you unconditionally. But I thought we were also friends," Emily argues, her voice teary. Josh bites his lower lip to the point that he can taste copper. They were best friends, for siblings. Fine, they always buttheaded, but they loved each other, _love_ each other. And to see her hurt makes Josh want to rip out his own heart. It is as she says, they are genetically inclined to love each other unconditionally.

Just that there actually seems to be one condition: Fine, you can love, against all odds, you can love a monster, but that doesn't mean you _should._ That doesn't mean you must. Emily mustn't love him unconditionally. She mustn't love him, so that she stays away from him. And if that means he has to neglect her... then this is seemingly the price. Because Josh just can't afford to physically lose her to his darkness. Emily is his baby sister. She has a bright life ahead of her. He will not make her a victim of his dark decal-life.

"I'm happy to see you. Believe it or not, I've really... really missed you. But I kind of need you not to tell anyone that you saw me here," Josh tells her, his skin throbbing painfully. It's so much more difficult than the note – because he didn't have to look into those beautiful deep eyes, those eyes obscured by tears, by anger, and sadness.

"What would I tell them anyway? This has been the least satisfying reunion ever," Emily cries out angrily. Josh gets up, "I love you. Okay, Em? Just... I don't know. Just try to remember that."

He loves her so much that he has to hurt her. For as long as he hurts her, the wolf can't. And that even though Josh promised to himself ever since the day Emily was born that he would never mean her harm, but protect her from it. It's just so damn unfair, just unfair. Josh walks away, rubbing his eyes against the prickles of tears.

He doesn't want to hurt her anymore. Is that really asked too much?!

Emily simply remains seated on the bench, wide-eyed.

That is not how she imagined their reunion.

* * *

After work, Aidan makes his way back home. He didn't get to talk to Josh the entire day. He didn't even turn up for lunch.

Maybe Josh knows about something about what really went on with him and Rebecca?

At some point, Aidan still negotiates with himself if he shouldn't come clean to his roommate about what happened. He made a phone call to her mother today, to make her stop searching for her daughter, putting up posters in the hope that those sheets of paper will just miraculously bring her back, just that Aidan knows that she won't.

Because she is dead – because of him.

Aidan knows that he can't keep it from Josh for forever. Josh knows that she is missing, and he asked about her on occasion also, though Aidan usually managed to maneuver out of the conversation by turning to another topic. Actually, that Sally turned up worked in Aidan's favor at some point – because it surely kept Josh distracted. However, Aidan starts to realize that he is only repeating patterns by not telling the truth. Isn't that what he tries to get away from, too?

However, Aidan is pulled out of his musing by the siren's voice, as suddenly Bishop appears. "You need to see something."

What?" Aidan asks with a grimace.

"You're a lot sloppier than you used to be Aidan. The girl, they know it was you," Bishop tells him. Aidan stares, but then decides to get into the man's car. Then coming clean to Josh will have to wait until later, well, damn. Yet, much to Aidan's surprise and shock, he soon finds himself entering the blood den, that one place he wanted to stay away from.

"What are we doing here? You told me this was about Rebecca," Aidan demands.

"I took care of that. It's fine," Bishop assures him with a vicious smirk tugging at his lips.

"I can't be here," Aidan grunts. No, he can already smell it, the blood that is actually pumping in veins, is warm, is fresh, and not just this unmoving, cold, bitter-tasting stuff from the blood bags...

Just a bloody addict after all, aren't we, Mr. Waite?

"It breaks me up to see you this way, Aidan. You can understand that, right? I gave you eternal life. I want you to live it," Bishop tells him, but Aidan corrects him, "No, you want me to fall in line."

"I'm not gonna lie to you. I never have. Things are about to change. But that's neither here nor there. What's important is this: Life doesn't have to be so hard. Not for us. Come with me, Aidan," Bishop coos.

And Aidan follows him, no longer feeling his feet touching the ground until he is inside, overwhelmed by the smell of fresh blood so that he gets goosebumps allover.

"Welcome back, Mr. Aidan," the vampire-butler greets him.

He stumbled, he fell... and now Bishop picks him up to bring him here.

It's always the same game, isn't it?

And so Aidan shrugs out of his jacket, the pumping veins singing him a soothing lullaby as he enters one of the small pavilions, offering little privacy for the beautiful "bloodwhore", someone who deliberately offers blood to vampires for the rush, and him as she cuts her wrist open, and therefore cutting Aidan open also. He only sees the blood. His eyes turn black and he gives in to his urges, falling off the wagon once again. Bishop watches bemused. The sirens do their job outright.

* * *

At the same time, Josh is facing another demon, however with the same intention, of seeing him fall. Upon Aidan's suggestion, he went downstairs to his own "Cage" to safely get over with the damned transformation. Unbeknown to him, however, Emily followed her older brother downstairs. Josh is about to strip out of his clothes when he catches sight of her, "What are you doing here?"

"What are you doing here?" Emily asks with a grimace. Maybe her brother is into some really kinky stuff after all?! Hanging out in basements, undressing...

"You have to leave! You have to leave!" Josh urges her. Oh God, no, that can't be happening! He sent her away so that this doesn't happen. He allowed her to hate him so that this doesn't come about. God, no, please. Please, just please. _Please!_

"Two years of nothing, and you can't even talk to me? No way! No!" the younger woman curses.

"No, no, no! Look, look, I'll, uh... I'll come see you. I'll come see you. I promise. I just need to be... I need to be alone right now," Josh stammers. He can feel it. His body itches, burns. He is close to turning. And Emily is still not out of here!

"I know why you ran away, Josh, okay? You think I'm an idiot? Everything was ahead of you, cookie-cutter perfect, just like Mom and Dad. You panicked. I get it. You're not nearly as mysterious as you think you are," she huffs. People get cold feet all the time, even though her brother took it to a new level by staying away for so long.

"All right, I hear you. I really do," Josh mutters closing his eyes. Even though he doesn't. He can hear the howls inside his head, the howls that haunt him ever since he turned.

_Please, just please_!

"Why punish me? You were my best friend. Why shut me out?" Emily demands.

"Look, Emily, I told you it's comp- It's complicated and," Josh grunts as the pain consumes him, as his body starts to shatter into pieces, along with his soul.

"Are you sick?" she asks worriedly. He seems in pain.

"I'm sorry. Just go," Josh demands, holding his midsection. Why can't she just leave?! Why can't God just make her leave?! Josh doesn't care if he gets mercy, but at least show mercy for her, please!

"What are you doing?" she shrieks.

"You have to go!" Josh growls.

"Josh!" Emily curses, shutting the door.

No way he escapes from her right now.

"Oh no!" Josh cries out.

No way she escapes from him right now.

Josh nervously fumbles for his phone, almost dropping it to the ground as the convulsions shake him. That is his last resort. His last straw. He hears the dialing tone, waits, waits... just where is he?! Aidan should be home by now. He should be home, picking up the damn phone, and even if not, he should answer his goddamn cellphone!

"Come on, Aidan. Please! Please. Ah!"

Why doesn't the man answer his phone, for goodness sake!? Emily's life is at stake! Maybe it was just wishful thinking after all, that someone would come help him when it really counted. He leaves a voicemail nevertheless, before he lets out another grunt as he dials in the next number. If not for the pain shaking him, he would probably see the irony at whom he is calling, after all he said and didn't do.

"Let me help you!" Emily says, trying to get to him, but Josh steps away from her.

"Stay away from me!" he cries out. "You stay away from me."

_Finally, he hears the cracking sound on the other end of the line, "_Sally. _Sally._ _Are you home? Can you hear me?_ _Please, listen to me._ _If there's any chance,_ _any way you can leave the house,_ _any way you can find Aidan or find me,_ _tell-tell him I'm in the roo- the room_ _and my sister's here._ And the door's locked. _He'll-he'll know what that means._ _Please._ _Listen, if..._ Please, if you don't come, _if someone doesn't open that door..._ I will kill her. Sally, please."

If she manages to contact Aidan, Josh will take it all back, call Danny, play Ghost-chaperone, _anything._ However, before he can go on with his pleading, his transformation gets him back, and he is bound to scream atop of his lungs, Emily calling out to him as he writhes in pain and sheer terror.

* * *

On the other end of the line, in the house, stands Sally, her eyes wide. She should have listened to Josh – because that was the trouble that had him so upset that he drank in bright day. That his sister came back. Oh, for goodness sake! And she could have told Aidan when he was home before, because if Aidan knew, he surely would have answered the phone by now. Whatever anger she may have felt for the werewolf, it now morphs into resolution.

Maybe she was blind also, by not seeing the others' pains.

Sally steps over to the door. She has to help, somehow.

Even if they are not the saviors she had pictured... they are her... roommates, right?

Sally concentrates as hard as she can, trying to push down the doorknob, open that door, and get help, but once her hand makes contact with the metal object, her fingers just brush through it.

And not once did she feel as caged as she does at this moment. Because now... _life_ is actually at stake, not hers, but that of another person, of someone who is important to Josh, who is important to her, no way to deny it.

Just where is Aidan?!

* * *

Back at the basement, Josh is on the verge of transformation. He rolled on his side in the hope that if he lies still and concentrates, it will somehow keep the transformation from happening. Emily tries to touch him, to offer reassurance, but Josh can do nothing but shove her away. He hates to hurt her, to cause bruises, pain, but it's better than claw marks. Anything is better than claw marks.

"Josh ? You're scaring me," Emily whimpers. Just what his happening here?!

"Just stay away from me!" Josh goes on in his mantra. _Stay away from me. I'm a monster. Stay away, stay safe. Please. Please. Please!_

"Do you want me to... Can I get you help?" she asks.

"Stay away from me!" Josh yells, growling, covering his already canine hands, trying to hold the claws from extending, trying to contain the beast.

_Please, wolf, I know that we are on no good terms, but don't rip apart my sister. Tear me to shreds, but not her. Please, please, please, not her. _

_Aidan, where are you!?_

* * *

Aidan falls back on the comfy bed, a wicked smirk tugging at his lips as the blood rushes his system, bringing him back to life, or death, actually, but he doesn't care. Aidan hears nothing, sees nothing, only tastes, smells. He can finally breathe again. The vampire smirks to himself, but then something faint, something so small, actually, starts to fight its way through the red haze inside his head. A sound. His cellphone. His cellphone beeps. Just for how long? Aidan blinks...

_Right_...

There was _something_...

There was this outside world, the one outside the blood, the red... _wasn't it_?

Brown orbs. Red envelopes. Windows at sunrise. Floral patterned dresses. Printouts in lockers. Boxes. A loose floor board. Spatulas. The hospital. A shabby haunted house with the invisible label of "home".

Friends, trying to be... _what was it_?

_Human._ Yeah, right...

Josh. Sally. His dream.

And at that thought, Aidan instantly sobers, the onyx, his inner demon, going back into the box. He leaves that small tent, those silky sheets trying to imitate the silk he saw in those windows back in Josh's old apartment, faking hope. Aidan puts his things back on and doesn't even care how disappointed Bishop looks behind the mask of self-consciousness. Aidan sees him saying something, but doesn't hear it.

So Aidan stumbled, so Aidan fell, and Bishop picked him up to here to make him fall again, but Aidan, for the first time, has something to return to, something worth to struggle back to his feet on his own. And so he picks himself back up this time and exits, goes away, without looking back. He will fix this, he will work on this – because with his new life, Aidan thinks he can.

Once he made his way outside, feeling the piercing cold of the night cling on to his skin, washing off the last bit of blood's heat, takes out his cellphone, the little anchor to bring him back to reality. However, he is shocked at what he hears, "_Aidan, I'm in the room. It's locked, and Emily's here. If you get this, please__..."_

_Aidan stares, but then simply runs ahead the fastest he can. He can't lose his anchor to his cravings. He can't allow that Josh loses Emily to his cravings._

_He just can't afford to lose Josh. _

_Aidan rushes downstairs to come to the "Cage" he prepared for his friend – and regrets that he ever brought this up. He makes it to the door and opens, only to see Josh cowering on the ground, writhing in pain, and Emily only inches from him, trying to touch him. Aidan doesn't waste just one more second and tears her away from her brother and brings her out of the room, in the same motion shutting that godforsaken door. He barely hears her cries and pleas as she slides down the other wall. Instead, he looks inside, where Josh is now crouching, on the verge of becoming a beast. Their eyes meet. Brown clashes with black, the words left unspoken. _

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.

You came.

I should've come sooner.

In time.

Almost too late.

Aidan watches in sadness and terror as Josh's body is torn to pieces by that evil monster devouring him from the inside out, feeling the werewolf's pain tugging at his own skin.

Did they lose too much?

Is there a home to return to, or is everything over already?

Did they fall too hard?

Are they all just monsters with nothing left?


	5. Alone

Author's Note: Hello everyone, welcome back to my world of madness! Thanks for sticking around^^

As for this chapter, I incorporated actual lines again, but I also added some things, because I felt like digging into it a bit more. Especially the argument between Aidan and Josh is something I really wanted to elaborate on a little more, instead of just cutting to the next scene.

I want to underline one more time that I do not intend to rewrite all episodes, but I felt like the first two were especially important to get the chemistry set. I'll soon move on to my real slash-and-thus-AU-part of the story.

As always, reviews are welcome and very much appreciated.

Read, review, and hopefully enjoy ;)

* * *

After he rescued the young woman from being killed by her own brother, Aidan took Emily to the hospital's cafeteria. Both are nursing a cup of coffee. Emily is still pale and obviously in shock over what she just had to witness, but the vampire is honestly surprised how strong she is. Others would go on screaming, very likely, would ask more questions, but... she seems to be very much like her big brother after all. Surprisingly strong behind the doe eyes.

"... What do you mean, 'He has a condition'?" she asks, still trying to wrap her head around this. One moment she thought she finally got a chance to talk to Josh in private, make him listen to her, the next... Josh just cowers on the ground, writhes in pain and panic, screaming his lungs out... And now she sits here with his roommate, who just forcefully ripped her away from Josh and told her to leave Josh to himself.

"He's your brother. You should ask him yourself," Aidan grimaces, uncertain what to do or say. After the mess that he still finds himself partly responsible for, he doesn't know how far he should go with Emily without risking his friendship to Josh even more.

"My brother had a nervous breakdown and ran away from his family two years ago. He doesn't tell me _anything._ If he's in some kind of trouble...," Emily says, but Aidan interrupts her, "No, no, no. He's a good guy. He's a great roommate. He's dealing with some stuff, yeah, but... aren't we all?"

Some more than others, right?

"Does he... Does he have any friends?" she asks hesitantly. Aidan blinks at the sudden change of topic, but then gets a hold of himself and flashes a smirk.

"Josh? You kidding me? Yeah," Aidan assures her... even though he knows he makes it sound like Josh has a bunch of friends, even if in fact... the only person who is his friend... may someone he may no longer considers such, right?

"Coz he never really did," Emily goes on. He had some people he hung around with later in med school, but those were mostly Julia's friends. Josh got along with them, even partied with them, or went on camping trips, but Emily knows that her older brother never really had... anyone other than his family and Julia. He never had this special person to share all secrets with, even those that hurt, the person who picked him up after a night out gone wrong, saved him from an awkward situation, protected him against bullies. And that's why Emily still hopes that there is still a friend, _the_ friend, out there waiting for Josh, or rather... no, he shouldn't be waiting for Josh, because he can be really dense at times. He has to come to Josh.

… but who would that be?

"Oh, come on. okay, he's quirky," Aidan smirks. To say the _absolute_ least. Josh has many kinks, some weird, some upsetting, but most of them actually quite charming in their awkward way. Though Aidan is honestly curious in a while if Josh always had those antics or just developed them as a symptom of being a wolf now.

She chuckles, "You think?"

So from the sound of it, Josh was a bit of a weird little bird all along. And for some reason, Aidan finds it strangely reassuring. Because those quirks and kinks made Josh... well, Josh, at least in the vampire's opinion. So it's nice to know that he wasn't mistaken in his perception of Josh. So he wasn't completely consumed by the wolf.

"He talks about you, you know," Aidan says after a while. The young woman frowns at him incredulously, so he goes on, "Um, what he said... was that he always studied so hard learning medicine, how to save a life, but that you were the one who knew how to truly live."

"Did he say that?" she blinks at him. "I... I can't believe my sweet brother went mad. Our mother did, too, you know. Bet he didn't tell you that. Yeah, you wouldn't know it now. She's back on the tennis court-book club-circuit. The incident has been neatly filed away. Just our little family curse."

Aidan tries hard not to actually gape at her. No, Josh had told him many things, but that is something his roommate surely kept from him. When he spoke about his family, Josh only talked about how much it pained him to leave them behind and how great they were, just like you don't say anything bad about... the dead. Perhaps Josh just tried to hold up that picture of a perfect family inside his head?

"I think we're all a little cursed that way," Aidan smirks at her awkwardly. Yeah, they all have a curse, a curse that forces them to tell lies, neglect the people they love, run away, stumble, fall.

"Please. You're hot!" Emily snorts, and that gets Aidan honestly embarrassed, so he quickly changes the topic, "What can I do for you? Can I call somebody?"

"Jackie's waiting for me upstairs," she tells him, but then her features sag. "God, what if he never even gets to meet Jackie? I really wanted to rub it in his face that I ended up with a shiksa goddess."

She gets up and leaves Aidan to his own thoughts. This conversation only made him realize once again that he is not the only one who lost, had to leave things behind.

Aidan is pulled out of his musing, however, once he realizes it's morning again. The vampire sucks in a deep breath before he makes his way back downstairs to where he left Josh to get Emily away from him, and seeing him turn into a werewolf. He cautiously opens the metal door, just to find his friend fully dressed, lying on the ground, staring at the ceiling. At the sound of the door, he doesn't even stir, however. Aidan approaches Josh slowly, not sure how he will react. The vampire expects anything from trying to kill him to simply breaking out sobbing.

Aidan steps up to Josh's head so that he can get into eye contact with his roommate. Once the vampire comes into his sight, Josh's eyes readjust, tear away from the ceiling, to look at him.

"Hey," Aidan croaks. He honestly thought he would come up with something better for an intro, but to see the hurt in Josh's eyes makes him forget almost everything.

"Hey," the werewolf replies, his voice raw from all the screaming. "... where... where's Emily?"

"She said she wants to go back to see Jackie," Aidan tells him. "You didn't injure her."

Josh closes his eyes for a moment as he nods his head slowly. He didn't injure her, maybe, but he hurt her. And that is the one thing he wanted to prevent by running away, cutting all ties.

He opens his eyes to look at Aidan again, "... thanks for... you know."

"I'm sorry that I only came so late," Aidan argues.

"You couldn't know, and it's not like you have to be on demand for for when my sister decides to follow me downstairs to see me when I...," he bites back a sob as the images flood back to him, this absolute terror that drowned him.

"I actually should be on demand, though," Aidan argues, his voice bitter. "After all, I was the one to ponder on how we're supposed to watch out for each other. So you get to be mad at me all you want. You even get a free punch, but just one."

"You're kidding me, right?" Josh huffs. "You saved my sister. It doesn't matter when you did or how you did. You just did. That's all that matters."

Aidan sighs as he sits down on the ground. He then lies down so that his face is on the same level as Josh's, but his feet are facing the opposite direction. He, too, glances at the ceiling.

"I just don't know what to do anymore," Josh admits after a while.

"Trust me, neither do I. So you're not the only one," Aidan exhales.

"I thought that if I stayed away from her, I'd protect her best, but... but I just can't protect anyone, as it seems," Josh mutters, now on the verge of tears again. It just brings back those childhood memories that he desperately tried to forget about.

Josh never was the muscle-type. He was a scrawny, nerdy teenager whose best friend was his baby sister. However, when someone bullied Emily, Josh went through the roof and got into a fight with whoever dared to make his little sister cry, and that even though he very often lost.

One time, a boy in their school who was in Josh's class dared to push her into the dumpsters. Emily had been a crying mess, over with dirt, awful cafeteria food, and a few bruises. Once Josh found Emily, he got the name out of her before running off to find that bastard as he bullied some of the nerds. Josh just randomly jumped the boy from behind, and that even though he was taller by a head at least, and probably twice as heavy as Josh by the time. The guy just tore him off and threw him over his shoulder on the ground, kicking him right in the face. Teachers were already blowing the whistles and yelling at them to stop the fight, but Josh still managed to kick the boy in the groin, leaving him a whimpering mess... and Josh himself a bleeding mess because the kick to the head he received got him by the mouth, so split lip, and bitten tongue. Josh, by no means, won this fight. His parents and the teachers gave him hell for it, because he started, but none of it mattered to Josh for as long as he spent his time grounded at home with his younger sister curled up against his side, holding out cooling bags to him to make up for the mess she got him into.

Even if Josh knew that he couldn't win, he still fought, for as long as it was about Emily. For her, he'd do anything, really. For her, he went as far as to leave her, as twisted and stupid as that may seem to anyone else who is not in his situation. However, this experience made him realize that he is still this nerdy, scrawny schoolboy who pathetically loses to the bully, the monster. And Josh can scratch and claw all he wants, he seemingly can't protect his baby sister from this particular bully because he... _is._.. that bully.

"You couldn't help it that she came down here," Aidan argues, his voice soft.

"Right, I couldn't help it. Because I didn't even pay attention," Josh snorts. "I mean, I always talk about how I ran away from home to protect her from me... just to have her chasing after me in the hospital and almost getting killed as a result. Seriously, this just affirmed me in my belief: I can't protect anyone, so I have to stay away from everyone."

He wipes a lone tear from the corner of his left eye hastily.

Aidan tries hard not to look at Josh at this moment, because then he would probably go ahead and tell the werewolf that he protects better than he thinks. It's because of Josh that Aidan pulled away from that woman back in the den, pulled away from the menacing silky tent, from Bishop. And even though Aidan sees that maybe he'll have to tell Josh eventually, he doesn't see any sense in causing the werewolf any more pain.

"You protect people in other ways," Aidan then says instead.

"In what way? If not for you, the wolf would have done a Little Red Riding Hood vs. the Big Bad Wolf on her," Josh snorts.

"Trust me, you have your ways," Aidan tells him as credibly as he can. Josh turns his head to look at him for a second, but then looks back at the ceiling. He can't see it, not even in the funny patterns the shadows paint in the fluorescent light and the rust of the metal.

"And anyways...," Aidan lightly coughs. "You don't have to protect everyone by yourself, you see?"

"What now?" Josh grimaces.

"You're no longer alone," Aidan tells him simply. At least he wants it to be that way. He doesn't want for Josh to be alone, just like he doesn't want to be alone. He wants to be there for Josh, just as he, unbeknown, served as his savior of humanity back in the blood den.

Josh swallows thickly, trying to hold back the next tears trying to escape his eyes. Right, he is no longer is alone. He was, back in his old apartment. And that scares him. Honestly scares him. Because now he is supposed to take care of people other than himself again, protect them. And Josh, if not only for what happened with Emily in that godforsaken basement, starts to realize that he doesn't really protect anyone, that no matter how much he cares and worries for his friends and family... he just always ends up failing, slips away.

Yet, here he lies on the ground, his new and probably only friend next to him, and Josh just wants to trust those hushed words of reassurance, that he doesn't have to be a monster, that he can protect people, in whatever way that is now that Aidan pictures. He just wants to get lost in that moment, in the graphical patterns of rust at the ceiling.

"I think I owe Sally a big apology," he says after a while, choosing not to comment on Aidan's last words. He doesn't know how to react to that. Being alone means that no harm is done, but being alone is so damn... lonely.

"Why?" Aidan grimaces. This time he turns his head to look at Josh, and the werewolf looks back, "I was awful to her, simple as that. You saw it, you told me so, yadda. It's just that I was so worried that I'd lose this new life, to her. And that's so damn stupid and mean."

"Why would you think that?" Aidan frowns. Josh only gives it a shrug of the shoulders, "When you said that it's technically her house, I just started to call this whole project into question. I mean, it is her house, but if it is hers, so I thought, it can't be ours, too. I just didn't want to lose that... home, all over again."

Aidan honestly never thought about it like that, but now that Josh admits it, his behavior from before the incident makes much more sense. This was supposed to be their sweet escape, their safe haven, and for Josh that seemed especially important, because in contrast to Aidan, he really didn't have a home ever since he ran away. Aidan had at least the other vampires. Josh was alone. And now that they started this project of living together, it doesn't seem farfetched that Josh invested even more than Aidan did. Because he struggled with his fear of being close to people by moving in with the vampire, allowing someone else to be part of his new life. And then all this is turned upside down by a few simple words.

"But it was stupid and I simply overreacted," Josh argues. "It's as you say, Sally needs someone, too. We're all stuck in the same damn boat that's short before sinking."

"Maybe we can bring the boat back to shore after all," Aidan shrugs, faking enthusiasm in the hope that this will somehow cheer Josh up again.

"Might be, I don't know...," Josh sighs, running a hand over his face. He then sits up, hugging his legs against the cold still creeping through him.

"Do you want to talk to her... Emily, I mean?" Aidan asks as he sits up cross-legged, but Josh just shakes his head, "I don't know what I would tell her anyways. I'm not all that good at lying to people. So lying to Emily is even worse. She can read me better than most people."

"You mean lying about your 'sickness'?" Aidan asks.

"I have to lie to her by leaving her in the belief that I don't want to have to do with her. I mean... back in the park, when I talked to her... I tell her the truth one moment by saying just how much I miss her, but in the next I have to tell her to leave me alone, let her believe that I don't care, that I don't want to have to do with her, which couldn't be further from the truth," Josh croaks, and Aidan understands. "I have to be this mean asshole who treats her like... I don't even know."

He rests his cheek on his knees, looking much younger than he actually is, so Aidan notes.

"I just wanna hold her tight... and then the next moment, I would want her to leave the country," Josh admits. "Is that so wrong?"

"No, it's not. I get it," Aidan tells him credibly. "But we can figure this out, I'm sure."

Well, he is not sure if they can, but he wants to try.

That's the whole point, right?

To try?

"For now... I just wanna fix what I can fix, and that's talking to Sally, apparently," Josh says and gets up in the same motion. He can't fix that mess, but another, right?

Aidan follows him.

Maybe they can fix it together after all.

* * *

The two make their way home, and yes, Josh wants to call it home for now. They enter, and Sally pops in right in front of them as they cross the threshold.

"You are back!" she yelps. You can see the worry still written all over her features. She thought that after this disaster, the two wouldn't even bother to come back, or well, maybe Aidan would, but not Josh. After all, she just stood by as...

"What is with your sister? Is she...," she asks hesitantly.

"Aidan made it in time, she's... well, you know, but she lives," Josh tells her.

"Oh, thank God," Sally sighs.

"But before we even get to it, I want to say something," Josh goes on, gaining some confidence.

"Okay," the ghost tilts her head to the side curiously.

"I wanted to apologize," Josh explains. Sally blinks at him.

_What_?!

"I wasn't very nice to you... I mean... I was a total jerk. You are right, and Aidan's also right. You are here, too. You got problems, like us, and by only minding my own business I ignored that I'm not the only one who may be in need of support. So I hope you forgive me," Josh goes on.

"What?! Of course I... I thought you'd be mad at me!" Sally argues.

"Why would I be mad at you?" Josh frowns. "I mean, except for peeping on us and all?"

"Well, I see now that when you came home and I just bugged you with my stuff, you had just seen your sister... so it really wasn't nice of me either to ignore that," Sally explains.

"I guess we all were a little selfish then, can't we agree on that?" Aidan jumps in.

"Forgive and forget?" Josh asks hopefully, to which Sally flashes the brightest of smiles, "Forgiven and forgotten."

A little promise made.

Aidan nods, heading into the kitchen, satisfied.

"So... How are you?" Sally questions. Now that they are, well, _friends_ of sorts again, she still doesn't know if Josh is alright after what he went through.

"Well, I didn't kill my sister...so I guess I can't complain," Josh jokes weakly.

"Josh, I'm really sorry. I tried. I just...couldn't," she brings out. She really wanted to, God, did she want to, but the walls held her in a damn death-grip.

"It's okay," he assures her.

"Really?" she blinks at him, so Josh goes on to explain, "Sure. I mean, I don't even know what I expected you to do."

He frowns when she smiles at him. "... What?"

"Figuring out an acceptable amount of time to pass before I tell you something," Sally shrugs. "Danny's coming over."

"What?" he grimaces. Just how much did he miss?

"And I'm really glad you didn't kill your sister," Sally says another time. Because she really is.

"What?" Josh frowns, but then hurries after the vampire into the kitchen_. "_Aidan? Aidan, why... why is Danny coming over?"

Aidan points at the sink, which is a bubbling mess, "Sally really, really wanted to see him."

And he wants to have clean water again.

"Sorry," Sally grimaces innocently as she comes into the kitchen, too.

"Okay, am I the only one who thinks that Danny coming over is a tremendously bad idea?" Josh sighs, before he turns to Sally. "What if he sees you?"

"I'll crap rainbows, I swear to God!" Sally cries out gleefully.

"She's a ghost. He ain't gonna see her," Aidan means to assure Josh, but then rethinks. "Well, wait, sometimes they do see them, normal people. But he would have to be, you know, open, mentally."

"Danny's pretty open. He voted for Hillary," Sally smirks.

"It's fine," Aidan assures the werewolf another time.

"Okay, look, if he sees you, if he senses you, do you have any idea what that would do to him? What it would do to us? He could sell the place! He could sell tickets like that guy who saw Jesus on the taco shell! Listen, if he comes, I think that Sally should stay upstairs," Josh argues. He wants to try to be friends with her, too. And that is why he actually fears for her – she shouldn't become some showpiece, right?

However, Sally doesn't seem to realize the implication and only gets angry, "And I think that you don't get a say."

Aidan looks up from his newspaper with a lecturing grimace, so Sally bargains. "Oh! _On_ the stairs. At least!"

Suddenly, there is a knock on the door. Sally makes a begging pose, and Josh's heart honestly melts at that. In that way, she is a lot like Emily.

_"_Top of the stairs. And no peeking!" he tells her. Sally obeys and the boys make their way to the door.

_"_Oh, just...don't be weird, okay?" Aidan tells Josh, who nods, "Yeah, I got it."

_Right_... as if.

"You too, Amityville. Top of the stairs," Aidan tells Sally another time. "Everyone just be... normal."

"Got it," Josh agrees.

Just that Josh doesn't get it, possibly ever. At some point, Aidan asks himself why he even asks Josh to act normal. He can ask him to act human, fine, but _normal_? Josh is just... quirky. And he just proves so in interaction with Danny – he is truly no good liar, talking about lava lamps and faking Irish accents.

However, what gets both men wondering is Danny's behavior. Especially once he starts to question about paranormal activity, if only indirectly.

Josh's curiosity wins by the end and he asks how Sally died, and Danny explains that she fell down the stairs. Aidan, to somehow turn the situation better again, goes ahead to ask about how Sally was like, in the hope that this will cheer her a little up after she had to find out the very hard way how she... disappeared out of the hands of the man she loves,

_"_Ha! Sally? She was amazing! She was... She lit up the place, you know, everywhere she went! She was the best thing that ever happened to me. But that's for VH1 _Behind the Music,_ right?" is Danny's description, and either man gets it that this is the truth. Even if Sally is now a ghost and can't touch things, she has a spark in her eyes that even the terrors of being dead seemingly can't douse.

* * *

After that strange kind of getting together, Aidan soon finds himself confronted with yet another Lilith, another temptation that may make him stumble and fall – Cara. He realized earlier on already that she had a crush on him, but after some nice chat, he finds himself really liking her, too. Or maybe he just wants to get a bit of comfort for himself. Because he still didn't come clean to Josh, or to Sally, to anyone, pretty much. And he doesn't know whom to turn to, if he can't go to Bishop either, which he really can't. And the next problem lies right in front of him also – he drank again, and that means he is now back to Stone One, back to cold turkey.

It had been a throbbing in the throat for a while, unpleasant, but not unbearable, but now Aidan's skin itches, burns. He feels just like what he is – a damn addict. And the problem is that in such situations he is just so weak that the temptation often gets the better of him.

And it does.

Plans of a date with Cara.

While he is trying to get back on the horse.

Just what the hell is he thinking?!

* * *

Outside the hospital, Josh is minding his own business, trying to make sense of life again, or not, maybe he is just walking around after all. However, he is pulled out of his musing when he catches sight of...

"Rebecca?!"

He thought she was missing, if not actually dead already. He heard on the news before that if someone disappears that abruptly, chances are not too good that they come back alive. He follows her to a more secluded place, but that is when she catches sight of him, turns around, snarling and, against all laws of physics, pushes him up against the wall, leaving bruises as she goes, her smile vicious and dark, "Did you just wet your pants? A little bit?"

"People are worried you're dead," he croaks.

"There's a search," she agrees, but then her face just falls back into darkness. "Not a very good one. I'm here, geniuses."

Josh can't help but tremble as his blood is running cold, "We should call someone."

"Sure, in a minute. We'll call everybody," she huffs, but then gets closer to him for a second before pulling away with a grunt, "Ah! I can't believe I didn't smell that stink a mile away! Are you a werewolf? Ah, gross! It's in my hair!"

Josh blinks at her. Werewolf? That means, "You're a vampire?"

"Oh, that's right. You live with Aidan. Twisted little halfway house you two are running," she snorts.

"Aidan...," Josh mutters. Aidan and Rebecca. So he didn't just hallucinate this, didn't just imagine. Aidan went on a date with her when he went out to turn in the woods. Aidan was with Rebecca, and the next day she was gone. Aidan was the last person who has seen her.

"Oh, there you go. The wheels click. You're a smart little doggie, aren't you? Yes, you are! Yes, you are!" she laughs out madly.

"Aidan did this," Josh says aghast, trying to force the words into his brain to make them reality. Even if he doesn't want to.

Aidan lied to him.

All this time.

"Ooh... You look so surprised," she snickers, but then warns him. "I'd watch myself if I were you."

With that she lets go and disappears out of sight. Josh slides down the wall, the scraping against his skin surprisingly soothing. However, he then pulls himself back up again as anger rises within him. He has to find a certain someone. Maybe he should take a stake along. Josh can spot Aidan in the locker rooms.

"Hey!" the werewolf growls as he approaches Aidan, who makes a face, "Hey. What's wrong?"

"You turned her into a vampire," Josh yells, his knuckles turning white.

"What?" Aidan blinks at the other man incredulously. Just what the hell is he talking about? Aidan didn't turn anyone. What the hell is wrong with him?!

"Don't do that! Don't pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about!" Josh curses.

"Josh...," Aidan grimaces, but that is when the name drops like a penny.

"Rebecca."

Aidan looks around to be sure that no one is listening, which only makes Josh's anger rise. Even now he is just trying to slip away. He can't be honest. He can't, even now. "Just... Rebecca's dead."

Aidan is surprised at the dry laugh Josh lets out as a reply.

"Oh..oh...Is that right? I thought she was _missing!"_ Josh snorts. Even now he is feeding him lies. How could he ever believe that...?

"She just jumped me outside!" Josh yells. Aidan blinks. What?! What?! _What?!_

"You had to turn Rebecca," he shakes his head, his voice quivering.

"Josh...," Aidan holds up his hands soothingly. He wants to explain, but Josh just breaks out again, "Stop lying, Aidan!"

"I swear I didn't know," Aidan argues. He really didn't. He didn't do that. He... he killed her. He didn't. Oh God.

Bishop, this bloody asshole.

"You didn't know _what?_ That you turned her into a monster or that she'd be such a good one?" Josh curses. "No, what's the point of any of this, of playing house, of... of drinking beers, of joining Costco if you're just gonna kill all our friends?"

"Josh, no!" Aidan argues vehemently. He can't be serious, right? Josh won't call this off, will he?

"I mean... that I didn't see it. I should've known the first day we ran into Cara that you... and I bother my head sore about how I mess up everything when in fact it's you who gave up already!" Josh cries out, his arms nervously moving all ways possible.

"I didn't give up! What are you saying?! Look, I relapsed. I ended up killing her. Or so I thought," Aidan means to explain, but Josh only lets out a strangled laughter, "Oh, _oops!_ My bad!"

"You can't even remotely imagine what it's like to be vampire," Aidan argues, now getting angry also. Of course Josh gets to be mad at him for not telling him, but he doesn't know what Aidan goes through to stay clean, to resist. That is a fight he doesn't know, so he shouldn't be pointing fingers!

"Right, I don't! I can't imagine what it's like! But it's not like you tell me what it's like above the level of trivial facts! You don't let me in! You don't let anyone in when it really counts, seemingly!" Josh retorts. No, Aidan doesn't get to be mad at him after what he has done!

"What?! Was I seriously supposed to pick you up from the woods, and then say that we gotta drive back to bury the body? You seriously, _seriously,_ would have been like 'Yeah, alright, Aidan, let's do that. I got a shovel in the trunk,'?!" Aidan snarls.

"_No,_ I wouldn't have been _glad_ to find out, but _yes,_ you should have told me when you picked me up from the woods instead of pretending for all this time that we're doing great, that no one fell off the wagon yet! You should have told me – but far more importantly, you should have let me help! But no, the mighty and the great Aidan Waite is only there to fix other people, or making it look like he knows what is the best thing to do! You don't let me help – and that means that I was really wrong!" Josh argues.

"What now?!" Aidan snorts defensively.

"I thought that I could trust you. I seemingly can't," Josh tells him.

Brown fights with black.

Lightning strikes, but isn't seen.

"Get off your high horse already! I told you that it's not easy for me. I have to fight that every damn second of the day, Josh, okay? Put yourself into my shoes for once!" Aidan narrows his eyes at him.

"I would do it if I could, Aidan!" Josh yells.

"Oh please!" Aidan rolls his eyes. "But now seriously! Since we're all up for blaming each other! You are the one to talk! You didn't check if someone was there before you turned, which is stupid enough! You were awful to Sally for no real reason! You didn't even want to help her until just now! And now you come me with that speech about how you wanna help everyone! All you do is moping!"

And no, he didn't mean it. He doesn't mean it – and honestly, he would rather take it back. It's just that Aidan can't stand it that Josh is accusing him for his nature, for his monster, when both actually agreed in the beginning that they never wanted to do that. Then he just fights back, no matter if he hurts, no matter if he is telling lies. Aidan is just done being the weak one, the one who breaks under the pressure.

"Fine, then maybe I mope, maybe I'm too self-centered when it comes to my own problems, but at least I don't lie to my friends the way you do!" Josh retorts.

"As if you told me everything!" Aidan argues.

"Apparently, I didn't lie about killing another person! Or turning her!" Josh snarls.

"I didn't turn her!" Aidan insists.

"I don't care! You lied to me! All this time! You lied to me, even though I trusted you not to!" Josh argues. He won't bow. Not this time. He was hurt often enough. Josh is just done playing world's punching bag when he actually isn't the one at fault, for once.

"Trust! _Please_! You say you don't trust yourself coz of the wolf! And now you judge me coz of the fang! That's having double standards!" Aidan retorts, even though he is absolutely not proud of what he then says, "You would have killed your sister, if not for me! So I'm not the only one who fell off the wagon in some way!"

Josh stares at him, eyes wide, mouth wide, breathing hard. Aidan's eyes widen also. He didn't just say that, did he?

"... I don't say I can't trust you coz you relapsed," Josh argues, his voice shaking with cold anger. Aidan is honestly surprised that Josh didn't just jump him for his awful comment.

"That's exactly what you're saying!" Aidan argues nevertheless. He moved into gear now, and he is too damn proud to give up now.

"No!" Josh curses. "I say I can't trust you coz trust is a two-side thing, Aidan! For that, both people have to work for it! But you don't trust me! You don't even trust me enough to tell me!"

"Because I didn't know how!" Aidan replies.

"Anyhow! But you could have said something, anything! But no, you said nothing! And that, Aidan, that's why I can't trust you!" Josh curses, gritting his teeth.

"What?" Aidan grimaces.

"So fine, you relapsed! I seemingly have to accept that you do! Because that is what you are, what I am, too! It's instinct, maybe! But you know what gets me angry?! It's that when it counts, once you're back to your senses, you do what any other damned vampire would do that you say you want to get away from! You cover up the evidence, pretend as though this never happened! Because that was not the vampire inside of you, not that monster. That was you! It was a decision, Aidan. It was your decision to cover it up... or... or... let someone else cover it up, isn't it?" Josh narrows his eyes at him. "... Who helped you?"

"I... called Marcus and... and he and Bishop helped fix it," Aidan admits.

"So, Marcus, the asshole who's beaten me to pulp... and the guy you said about that you just want to stay the hell away from?! Yeah, no, that's of course perfectly reassuring!" Josh growls, his voice shaking badly. "But that proves my point! When you get a chance to, you fall back into pattern! I'm not even talking about Rebecca, but that when you had the choice between... between standing up for what you did, come clean, do what's goddamn human, you calculate, and simply go with what's easiest. You stopped trying the moment you picked up the damned phone!"

"That's easy to say from your spot, Josh, but what else was I supposed to do? Let police get me, throw me into prison?!" Aidan argues.

"Maybe?!" Josh crosses his arms over his chest.

"So what? You want me to turn myself in?! Is that it?! And I thought you were on my side!" Aidan curses. How did they get here?! How did that happen?!

"How do I get to be by your side if you just sneak away?!" Josh retorts, his chest heaving. "How do I get to fight with you when you jump away first chance you get?! Because in contrast to you, I don't just have some fancy number to call to remove the body in case of 'emergency'!"

"Because your curse is another!" Aidan cries out. "You have no idea what I undergo to stay upright, okay?! You have this beast pulling you don't once a month! I have that all the time!"

Josh can't even remotely picture what that is like, really. So he has no ground to accuse him like that.

"You seriously want to take it there?!" Josh growls. Aidan narrows his eyes, bring it on.

"You are right, Aidan! Yes, you are! I have no idea what it's like for you! And maybe I'm too much of a coward to find out!" Josh grits his teeth. "But you know what? You have at least a chance to affect this in some way, if you have enough will, if you struggle hard enough, you can stay clean, you can... not be a monster. But I can try all I want, I can scream, I can meditate, my curse doesn't go away, no matter how much I may want this! You just saw it! I could do all I wanted, I couldn't stop the transformation to save Emily's life! I can't do anything once it starts! I turn into that anger monster without brains and there is nothing I can do about it!"

Aidan just stands there, perplex.

"So yeah, maybe I don't have the most awful curse of them all, maybe I don't match your curse, maybe I wouldn't make it through a single day as a vampire, but... but in contrast to you, I'm trying _even though_ I know that there is no way out for me, _even though_ I know there's nothing I can do," Josh says, now in a mute voice, which only amplifies the bitterness in his voice. "... and until now I actually believed that you were the same, but I was seemingly mistaken."

Aidan just stares at him.

Can they go back, please?

Rewind to when they moved in?

To the night they spent talking about God and the world back in Josh's apartment?

Anyone? Please!

"I never had many friends, you know... but then I met you and... I thought you are my friend, but... you know what? I rather have no friends at all and stay alone than... having a friend who doesn't really want me in his life," Josh whispers. "I think you were wrong about that one thing... I guess I'm alone after all."

Aidan stares as the werewolf leaves the locker room.

Did that just happen?

How did that happen?!

However, Aidan doesn't linger in the moment for long, but instead gets ready to leave, against the stabbing pains throughout his body.

He has some figuring out to do.

Everything else will have to wait until later.

And he seemingly has to do it alone, too.


	6. Islands

Author's Note: Thanks for sticking around^^

Okay, so here is the other part to the episode.

To the Sally-fans out there, I know that she doesn't get too much space here, but since it is a Josh/Aidan story, I have to leave some stuff out, or else this will be even longer than it is intended to anyways. I love her from the bottom of my heart, but I can't put all emphasis on her on tops.

Hope you'll like it.

Read, review, and hopefully enjoy ;)

* * *

After his argument with Josh, the vampire quickly leaves the hospital, marching down the streets, anger rising all the way from his stomach to his hairlines.

If Aidan already loses the life he wants to live, then he will at least demand some answers before.

So Aidan's first address is the funeral home... only to find his worst fears confirmed. Marcus and Bishop are obviously amused for playing him like that, easily admitting that they did not only turn Rebecca, but also did "well" at manipulating her. Aidan called for a cleanup, not for a screw-up. But that just shows that those men are by no means his friends. And the really asks himself how he ever believed that they were his family.

That he didn't see through this...

Aidan could still mentally slap himself for being that blind, that ignorant. And by the sounds of it, Bishop did a fine job transforming Rebecca even further, into the kind of vampire Bishop prides himself being one. So not only turned, but also turned around.

When they drop the news about where to find her, Aidan has his next address, though, the park. He doesn't even care for what Bishop or Marcus say as he goes. He just has to find her.

Aidan spots her on a bench, watching people, like a cheetah waiting for the antelope. The sight of her makes his knees go weak. The images of her lifeless body are still too fresh in mind, of her own blood she was drenched in, the milky gloss in her eyes. Yet, here she sits, alive, well, undead, but... but it's her. She is no longer dead.

And Aidan is just so sorry that this is so.

"Rebecca...," he mutters as he takes his seat next to her. She turns to him, and it's as though Bishop is looking at him, "You don't look nearly surprised enough to see a girl you left for dead."

"I don't know where to begin," Aidan exhales. Just where do you start? When you should have ended it right from the beginning. Not take the flirt. Turn away. Leave it be. Leave her alive.

Where do you start when everything is over already?

"Try. I've got an eternity," she snorts.

"I didn't want this for you," Aidan tells her. He really didn't. He didn't mean for any of this to happen to her. He liked her, he really did. For that one night he spent with her, he felt a little more human again, a little less dead. He never wanted her to share his pains.

"Better to kill me?" she huffs.

"Rebecca...," the man sighs, his chest feeling as though it was pulled through acid.

"You left me for dead!" she breaks out. Aidan pulls her by the arm, whispering, "Can we walk?"

She gets up abruptly and so the two of them walk through the park, looking almost like normal people... walking through the park. Just that they are vampires, undead, walking through the park. But that's the curious thing. If a place is sunny, if there are children playing and laughing... then who would ever think that the monsters are walking among them?

Those belong in the closet, right?

"I don't do this anymore. I got weak with you," Aidan explains.

"And now I'm strong," she snarls. "You know how terrified I felt when I woke up in that room, their eyes on me? No idea what had happened, where you were, what you were."

"If I had any idea he'd do that to you...," Aidan means to explain, but she interrupts him, "I get what came over you. I've got it. I wanna rip my skin off half the time."

"I know," Aidan nods sympathetically. He can feel it, too, this searing fire that consumes you from the inside.

"But the other half...I feel like a goddess," she smiles suddenly. "So thanks for that. No. Thank Bishop."

"He's got a nice sales pitch," Aidan warns her. "But once the high wears off, it is more gruesome than you could realize."

He knows the game. Because Aidan fell for it, too, way too long. Bishop gave him everything his now vampire system needed, but then he stopped. And that had Aidan begging on his knees for Bishop to take him with him, and make sure the pain stays away...

Give a fix.

That is how manipulation works.

That is how you create your little slaves, your army, who are willing to go to death for just a single crumb of bread, or int his case, a drop of blood.

Rebecca huffs at his warning, though. The male vampire studies her. It's his mistake that she is like this now, no longer this sweet girl he went on a date with, with the nice smile, the deep eyes. Thanks to his mistake, she is now pulled into darkness. It's because of him that she has Bishop's eyes now. And that is when Aidan's determination changes. As it seems, his dream of house is not working the way it should anyways. Josh may never forgive him. So maybe...

"We can go away together, you and me," he tells her. She is his responsibility. He can take care of it. That is something he can manage, right?

"Sure. Bed and breakfast upstate? We'll feed off the leaf peepers," she laughs drily.

"I got you into this, so I could teach you," Aidan offers. He just has to get her out of Bishop's claws, away from this hell. He knows that he sold his soul to that man, but he is not willing to let Rebecca make the same mistake, make her pay even more than she did anyways. Being a vampire is enough of a curse, she doesn't have to be one of Bishop's minion on tops.

"Not sure I want advice from the man who fell off the wagon," she huffs.

"But we can help each other stay strong," Aidan bargains. Maybe that idea is not halfway bad, right? Help each other stay clean?

It's what he wanted to try with Josh, too, but maybe you have to be of the same race, belong to the same group of cursed ones to make it work?

"Please, I already know the best way to keep strong is to feed," she argues, but then grimaces at him. "What happened to you? Bishop told me you were the best."

"I was the worst," Aidan corrects her. This is the time that he would love to just erase not only from his memory, but from earth's memory entirely. He did things that even a million years of cleaning out bedpans won't make up for.

Things that will forever haunt him in his dreams.

"Well, how can you hate it so much? Nothing can kill you," Rebecca shakes her head.

"That's not true," Aidan warns her. Yes, they can die, and he very often wanted to. They die every damn minute of the day, just that there is no blissful afterlife waiting for them in the distance, but simply the same mock of a life for yet another day, just to die again.

"Practically nothing can kill you," Rebecca argues, but then goes on musing. "The volume has been turned up in the world. I really hear what people say, how fast their hearts are beating. I can tell you what's for dinner three streets away. And my body..."

"Yeah, it has its perks. But you have to remember who you were, who you loved," Aidan argues, still hoping to somehow pull her back.

"I was pathetic. I fell into bed with you after two glasses of wine and twenty minutes of swagger. To hell with who I loved. Dad never thought I'd amount to much. Wait till I grab him by the throat and eat his heart out," she smiles evilly. Aidan stops her, searching her eyes, "Listen to me very carefully. You do not wanna do that. You will never forgive yourself."

He knows.

Because he will never forgive himself either.

But... she doesn't seem to care, "All those years I spent being sorry? Think how sorry my sisters will be when I drain their babies lifeless. It'll be the best family meal we've had in years."

She looks at Aidan, at the defeat in his eyes, but doesn't care either, _"_Ha. What? Jealous?"

He didn't turn her, but he cursed her.

And Aidan doesn't even know how he can pick up the pieces.

Or where to start.

Isn't it all over already?

* * *

And while Aidan fights his demons, Josh tries to face his own. Maybe fixing it with Emily to some degree is not as much of a Herculean task as is... whatever it is that is with Aidan. Josh just doesn't want to think about it. About him. About everything. They only started this project of life so little time ago, and they already have enough problems for a lifetime, or two. Josh thought that he finally had a friend, but he is seemingly just unable to find good friends in the first place, and then to keep them.

It's not like he has anyone to really count on, right? At least not anymore.

And so he stands next to Emily, outside the hospital, having conversation, even though he fights any urge not to just run away.

It worked before, for a given time...

**"**Are you okay?" he asks hesitantly, his brown eyes nervously dancing up and down, right to left.

"Are _you_? A friend said you had a condition," Emily asks instead. Right, a _condition._ A sickness, a tumor, something to kill, cut out, burn. Just that this would probably kill him, too... Though Josh starts to care less and less about that.

"Hey, are you... Are you mad at me, Josh?" Emily questions. Josh blinks at her, "What? No."

Why would he be mad at her?

"Then why won't you talk to me? I told you something that I hadn't told anyone. Next thing I knew, you were gone," the younger sister argues. And Josh heart, if possible, sinks even lower, drops to the ground and is run over by a bus. She really thinks that?!

"I'm so sorry," he brings out.

"It's me, Josh. What is such a secret that you can't tell me? I saw it yesterday, didn't I? Or does it get worse?" she grimaces.

"This was a mistake. I should leave you alone," Josh shakes his head. He can't do this. He just can't.

Maybe everyone is alone after all.

He means to go away again, but Emily holds him back, "No. No. We're here. We're talking."

And how much Josh hates himself to see the desperation in her eyes, the desperation he causes her, the pain. So he stays, even if he should be running.

"What did you say to Julia?" she asks.

"Nothing," Josh replies.

"If you didn't wanna marry her and go to med school...," Emily's voice trails off, but Josh interrupts her nervously, "No, no, Em, it wasn't... It wasn't that. Something happened to me."

And that something has fur, howls to the moon, and just fucked up his life.

"What?" she questions.

"It's dangerous, Em. My life...," Josh explains, his voice trailing off. "Yes, it gets worse. It gets much, much worse."

"Look, Jackie and I are going home tomorrow. I'm not letting you leave us again," the little sister tells him. She wants her brother back in her life. Because he is part of her life, and without him, she is just not whole.

"I almost killed you," Josh argues. Why is that child still not scared for herself?! Why does she have to care so much about him, when she should be focusing on living her life, living a happy life?!

"I don't care. Let me help you, Josh. Please, come with us," she pleads him. Josh closes his eyes.

Maybe he should?

It's not like he has a home to return to.

It's not like John Donne was right when he said:

_No man is an island__, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promontory were, as well as if a manor of thy friend's or of thine own were. Any man's death diminishes me because I am involved in mankind; and therefore never send to know __for whom the bell tolls__; it tolls for thee._

Because right now Josh has any feeling that he is an island, an island a storm means to wash away.

* * *

After his conversation with Emily, Josh headed home, just to find Danny with Sally, even though Danny was obviously unaware of that, which means that goo is going to come out of the sinks and pipes... for the rest of eternity, maybe, unless Sally gets a handle on this. Though Josh starts to give up on the idea. He can't control his feelings either, and despite the fact that this messes up the house, he starts to blame her less and less for it. Danny leaves with the assurance of getting a plumber, leaving Sally to her misery once again.

Sadly, you can't call a plumber for hurt emotions, for hushing the tears away, the darkness.

And so Josh finds himself consoling Sally.

**"**I'm sorry. I guess it takes that 'He doesn't even know I'm alive' thing to a whole new level," he grimaces sympathetically.

"Yeah. Maybe I'm not supposed to leave," she shrugs. "Okay. Maybe he couldn't see me, but... he felt something. How could I not pursue that?"

"Because...you're a monster. And he's not. And...Trust me... It ends bad," Josh warns her. Sally shoots him a glance, but Josh knows he is right. "You know, I was engaged."

"You were?" she gapes. Sally didn't overhear that conversation, that much is for sure.

"Yeah. I'll try not to take offense to your extreme shock," Josh snorts.

"And she doesn't know?" Sally asks, her voice soft.

"What would I say? I'm... I'm... What?" he stammers.

A monster?

A werewolf?

Anything but the man you said you'd marry one day?

His tone turns bitter allover once he goes on, "It's a miracle I got her to love me once."

It's a miracle he got anyone outside his family to love him. Until the wolf happened, Josh really thought of himself as the luckiest guy in the world, to have her. Fine, his family was always a little messed-up, but... but he loved them, no matter what. And then he met Julia, this beautiful creature, funny, smart, warmhearted, kind, generous, and she fell for this awkward, but somehow funny dweeb – and for some reason didn't let go. When he proposed to her... Josh honestly thought he was doing everything right in his life. That he was the lucky one. That the years of being awkward and alone finally paid off, if only to wake up next to her for the rest of his life. That was until the others talked him into this stupid camping trip. And after that, he just ran away not only form his family, but also from her.

Some people say that they are rather loved once than never.

Josh is not too sure about that. In that moment, yes, he was the proudest man to have her, but now... now every happy memory seems to be pushed into the moonlight, into a nightsky, and when he pictures himself in it, his eyes turn golden and claws and fur take over.

Should love really hurt that much?

At some point, Josh honestly starts to believe that love is no longer an option for him.

Because you can hardly love anyone when in truth you will always be alone by the end of the day.

"You don't know how she'd react," Sally argues.

"Sally the Ghost. That's asking him to swallow a heck of a lot, don't you think?" Josh huffs.

"I've been dead for six months with no sign of change. If he gets scared... if my feelings get hurt, if a white light appears and I walk into it...what's the harm in trying?" Sally argues. Who knows, right? It's not like she has anything much to lose. It's not like you can die twice, right?

… or can you?

"You really wanna go through the pain... of losing him all over again?" Josh argues, because he can't really recommend it. He sees it with Emily. All the pieces of his heart that he was able to glue back together are shattered into even tinier pieces now that his sister bumped back into his life. Because he knows what this will most likely ebb into: losing again, losing her again. This way or another. And that pain is worse.

"I'm already dead," Sally shrugs.

So really, where's harm done? A heart that doesn't beat cannot be broken anymore, can it?

* * *

Aidan, seeing his entire world crumble before his eyes, doesn't worry about falling back into pattern when he enters a bar to spend the rest of the night. Not anymore. He just needs a distraction from the darkness looming above his head, from the loneliness pulling him down. As it turns out, all people he cares about or could care about again, could take care of... don't care about him. So where is the point in trying to prove the opposite, huh?

If Josh already believes that he is no more than a bloody monster, then why not give him a reason to push him over the edge?

And there comes the other Lilith, as though it was a sign of fate. Aidan spots Cara in the crowd, chatting with some friends. Once their eyes meet, she flashes a gentle smile and walks over to him, "Hello."

"Cara... hi. I didn't see you here," Aidan tells her.

"Yeah, I was just over there with my friends. But I thought I'd come over and say hi," she smiles, but then frowns at herself almost embarrassed, _"Which I did..."_

"Mission accomplished," Aidan grins at her, darkness creeping its way into his eyes.

Always the same game.

The same song.

Bishop is not the only Siren.

"Anyways, I guess I'll just...," she grimaces, but Aidan grins at her, "You know what, I'm sorry. Uhm... Sit and have a drink with me."

He pulls the chair back for her.

"Sauvignon?"

Or an apple as temptation?

Cara smiles at him, visibly impressed, "Yeah! How did you know?"

His little magic trick, the one he traded his soul for.

Aidan hears music inside his head, a strange melody, because normally he always hears the same tune, the Siren's song. Aidan's eyes drift off to the side.

Should he try after all?

Prove people wrong?

Wasn't that what he tried before?

* * *

Josh takes out the garbage, trying to do what normal people do... taking out the garbage. He just wants to distract himself with housework. Because that is within the house he still wants to make home, with our without Aidan now. He told him, didn't he? Josh still wants to hold on to humanity, no matter what his roommate may be up to, or down to. Josh wants to be normal, well, as normal as it can get for a werewolf with OCD, stuck in a haunted house.

But he managed alone before, right? It wasn't great, but it worked. He didn't kill anyone then either. And that seems to be the one goal Josh feels like he accomplish.

And Sally is there, too. That is at least something.

Nevertheless, it still pains him to know that the person who was supposed to help him make it more... doesn't want this anymore, or gave up trying.

Josh is pulled out of his musing by the sound of his cellphone. The werewolf shuts the trashcan as he fishes the phone out of his pocket. He glances at the screen – Aidan. That this guy calls after what just went on... unbelievable.

"What?" Josh growls, his voice deep. He would rather just hang up already.

"_What, so we're never speaking to each other again_?" Aidan argues over the other end of the line, and Josh feels any urge to just punch that dumb smirk he knows Aidan wears out of his face.

_"Come to the bar__,"_ the vampire then whispers, and Josh can't hear the smile anymore.

"I'm busy," Josh snorts. Busy with life, rings a bell, Mr. Waite?

"_Cara's here_," Aidan goes on.

"So?!" Josh rolls his eyes. Now that jerk even has the cheek to boast about his conquests – after finding out about Rebecca?!

"_So you should come_," Aidan tells him.

"Why?" Josh huffs, but that is when the penny drops for him once again.

Seriously, Aidan?

Do you seriously jump in front of a bus to force Josh to save you?!

Panic rises within the werewolf, his voice shaking, "Aidan, no. Just don't!"

"_Great. So you'll come, then_?" Aidan smiles.

"Just... I'll be right there," Josh replies.

"_Good_," Aidan grins before he hangs up.

He can be angry with him later, right?

So Josh quickly makes his way to the bar, hoping that he still makes it in time.

Maybe he can stop the bus after all.

* * *

Back in the bar, Aidan puts the phone back in his pocket. Cara tilts her head at him,_ "_Who was that?"

"Josh. He's coming over," Aidan tells her.

Your savior, girl... if he comes in time, that is...

"Okay, so, where were we? He asked you if you had anything in red," Aidan grins at her.

"No, seriously. And, um, for those of you keeping track, that was the fourth pair of shoes!" she argues.

"You tried on four pairs of shoes for a man with a shoe fetish?" he snickers.

"Or six pairs of shoes," Cara admits. Why is she saying this?!

"Oh wow! Okay! All right. Well, I gotta give you credit for staying with it," Aidan laughs.

"Oh, why... Why am I telling you this?" Cara grimaces. She is feeling so weird. It's nice, this sensation, but...

"Oh, well, that's my curse. Women like to tell me their most embarrassing stories," Aidan tells her.

Well, it's part of the curse. The funny part of the curse.

Because the rest is just an abyss without a bottom.

"Well, you go. You owe me," Cara smirks, all insecurities leaving her.

"I have nothing that bad," Aidan grins.

I have worse.

The song inside Aidan's head stops playing abruptly at the sound of one particular voice right next to him, "Sure you do."

_Rebecca. _What is she doing here?!

"Shove over, babe."

"You shouldn't be here," Aidan warns her.

"Oh, hush! She's cute. What'd I miss?" she grins viciously before turning her attention to the young woman flirting with Aidan, "Mmm! Well?"

"I don't know," Cara grimaces.

"Well, let's see. You told your sad little story, right? Now Aidan will tell you his, and you'll laugh and he'll say something self-deprecating. I don't wanna ruin it for you. Let's get on with it already. Am I right? You'll go back to your place. He's selfish that way. And then he'll give you some 'blah-blah-blah' about Byron and his curse," the young vampire explains.

"Rebecca!" Aidan cries out.

"Rebecca?" Cara blinks at her. The girl who went missing?! Wait... _what?!_

"Oh...I think she's got it," Rebecca snorts sarcastically.

"Leave," Aidan tells her, but the vampire is having none of it, "Hold on. I wanna see her face when she puts it together."

"Um... I really shouldn't have ditched my friends. So I think I'm just...," Cara's voice trails off. Once Rebecca leaves her hand on Aidan, she leaves, to which the female vampire giggles darkly.

_"_Just go," Aidan tells her. What was he thinking coming here?! Just how many mistakes can you make in two days? How many in a life?

"Come with me. You said it yourself. We can help each other," she pouts.

"I said we can help each other stay clean," Aidan corrects her. She gets closer to him, "Let's get dirty first."

Dirty and drenched in blood – that is what Aidan wanted to get away from, right? If only it wasn't so close...

"Rebecca, look... Okay, I already told you no," Aidan argues, but that only gets her anger flaring, "You screw me. You kill me. You never call. You really know how to mess with a girl's self-esteem. Ugh! I'm bored!"

She spots a guy by the bar and yells at him, "Hey! Wanna get out of here?"

"Uh, yeah," the man smirks.

"Fantastic," she grins, before turning to Aidan one last time, "Bye-bye."

"Wait," he tries to hold her back .

"Why? You want in?" Rebecca snickers.

"You don't wanna do this," Aidan tells the man.

And for once, he hopes the Siren's song will work – to save this man.

"I'm pretty sure I do," the man argues nevertheless. Aidan gets into eye contact with him, his voice deep, "You go back to your friends. You have a drink. You forget about this one."

"Just go home!"

Go home, run, run for dear life, you idiot! You still have it ahead of you!

"Yeah, okay, okay!" the man waves his hands in the air and walks off.

Bullet dodged, but... still a revolver to the head.

* * *

Josh finally reaches the bar. His mind is reeling, his heart is hammering in his chest. Is he too late already? God, if something happens to her just because he didn't check if Aidan was up to something...

Maybe he shouldn't have said all those things after all...?

His eyes search for Aidan, but instead, he finds...

"Rebecca!"

Upon catching sight of him, the female vampire grabs him roughly, "Good doggie! Heel!"

He tears away from her as he catches sight of what is even more terrifying than is Rebecca in the flesh, or not... Cara... drenched in blood... that can't be. No.

No. No. No. No. No. No. No.

"Cara. Hey, Cara," he calls out to her as he applies pressure to the seeping wound to her throat. And that is when Aidan appears, "No, no, no, no, no!"

He is next to Josh instantly.

"There's too much blood. There's too much," the werewolf breaks out, his chest heaving. He hates himself that his brain is not working the way it should. He was to med school. He is an orderly. Just why the hell can't he help her?

Useless condition... right?

From behind, Rebecca calls out to them, "Well, someone had to do it, and you were taking your sweet-ass time. Mmm! I highly recommend a bar kill. She was sweet. A little oaky and cheap, but still... best Saturday night I've had in a long time."

"If we don't get help, she's gonna die," Josh tells Aidan.

"Oh, don't look so tragic," Rebecca rolls her eyes, before turning back to Aidan. "Give her a sip. She'll be fine."

Josh blinks at Aidan, "Is that true? Can you save her?"

Does that mean vampires can... help in that way? Heal her?

"It won't be saving her," Aidan shakes his head. It didn't save him back on the battlefield when he was dead and Bishop brought him back, or parts of him. It didn't save Rebecca. This curse doesn't save anyone. It's just a curse.

"Aww...That's right. You prefer to leave your conquests for dead," Rebecca snorts. Josh panics, his eyes wide, "If you can save her... please..."

"I can't! I'm sorry," Aidan tells him.

No, he can't save her. Not anymore.

Josh focuses on Cara as life leaves her. And suddenly he smells moss mixed with blood and sees flashlights behind his eyelids, of his dead friend next to him.

So that is what death smells like.

* * *

Later, the two men find themselves back in the hospital, in their spare clothes... because the others were drenched in Cara's blood. Neither one is sure what to say. Here they sit, with an innocent girl's blood on their hands, literally. Just how far can you drop in a week? From the top of the morning to the abyss of no tomorrow.

Eventually, it's Josh who breaks the silence, his voice raw, "So, this is it? It's over, isn't it?"

That must be it, right? They can't continue now that they are over with blood. They will have to sell the house. They will have to go separate ways.

Does he have to get a new identity then? Though Josh finds the idea utterly ridiculous – because who the hell gives a damn on him, right?

Project failed.

Maybe next time.

Or not.

Josh actually did some internet research not long ago.

There are some pretty bridges even here in Boston.

Aidan stares at Josh, but then fidgets around, "No!"

No, it isn't over, or is it? Or does Josh mean to call it all off? The fact that Josh came, now that Aidan is back to his senses, made him hope again that maybe the werewolf didn't give up yet. On this life.

On him.

"They'll trace Cara to Rebecca... and Rebecca to you," Josh argues.

He can hear the storm in the distance already.

"No. We're spread so far. Our networks run so deep. This happens... all the time," Aidan argues, nodding at Bishop, as he roams around the staff, taking statements.

"So that is...," Josh grimaces. He can see the cold in those man's eyes even from a distance.

"Yeah," Aidan nods. "And that's why we call him when something happens."

"To cover it up," Josh grimaces.

"To cover it up, yeah," Aidan agrees solemnly. "So that we can somehow carry on. We fall too often to..."

"Go to prison," Josh nods, a sickening realization spreading throughout him.

"We are in one already, just a bigger cage," Aidan tells him solemnly. Josh nods numbly.

He still understands only little about what it means to be a vampire, but one thing he starts to see clearer is that eternity is a damn long time, a lot of space for error.

"I didn't want this to happen," Aidan whispers.

Josh takes a moment, letting it sink in, and then finds the answer, "I know."

He knows now. Aidan surely didn't want that for Cara. And judging by his expression now, he didn't want it for Rebecca either.

Even if Josh is by no means past this, a part of him feels strangely relieved to see his friend back, not the vampire who gives a damn on everyone, who just covers up the evidence and lies. There is sadness in his eyes, regret. Something that Josh found absent when he confronted him about Rebecca's comeback, what really pushed him over the edge to say all those hurtful things to Aidan. But now... This is the person who held out his hand to Josh when Marcus and his friend beat him to pulp.

Aidan is back.

At the same time, it sets something straight within Josh that he couldn't figure out before. He can't make the same mistake.

He won't.

That's over now.

No more doubts. No more going back and forth, no more walking circles by the bus station to decide whether to jump into the street, hoping to maybe hop on, or otherewise get run over, fast.

Wordlessly, he gets up and walks away from Aidan. He hears no sound, doesn't feel his feet touching the ground until he makes it to the reception where Emily and Jackie are checking her out. Once she catches sight of him, Emily turns to him hopefully, but her features sag at the seriousness in his eyes. He wouldn't look like that if he told her that he'd come back with her, be a family again, be Em and Jo again.

"My life is different now," he tells her with a strangely strong voice. He taps against his chest. "I'm different."

His heart skips to a different beat. It howls to the moon, when it should be beating for her and his family.

"You don't wanna know me. You can't help me. Just leave me alone."

I will save you, no matter the costs.

I won't jump in front of that bus, I won't hop on.

I will find a different matter of transportation, to wherever that is now.

* * *

After Josh took off, Aidan got up himself, knowing that meeting up with Bishop is just as inevitable as are the nightmares that will consume him in the near future, haunting him with Rebecca's smile, Cara's smile. And their blood. So much blood.

"Should have turned her, sweet girl like that. And a nurse, no less. That would have been convenient," Bishop tells him once they are alone.

"I'm not interested in making things convenient for you," Aidan tells him. No, that is long since over.

"You and I aren't gonna have a problem, are we, Aidan?" Bishop asks in a soft voice, holding Aidan back by the shoulder.

"Not by me," the younger vampire replies. Aidan wants to get away, now again, but he also knows that he can't cross with Bishop like that.

Or else he will never have a shot at fixing things.

At living.

"I'm afraid I'm gonna need a little bit more reassurance than that," Bishop argues. "What's it gonna be? Us... or them?"

Aidan's body stops moving. He knew that this is what it would come down to eventually. Because if he learned anything from the argument with Josh, then it is that you can't play normal with one family, and have the other clean up the dark messes you leave along the way. You make a choice and you live by it.

At the same time... Aidan is by no means delusional. He knows that the life he lives does not end after a blissfully acceptable amount of time. Because you can't kill what's already dead, if not for a stake through the heart, or a head rolling off the shoulders. Aidan knows that there is no way he escapes Bishop forever, unless he went on a spaceship, perhaps. And even then he couldn't be sure.

They are bound together by doom.

"It was never a question. Not really," Aidan tells him, not looking at Bishop. "Maybe I am sentenced... to a life in hell with you. But here and now...I choose them."

Because maybe one life lived can make up for the next lives of torment.

Because in this life... Aidan doesn't feel as alone anymore, because he has people around him working towards the same goal, not against it.

He still wants to try.

He can still die another day.

* * *

Later that night, Josh and Sally watch Aidan sitting on the front steps, consumed by his thoughts, by the regret, the guilt. Josh honestly didn't think he would find himself forgiving Aidan, but...

"I never really thought about it before, how hard he must work every single second of his life... not to be one of them. I guess I just take it for granted he's as good as he is."

Josh sees things in a different light now, or a different darkness, maybe. Aidan was right, he still is. His curse is worse. Because there is not a single moment, seemingly, when he doesn't have to fight his cravings, doesn't have to stand up, stand tall, spit in temptation's face. That experience made Josh realize that he took it too lightly. Aidan really faces the stronger enemy.

He tries so damn hard to be good. And he is so often that Josh honestly forgot just how hard he has to work for that.

"Do you think he should have saved her?" Sally asks hesitantly.

"I think he did," Josh replies.

He saved Cara, as twisted as it is.

Just as Josh hopes that he is saving Emily.

If you really care about someone, you make sure that no more harm is done to them. You make sure that they don't fall into the same holes that you already try to climb out of.

And that means letting them go, sometimes. Swat the hand away. Let yourself fall into the abyss, waving goodbye.

Aidan saved Cara by sparing her the sorrows of being a vampire, by sparing her his own curse.

Josh hopes he saved Emily by sparing her the danger of her brother hurting her one day, making her one of his.

And in that, they don't seem that different, actually.

Josh eventually tears himself away from the window. He walks into the kitchen and fixes a mug he then takes outside. He walks down the first two steps so that Aidan takes notice of his presence, holding out the mug of blood to him. Aidan takes it wordlessly.

Because he understands the message unspoken.

He gives it to him in Aidan's mug, because he still wants to believe or believes that they can work this, being normal, living in a house, drinking coffee or blood from the same mug every morning.

They start over. Back to step one.

Josh gives Aidan his placebo, to help him come clean.

And in that sense, the vampire just realizes again that _Josh_ is... his sober companion.

So yes, they have different curses.

They fight different demons.

But they still work towards the same goal.

Maybe they are no islands after all.


	7. How to Protect?

Author's Note: Thanks for looking into my story, and special thanks to kyub3y14 for being my second reviewer, and being such a kind one^^

And as requested, I will now move into my own AU a bit, taking up more on situations of the show, and not just repeating the lines and going into the inner perspective to give it more insight.

I take up on what sparked my interest most, so I skip to episode 4 and 5 in season 1, and bring them together, taking the snippets and pieces that I want most, but twist them for my own evil purposes.

I love AU for that.

Reviews are welcome and very, very, very much appreciated. Last one made me cry in joy!

Read, review, and hopefully enjoy ;)

* * *

_If you want to keep something, you have to protect it. Isn't it like that? The more you value it, the more fences you build, the more weapons you get. You cling on to it with all your might because you can't imagine to be without it. It's a part of you, so deeply embedded into you that tearing it out is like tearing yourself in half. _

_We hear it in songs humming in the radio, watch it in cheesy romances, read it in cheap love novels. _

_You are always in my heart. _

_Always on my mind._

_My heart, it only beats for you. _

_And we think that this is a good protection, because it is so close to us, right? We place those treasures in our heart because we value them that much. They are that important to us that we count them along the lines of our most vital part – our heart, our engine, what keeps us alive. _

_Makes us human. _

_Well, welcome to reality!_

_It's the **worst** place to hide your little treasures, to protect them. _

_Why? _

_Because this protection only works for as long as the threat comes from the outside. _

_But what if it comes from... **within?** Ever crossed the mind? _

_What if the threat goes to sleep right next to where you store your little treasures? Waves it good morning and kisses it good night? _

_Because, let's face it, we all have our little dark side. No one is innocent. We are all capable of the worst. And that is the threat to our heart, our life, our little treasures. By holding them so close, we constantly threaten to lose them. _

_The best protection seems to be to push them away, actually. Keep the treasures outside your heart. Watch from a distance. Then your little treasures are only confronted with the outside world, which is bad enough, of course, but at least they are not consumed by your own darkness. They don't have to go down along with your heart, with yourself, thanks to your dark side. _

_We want to protect, but we can't. And some even less than others. Because their dark side is just so, so strong, has large claws, white teeth, yellow eyes. It's tempting. Pulls you into yourself, consumes you. And sometimes... sometimes that dark side takes over. _

_Because we are just fed up being weak, longing for our treasures. _

_Dark sides are little bitches, craving attention, little Sirens in your head. _

_We feel the rush – because we stop thinking and simply answer this urge, this instinct to protect what is precious to us. The problem is that it makes us blind for reality, once again. We just feel euphoric for this one moment of false victory, but don't see that we are not protecting our treasures anymore, but leave them in the open, in the night. _

_We don't see that we actually lose. _

_The dilemma is just that simple: You can't protect yourself from yourself, from your dark side, because tearing it out is even worse than tearing out your treasures. It makes you collapse, die. And if you can't protect yourself, then how do you protect your little treasures in your heart? _

_So, better brace yourself. _

_Or maybe, **just** maybe... one of your treasures has enough courage to come to save you? _

_But by that time... it might be just too late already._

* * *

Josh slowly pries his eyes open against the harsh light evading his eyes. At first everything is a blur, but then he can make out the contours... of... a deer, a mauled, very dead, very mauled dead deer next to him... and blood all over him...

At this point the werewolf reconsiders going back to the basement, even though it was proven to be absolutely not safe – first Emily, and then the vandal he almost choked out in his canine-chaos. Nevertheless, the rusty metal gave Josh a sort of reassurance, strangely so. It was his "Cage" for that fleeting second before the turn. It was a way to contain the beast, keep it locked up, behind electric fences, but high voltage please.

But now Josh feels like he is one step back, maybe even three. The sight of the deer next to him only brings up the flashlights again, the smell of moss and blood, images of his lost friend, his life that died this very night. He is back to "Mother Nature" as Sally commented sarcastically. Though Josh still blames it on setting her up on that _blind ghost date_ with Tony. Because even though she enjoyed his company and the advice later on, the female ghost declared that she is still mad at her two roommates for setting her up like that, even though Josh blames it on Aidan.

It was his idea, after all.

Speaking of Aidan... Josh should better get going to fetch some clothes, preferably his own. Or else the vampire will either give it yet another lewd comment or he won't let Josh in, or so he fears. Aidan likes to humiliate him, a bit, at times... _often..._ At least Josh starts to laugh about it, even if more from embarrassment than anything else.

The young man is pulled out of musing as another waft of decaying deer forces its way up his nostrils, so the werewolf scrambles to his feet, instinctively grabbing for his crotch to cover his manhood. He glances around, still trying to figure out in which part of the woods he ended up in, since that is not where he left off to transform.

Damn, that means his clothes are somewhere, nowhere, everywhere.

Aidan won't let this go. And Josh is seemingly destined to give Aidan new fuel after each turn.

The normal troubles of a werewolf who is stuck with a witty vampire for a chaperone...

Josh sends a silent prayer to heaven that he didn't just end up enacting the Simpsons again, looking around dazed.

"You really don't know a thing, do you?" a voice rings out from not so far. Josh snaps his head around to see a seasoned man with cap and chequered flannel shirt standing there. Just what the hell is that guy doing here, spying on him, while he is walking around in his Adam's costume?!

"I, I, I...," Josh stammers helplessly, his mind deciding not to work for now.

"Here, put on these. That's awkward enough," the man tells him, throwing a duffel at Josh. The werewolf blinks at him, but then decides against declining with thanks because the prospect of clothes is now ever the more tempting. Josh quickly grabs the clothes he finds in them, despite the douchy-ness.

"Who, who are you?" Josh asks hesitantly. He never saw this man before, and it's not like it's usual for some hiker, if he is, to have some spare clothes with him that he willingly shares with someone who walks around in his nudes, next to a dead deer.

So much to how Josh is now to a state of normal.

"The name's Ray," the man tells him. "And ya, pal, don't know a thing of what to do as a wolf, do you?"

"I, I'm...," Josh stammers helplessly once again as the information tries to unfold inside his brain to force the penny over the edge to drop to the ground. However, Ray is so kind to verbalize what the penny means to tell Josh, "I'm a werewolf, too. I've watched you last night. You still got so much to learn."

Great, now Josh can't even use the cage anymore, but also needs a new forest.

It's just getting better and better, right?

* * *

Aidan is standing in the kitchen, heating up one of the blood bags. He is still trying to get used to the taste again, or rather lack of it, but it's getting better. After Bishop brought him to take live-blood again, Aidan wanted to spend the next days and nights down in the basement, shivering on the bed. Yet, he didn't – already to prove it to Josh and Sally that he is no bloody addict, or at least not as much. He hopped off the wagon, but the vampire is still eager to jump back on, even if that means some running and falling to the ground. Coming clean is not easy. If so, no one would be addicted anymore, right?

Aidan is pulled out of his musing when Josh storms inside.

"Oh, hey... what are you doing here so early? I wanted to come pick you up?" Aidan frowns. Their usual time is half an hour from now, which is why Aidan went for a little vampire breakfast before heading out. Aidan knows that Josh is still not all too fond of being forced back into the wilderness after the vandal debacle. However, if Josh walks back by foot, it means that something went wrong, majorly wrong. But when doesn't it?

Josh grumbles some incoherent curses, the way he usually does when he is agitated, so Aidan notes. He walks over to the fridge to grab something to drink. The vampire uses the moment to give his friend a quick look-over, his eyebrows knitted, "Why are you dressed like a douche?"

Josh grabs a bottle from the fridge, his fingers tightening around the plastic.

"Because a douche gave these clothes to me. No, wait, a _werewolf_ douche gave them to me," Josh tells him, gritting his teeth. "I mean, here I think that things are panning out, that I'm back to normal again, but then... something like that happens. My life's hell."

And as Josh utters these words, Sally pops in with the same words, just louder, "My life's hell!"

"Oh, hey, yeah, I was just kinda saying that my life's hell, but let's talk about how your life is hell," Josh snorts. By now he knows that Sally, regardless of her humor and great empathy, is a little _(big)_ drama queen.

"What happened?" Aidan asks, turning to Sally. The vampire and the werewolf actually agreed to go for Sally's problems first, if not obviously less severe. The reason is simple – they want to keep the house intact, and when Sally is furious, they have goo in the sink and the bathtub, lightbulbs popping up like fireworks, or the house moving as though it was in a storm. So they could proudly announce that they could take showers without goo for almost a month now. And Aidan and Josh want it to stay that way.

"I just realized that my ex-best friend is a brutal whore," Sally goes on, deciding to plop down on the sink, looking even younger than she does by nature. The two men frown at her.

"I caught Bridget and Danny making out," she translates.

"... and you watched them," Aidan makes a face. He can't imagine that this was a pleasure for her.

"Is not like I wanted to," Sally argues.

"But you do remember that you can just leave?" the vampire makes a face.

"I tried. I went back to here, but then I couldn't stop thinking about it, and then bang, I was back there," Sally cries out. "The whole time."

"That sucks," Aidan grimaces sympathetically. He knows that she is by no means over Danny, and now to have him hook up with her best friend must be torture.

"I know...," she sighs heavily, but then looks at Josh. "Why's Josh dressed like a douche?"

Josh narrows her eyes at her.

"He's met another werewolf," Aidan explains in his name.

"Aww," Sally sighs happily, but Aidan goes on, "Who's stalking him."

"Eww," Sally makes a face.

"Yeah, right, I'm not going over this," Josh grumbles, taking another swig from the juice. "I'm grabbing a shower, and then I'm off to work."

He gets up from the chair and leaves upstairs.

"You think he's okay?" Sally turns to Aidan. Because even if she rewarded the situation with funny faces, the female ghost can't imagine that a werewolf stalker is anything she wants near her roommate.

"Well, honestly, I was surprised that there weren't any other wolves yet. And before I got to know Josh, he never ran into anyone either as far as he told me. Yet, there must be at least one. After all, one turned him, but... I guess it must be weird to just have a wolf stalking you," Aidan replies.

"Stalking in general is not cool," Sally shakes her head.

"Tells me the girl who stalks her former fiancé, as he makes out with her ex-best friend?" Aidan snorts.

"... what should I do?" Sally sighs.

"... relax, forget about it, find composure, focus on something else," Aidan advises her.

"Not everyone has the 200-something years of experience of self-restraint," Sally rolls her eyes. She honestly wonders how he does that at times. There is so much trouble growing beneath their tiny sprout of normalcy that it seems hard to keep upright at times, but Aidan, to her surprise, is usually never wavered by any of it. Maybe you have to be around for so many years to be that... balanced.

"You still got a lot of time to learn," Aidan snickers, to which she rolls her eyes, "Whatever, Aidan."

The vampire flashes a quick smirk before his eyes drift off to the door again. It really bothers him, the thing with Josh. It never occurred to him before, but it might be dangerous with more werewolves around. Josh hardly regained some of his self-confidence over the past time. And that he had to leave his cage again made him by no means more confident in himself. Even though Josh is improving, so to speak, Aidan still knows that much of Josh's distress stems from his skepticism toward the idea of "normal". Yes, the werewolf plays house, but that is within the spectrum of their home, where he is around people he knows by now and dares to trust. Outside... let's face it, more than anything, he's still socially awkward at best.

Even though the Neighborhood Watch idea proved to be a catastrophe, Aidan had honestly hoped that it would help not only himself, but also Josh. So that he can move out of his shell, get in contact with people again, _without_ awkward. However, it seems to be almost symptomatic for the young werewolf that whenever he faces a problem or discovers a deficiency in himself, he is thrown back ten steps, at least. He doesn't feel comfortable again, he flees to home, and doesn't want to have anything to do with the outside world. So a new werewolf in town to turn the OCD wolf will throw him at least a few steps back to home.

After a while, Josh seemingly took extra-time cleaning, he comes back downstairs.

"Calmed down now?" Aidan asks cautiously, testing the waters. He obviously didn't get a chance to talk to Josh about this yet, so he hopes he gets a chance now, or well...

Aidan doesn't enjoy those kinds of conversation, but he sees their necessity.

"Ask me that again once I bleached my brain clean of that experience, that is if I find a way to actually do that without killing me in the process," Josh shakes his head.

"So it's really that bad to you?" Aidan questions.

"No, I find it _great_ to have a werewolf-stalker. That's just what I always wanted for my life, didn't you know?" Josh snorts.

He actually would have taken the Simpsons theme than this here.

"Just saying,"Aidan shrugs.

"Look, I want to have as little as possible to do with wolves or all that other stuff, if I can help it somehow. And now a werewolf-stalker who might start to stalk me for the other time of the months is about... personal nightmare apocalypse," Josh curses. He wants to protect his little home, this bit of normalcy, but a werewolf-stalker is simply... counterproductive to the whole idea.

"... but maybe he can teach you certain things, to handle the situation better," Aidan brings up, ever so cautiously. He knows that this is a very touchy topic.

"I don't trust werewolves," Josh grumbles. Why would he want to be close to a werewolf?!

"... you _are_ one," Aidan makes a face.

"And you really think I trust myself?" Josh huffs. "I don't. At all."

No, he doesn't trust himself, because the wolf is inherently a part of him, as painful as it is. And that part of him almost ripped his sister to shreds, almost strangled a vandal to death.

How would you trust this beast?

How would you trust yourself if you _are_ that beast?

"Josh...," Aidan sighs.

"I don't want to have to do with this guy, I really don't wanna," Josh shakes his head.

"O-kay," Aidan sighs. "But you could at least think about it."

"Can we just go to work, focus on anything but my creepy stalker?" Josh pleads, now using the puppy look on Aidan. Even though Josh is actually an adult, it's for moments such as these when he really looks like a teenager, a child...

"If that's whatcha want," Aidan shrugs.

A child that always gets his way, at least with Aidan.

"Yes!" Josh exclaims.

"Duly noted. Then let's head out to work. Maybe the bedpans will lighten you up again," Aidan jokes, snaking an arm around him as they head to the door.

Curiously, that usually works as a kind of reassurance.

Gestures are funny things.

* * *

After shift, the roommates are walking back home.

"God, I hate this evil witch from 205," Aidan grumbles, stuffing his hands even deeper into his pockets.

"Play nice, they are patients with fears and feelings and...," Josh tells him in a humming voice. Because that is one of the first things you get told when you start in the hospital – patients are just scared and that is why they are bitchy at times. You have to pay attention to their needs and wants. Not that this is actually something new to Josh. He honestly does that by nature, at least that is what he got told by the other nurses shortly after he started as an orderly. He has a way with patients, especially with kids.

Even if it's not med school, Josh starts to find himself liking this job, perhaps even more than that. Even though he still often bumps into things or knocks stuff over, he feels much more confident when in conversation with his patients.

They have fears, just like him.

Well, maybe not _just_ like him, but they _also_ have fears, simply heading down another road. Perhaps that is why he is better around patients than other people, even the staff. He is no person of authority and he doesn't have to be one. He simply helps them. He is a supporter, both for the physical and emotional needs, and if it's only to sit with that old granny who didn't have visitors ever since she came to stay at the hospital to talk to her while she enjoys her tea, making it a private tea party. Josh doesn't even care if that means he is ten minutes behind schedule.

Because those ten minutes, maybe, made that woman's life a little better.

Josh knows how hard it is to find light in a place of darkness – and ever since Aidan made it possible for him to get that job, Josh sees this spirit revived to help others fix their darkness. That is within his powers. Having tea and conversation is easy.

About his own darkness... that stands on a different page, of course.

"That witch sold her heart for someone else's firstborn, trust me," Aidan snorts.

"Aidan...," Josh rolls his eyes, but the vampire doesn't listen, "Hell, you haven't been around her yet! She puts wicked to a whole new level."

"It's this Miss Anderson everyone's talking about, right?" Josh asks curiously. Usually it makes the round quite fast what patients are on the "Least Wanted" list. Just as does anything. Gossip is a curious thing, really, unless you are the object of such. Then you hate it with all your heart.

"Who else?!" Aidan snorts.

"... but what did she do to you? You're normally not that... on edge, coz of a patient?" Josh argues. No, Aidan is really great around patients, after all, he has years of experience – and since it his way of redemption, the vampire is really devoted most of the time.

"I can deal with most of them, but this one is just...," Aidan mutters, but that is when his eyes suddenly turn black and his fangs come out. Aidan makes a creepy face, gesturing wildly and doing a few grunting sounds before instantly snapping back to normal. Josh can't help but laugh at that. It's always nice to see Aidan fussing like this, because normally he is always the composed one, in contrast to Josh, which makes the werewolf feel like a child, very often. Yet, this shows that even 200-something years don't cast a portion of child out of even the toughest cookies, such as is Aidan Waite.

"Maybe she's one of your kind after all?" Josh smirks.

"No, that I would know. Coz then, believe me, I would've staked her already. She is a human witch," Aidan snarls.

"We don't stake patients, Aidan," Josh rolls his eyes playfully.

"If she had been a vampire, sure as hell I would have. She is floundering around my hunting grounds. For us that's enough to stake someone," Aidan argues mockingly.

"... right, and after that we can leave town," Josh sighs. "Sleep in cheap motel rooms that you insisted on we had to escape from... all across the country to end up in... Canada... or so..."

"I think they'd give me a medal for that. There's no one capable of liking her, coz she isn't either," Aidan argues vehemently, but then he bows his head. "But sadly, she's human, so I can't stake her without you blaming me for it."

"And because it's morally wrong?" Josh scaffolds.

"That's not out yet," Aidan huffs.

"Well, think 'bout it. For as long as she's human... she will kick the bucket eventually," Josh argues.

"That's the only thing that makes my day. This might be the one occasion I might actually do her the favor of attending her funeral, just to stomp on her grave one last time," Aidan snorts.

"If you keep it up, she might haunt you, though," Josh warns him.

"Don't say that," Aidan lets out a mocking cry.

"Okay, we won't summon Miss Anderson as Bloody Mary. She will die and won't come back to stalk you as a ghost. I don't think Sally would take that kindly anyways...," Josh shrugs. "But seriously, what does she do to make you lose your cool?"

"Uh, everything. She calls everyone awful names that make no sense, throws things, especially bedpans, _full_ bedpans, she's racist, Republican, and so fundamental that fundamentalists would be scared of her, she has the evil eye, her voice is nerve-wrecking, she screams all day and night if she feels like it, accuses everyone of hurting her or sexually harassing her, _as if_, I mean... who makes out with a rotten steak from 1930-something?! … and, foremost, she won't stop," Aidan rants. "Ever."

"Just sedate her," Josh shrugs.

"... don't tempt me. I am that close to doing it," Aidan warns him.

"Compel her?" Josh smirks.

"Never. I don't want to have any mental contact with her. Then I would need your bleach method to wipe that outta my brain, no thank you," Aidan shudders.

And after the debacle with Officer Garrity, Aidan is ever so sure that he is not meant to compel anyone of that kind. That was yet another mark on his list of wrongdoings, an incredibly long list, written on with blood.

"What does she call you?" the werewolf wonders.

"New one every day. Today it was... Bloody lanky devil-schmuck. I don't even know what she means with that," Aidan gestures wildly.

"... not very specific, but it's still mean," Josh grimaces.

"How comes you got around her so far?" Aidan narrows his eyes at the other man, to which Josh shrugs, "Even the unlucky get lucky once in a while?"

"Yo, kid!" a voice suddenly rings out of one of the alleys. Josh's eyes widen unnaturally at the sound.

Why did he ever say that out loud again?!

Aidan frowns as suddenly Josh's stalker steps out of the shadows of one of the side alleys.

"It's good to see you," the seasoned werewolf smirks. Josh gapes at him, still trying to formulate a response, or utterance in general. His brain seemingly just shuts down whenever he comes face to face with that man. Or wolf.

However, before Josh can even react, the man's head snaps to Aidan, his eyes narrow slits, "Vampire."

"Aidan Waite, pleasure. I guess you are a werewolf, judging by the reeking smell?" Aidan grins at him cheekily.

"Kid, ya seriously tie with a fang?!" the older werewolf turns to Josh with wide eyes.

"I don't think that this is any of your business," Aidan argues.

"And who made ya his voice?" the werewolf snarls, getting right in Aidan's face.

"Again, that's not your concern," Aidan snaps back, not in the least wavered by the man's intimidation. "And anyways, I don't know how it is with your kind, but we introduce ourselves before we accuse one another."

The vampire smirks at him with narrowed eyes.

"The name's Ray," the seasoned werewolf snorts.

"So, _Ray,"_ Aidan says, flashing a fake smirk. "It's none of your business. And I think you should better head your ways again."

"What are you doing here?" Josh asks, finally finding his way back into the conversation.

"Toldcha, was lookin' for ya," the werewolf replies with a grin.

"And I told you that I don't want that," Josh tells him. No, after the man was so kind to enlighten Josh not only about the fact that he sucks as a wolf, but also that he's had an eye on him in a while, the younger werewolf decided to get away as fast as he could... which means he ran away, _fast._

Josh hoped that Ray got that message, which he seemingly didn't.

Seriously, world? You spare him Ms. Anderson, but send him Ray instead?

Because Josh would rather have taken up with the patient than this fellow.

"Ya just gotta see the greater good here, kid," Ray argues again, but Josh quickly interrupts him, "Josh, not kid, _Josh._ I'm an adult, thank you. I have a place of my own and I have a job, oh, I even pay taxes, so let's not call me that, shall we?"

"Not much actin' like an adult if ya let a fang speak for you, or friggin' align with one in the first place," Ray snorts.

"That is really not your concern. What I do with my life is none of your business, Ray. I don't know you," Josh argues sternly. And he can't believe that he is actually having that conversation with his werewolf-stalker, when he just wanted to walk home with his best friend, have something to eat, and then maybe enjoy a beer with Aidan while watching a show with him and Sally. Is that really asked too much?!

Can't he have that bit of normalcy he was able to harbor for himself?

_Please_?

"But we are one of a kind, kid, _Josh._ Ya gotta see that," Ray argues vehemently.

"That doesn't mean that you can tell me with whom I befriend or not," Josh shoots back angrily.

"Fangs mean trouble. They hunt us, didntcha know?" Ray tells him.

"And we hunt them. I guess this is just natural give and take," Josh replies sternly. "Again, this is my life, Ray. And I wold politely ask you to leave it at that."

"Being around fangs is dangerous," Ray warns him another time, but Josh's patience is wearing thin, as are his nerves. He can feel the prickles of needles against his skin because he feels more and more nervous. Why won't that guy just let go? Why doesn't he just leave him alone in what is supposed to be his life? Is that really asked too much?!

"Look, I appreciate it that you seemingly want to offer me help, but I'm handling about just fine, so thank you, but no thank you," Josh tells him another time, hoping that it will somehow reach Ray this time – and make him leave, but... no.

Of course not.

"Right, ya are handlin' fine. Kid, ya know a shit 'bout what it means to be a wolf, if ya don't even know with whom you should align and from whom you should keep away. Ya don't even know how to turn properly," Ray argues.

"... Well, I still have a lifetime to figure this out, don't I?" Josh snorts.

"But you could learn it from me. It'd make it easier for ya, trust me," Ray tells him, his eyes now almost pleading.

"Why would I trust you? Up until now you just seem to stalk me, okay?" Josh huffs.

"Hey, ya don't own the woods, do ya? I turned also," Ray replies.

"... doesn't matter. Ray, I don't need your help, okay?" Josh tells him defensively.

"Hey, doesn't have to be right now, but, towards the change, is good to be 'round our kind, really. For wolves it's good to be with'em, makes the transformation easier. Believe me. It's just an offer. Just think 'bout it," Ray argues.

"No, thank you," Josh tells him, narrowing his eyes at the other man. "The only thing I'm going to do is to go home, _without_ you, open a bottle of vodka, empty it, start a new one, empty it, and then hopefully be so much out of it that I don't remember any of this."

"Hey, vodka's fine," Ray jokes, but Josh is having none of it, _"Without_ you. This was no invitation, this was a way to tell you to go away, Ray, so please."

Please, please, just please. Why doesn't he just go away? Why doesn't he listen, for goodness sake!?

"Oh, c'mon," Ray throws up his hands in surrender, but that is when the vampire intercepts, "Okay man, I think Josh's made himself clear. How 'bout you lay off, huh?"

"I'm not talking to you," Ray snarls, seemingly thinking that this threat will somehow work on him, but Aidan is not in the least wavered by that man's presence, so he confidently takes another step towards him, "But I'm talking to you. And now we both want you to leave us the hell alone."

"Just sayin', think 'bout it. Our kind has to stick together," Ray says, turning back to Josh, who is busily rubbing his arms with his palms against the sensation of needles poking into his skin. Aidan just needs one god look at Josh to know that he is close to a mental breakdown, so the vampire intervenes another time, stepping between Josh and Ray, blocking his view.

"But your kind doesn't want to stick with you for now, so you better get going," Aidan smirks viciously. "Bye-bye, Ray."

Ray mutters some more incoherent curses to himself before he begrudgingly makes his way past them and away. Josh releases a breath he must have held in ages, leaning forward, both hands on his knees.

He just feels so weak, so helpless in such situations. He doesn't know what to say to make him take off. No, he needs Aidan to fix it for him... but that's what friends are for, right?

_Right?_

"... I kinda start to get the idea here," Aidan grimaces as he turns back around to Josh, who just manages a throaty huff, "Oh really?"

"So if you go on how I overreact, I will smack you," Josh grumbles.

"No... it's definitely a situation," Aidan agrees.

"Great," Josh cries out, throwing his hands in the air. "At least I have confirmation now that my life is beyond screwed up! And that my stalker is not one of the friendly type! Let us rejoice!"

"Let's just go home," Aidan sighs.

The only remedy he knows always works with Josh.

Bring him home, to the safe haven – then he is soon good again.

"For once I want to just walk home without weird things happening! Is that really asked too much?!" Josh whines. The vampire pats him on the shoulder lightly to push him forward so that he starts moving, "Just walk on."

Josh mutters incoherent curses to himself as he proceeds. Aidan slings his arm around Josh's shoulder to offer a bit of assurance once again, but that is pretty much a lost cause. Once Josh starts fussing, then he fusses. Together, they make their way back to the house.

"Hey, guys. You're late," Sally greets them.

"We ran into Ray," Aidan tells her simply as he takes off his jacket. Sally frowns, so Josh translates, "My douche-bag werewolf-stalker. Honestly, _this_ is hell!"

"What did he want? Did he try to like... nah, molest you or...?" Sally asks with a disgusted grimace, to which Josh cries out in a high-pitched voice, "What?! Gosh, Sally! No! Oh my God, you didn't just say that, did you?!"

Does he really have "weak loser" written on his forehead or what's the matter?

"Hey, you say you have a stalker, I mean...," Sally replies meekly.

"And you think I let someone molest me?!" Josh curses, his voice incredibly high for a guy.

"Well, if it's a bulky guy, you know... you are kinda frail... in some places...," Sally shrugs innocently.

"Let's not talk about the possibility that Josh might be violated by another werewolf, shall we?" Aidan intervenes. No, that is nothing he wants to picture, and surely nothing Josh wants to have inside his head either.

"I think I'm gonna be sick!" Josh brings out, holding his stomach.

"Please use the restroom, though," Aidan snorts. Though he really hopes that Josh won't get sick. The poor devil has enough trouble.

"God, I can't even believe it! Why can't he just shut the hell up about trying to teach me! As though he was some kinda Obi-Wan-Wolf!" Josh cries out, continuing to nervously rub his arms.

"... and you're against that... _because?"_ Sally frowns, to which Josh almost breaks out, "How would I _not_ be against it?!"

"Well, I was just thinking that maybe he could... teach you... be your... Obi-Wan?" Sally shrugs. Josh blinks at her like a fish out of the water.

"You can't be serious," Josh throws up his hands in the air in exasperation.

"Even if I don't like this guy, she does have a point," Aidan argues, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Not you, too," Josh whines. He hoped that at least Aidan would now finally understand why he doesn't want to have anything to do with this person.

"Josh, look. You have to see that as for werewolves, you are in a very unique and bad situation...," Aidan begins, to which Josh rewards him with the best of bitch-faces.

Being a wolf is by definition a bad situation, thanks for pointing out the obvious, Mr. Waite.

The vampire holds up his hands defensively, "It's not about being a werewolf itself. It's about the fact that your alpha left you behind after he turned you, thus didn't teach you how. But Ray might be a good option to get... the information needed for you to have it... easier."

That is a conversation Aidan knows he has pushed away for a longer time now. Especially after Cara's death, it was a tough struggle to find their way back to normal, but now they have a situation, so Aidan has to be that straight with Josh.

That his alpha left him is something that brings clear disadvantages for Josh. He doesn't know how. Of course he is by no means stupid, but there are just things Josh doesn't know, things even Aidan can't teach him. The vampire only knows the most basic things. He knows that wolves turn on the full moon, he knows what they look like. How you can kill them. That they are strong. How they are brought into this world. But after that... it's getting thin.

Aidan wants to help Josh being human, but for their kind of human, they have to help each other live with their curses, and somehow manage to incorporate them into their daily schedule. Yet, Josh persistently tries to push _his_ curse away, despite Aidan's efforts, really, to make the werewolf's curse normal as well. Josh is Aidan's sober companion, and Aidan tries to pay that back by being his wolf companion, pretty much, but beyond a certain level, the vampire just can't help Josh. Because he doesn't know either what it means to be a wolf.

… Just why does this sound familiar?

"I don't want to have to do with any of this for the other time of the month in which I'm still human_-ish._ I just wanna get over it for that one night, and then try to be my share of human again," Josh shakes his head.

"... we already talked about it that you have to come to terms with your wolf-hood, Josh. There is no point in denying that this what you are," Aidan argues.

"I don't _deny_ it! The hell, I wish I could, but then full moon comes and I howl to it as my entire body throws itself up in the form of that fuzzy something that mauls deer for a snack. I can't deny that this is what I am and I don't even try to, but I don't want to waste any more time of my life on it than absolutely necessary. One night a month is enough. That is time I never get back, so I want to at least savior the rest of my time," Josh retorts.

"Okay, I see, you are agitated now. But maybe you should, in a calm moment, think about whether it might be good to actually think about the wolf some to gain more control. It doesn't have to be Ray, but maybe some other werwolf," Aidan suggests, holding up his hands. Josh hovers into the kitchen and gets out the bottle of vodka, clutching on to it like a baby holds on to its teddy bear.

"You'll seriously drink all that?" Aidan makes a face.

"Just as much as it takes for me to pass out and forget all this, as I said. I have no shift tomorrow, means I'm good to getting drunk my ass," Josh grumbles.

"Fine, but if you drink so much that you get sick...," Aidan warns him, to which the werewolf only takes a swig, "I won't, thanks, mom."

If everyone is treating him like a child already, then he might just as well give them a reason. The young man makes his way upstairs.

"That was... _disturbing,"_ Sally knits her eyebrows once Josh is out of eavesdrop.

"Tell me about it," Aidan snorts.

"You meant what you said, right? With Ray?" Sally asks. Aidan flops down on the couch, "I get it why he doesn't want to, but... it's the wolf's nature to be around a pack, or at least to have an alpha for guidance. It is a very special kind of relationship, much like we have it... but... I've never heard of an alpha turning someone and then neglecting his new son, completely. I mean, of course it can happen that they die or that they go separate ways, but normally the alphas stick around in the initial time. As an alpha, it's just your responsibility, I guess."

"So you think he should go for it?" the ghost tilts her head.

"I say I support him if he does," Aidan replies.

"Good point," Sally agrees. That might be the best of options. They stay neutral, like Switzerland.

"What about you?" Aidan asks softly.

"I don't like to, well, share, Josh with someone," Sally shrugs, pulling on her clothes.

"What?" Aidan makes a face.

"He's like this OCD-stricken, psychotic, adorable werewolf-puppy-brother I never had. Plus, I am like that with friends. I don't wanna share them with anyone. I'm quite possessive," Sally shrugs.

Okay, she knows how it's like to have a brother, but Josh really grew on her over the time they now spent together. At first it was tough, until they talked about it. But since then, their relationship really grew and most of the quirks she found annoying before are now adorable in her eyes.

Those two guys, strangely, gave her existence a purpose again.

And that is enough for her to turn protective of either one.

That's how love works... at times.

"Good to know," Aidan makes a face.

"Well, from the description, this guy doesn't seem to be the FurReal Friends type, but... if it helps Josh, you know... it's okay... he's trying so hard," Sally sighs.

"Yeah, he is," Aidan nods. He still finds it astonishing that Josh manages to pull himself back up, after some moping and crying. At some point the vampire even gets the feeling that Josh is trying harder than him. Maybe because he has so much "awkward" to get out of the way before he can even stand up again, but the werewolf is really giving his best. He buys new decoration, furniture, all those unnecessary things that actually seem to make a difference between a house and a home. At work, Aidan is impressed to the day with just how much passion Josh fulfills his duties, especially when dealing with patients. For someone who is so skeptical of life, Josh manages to spark hope in places without lighter.

Just that _he_ doesn't seem to see it.

"Did you hear from Rebecca yet?" Sally asks suddenly, pulling Aidan out of his musing, forcing him to make a face. That has been an ongoing debate between him and her. Sally thinks he is spending too much time with her. Aidan _doesn't_ think so.

A while back, Rebecca showed up on his doorsteps, seeking his help. At first, Aidan just wanted to close the door right in her face. He really wanted to. Because she killed Cara, played with him – and because she threatened and hurt Josh. the vampire saw the bruises. Aidan doesn't take that kindly, Marcus being a living example. However, she went on to talk about how she is just trying to accustom to this mess of a life, afterlife. That she doesn't know where to turn to come clean – because Bishop obviously won't offer any support in that department. She wants to come clean, and not be a ruthless killer without mercy, she said.

And that is when he... gave in, _maybe._ However, the way he sees it, he just does what he was supposed to do after all. He killed her, which made it possible for her to be turned.

In that sense, he is her alpha, just not by blood. And an alpha has such responsibilities, no matter what species now.

It's as Rebecca said, if not for him, she wouldn't be in that situation. She would still live her life, be happy, but now she is stuck in his darkness. And that, sadly, makes it his business. If she can quit, he can quit, too, and vice versa, right?

Maybe another sober companion is not that much of a bad idea after all. At least Rebecca is now willing to try.

Aidan has to protect her.

Nevertheless, he is aware that neither Sally nor Josh are pleased with his decision, especially since it requires a lot of Aidan's time... and blood deposits. Sadly, she is now on cold turkey, and that means she mostly tosses things around, if she doesn't throw the blood bags against the walls in her tantrum. However, Aidan is still firm in his devotion to fix things. He wants to fix... everything, as far away as it may seem, but Aidan thinks he can. He is better now, no longer shaky hands. Rebecca is back and he can help to fix her... and with Josh... it might be that Ray is the kind of help that is needed to fix Josh also.

With Sally... Aidan doesn't know how to fix that yet, but he figures that maybe she just needs a bit more time to adjust to her situation. She has to find her peace, and that only works if she learns to let go, even of the love of her life. That just seems to be her curse. However, the other two things – Aidan knows he can do it. He just needs time.

"Just saying," Sally says, holding up her hands defensively.

"Thin ice. There are just things you don't understand yet, or ever," Aidan grits his teeth, trying to contain his anger.

"I understand that she is totally clingy," Sally shrugs. Aidan spends less time at home with each day passing, at least that is her feeling.

"Sally, stop," Aidan warns her.

"You know what this is called? Co-dependency," Sally argues. "And I tell you, it's not healthy."

"You know what this here is called?" Aidan copies her tone, before going on in a low voice. "None of your business, even with one semester of psychology at college."

"You just can't admit the truth," Sally shrugs.

"Ah, but _you_ can?" the vampire snorts.

"Whatever, Aidan," Sally grumbles, well-aware that Aidan hints at her not being past Danny, though he is obviously interested in Bridget now.

"I don't mean to be nasty, but this is between Rebecca and I," Aidan tells her, now in a softer tone.

"As I said, I don't think this does you any good, but fine, if that is what you want, then this is what you want. But don't say I didn't warn you," Sally raises a finger at him.

"Noted," he huffs. As if on cue, his phone beeps.

_Really?!_

"That's her, isn't it?" Sally grins. Aidan gets up, "I'll be back later. You have an eye on Josh for me?"

"I will break the glass if he drinks too much," Sally shrugs.

"Let's hope he knows his own limits, would be a pity for the booze. Was expensive enough," Aidan grimaces.

"Aye-aye," Sally makes a mock-salute.

With that Aidan heads out, even if he is feeling uneasy about leaving Josh after this kind of revelation, but Rebecca needs him right now, too.

She might need him even more, right?

Rebecca doesn't have anyone except for Aidan. Josh has still Sally to keep him company. So what can happen, right?

Fixing things is really not an easy task.

It's damn hard work.

Because you always have to choose at some point, to fully devote yourself.

Aidan just hopes that the part he now leaves in the dark won't get lost too far while he is gone.

But his heart is with them both.

That should be enough.

… _right?_


	8. Who to Protect?

Author's Note: Hello, everyone! Thanks for looking into my story, or carrying on with it!

Hereby the second part to this arc. It will take up some more space, because, as already mentioned, I twist those two episodes the way I want and need them.

As always, reviews are welcome and very much appeciated.

Read, review, and hopefully enjoy ;)

* * *

A few days later, Josh is sitting at a bar, nursing his beer in one of the lone corners.

He just doesn't know what to do anymore. Ever since the encounter with Ray, Josh starts to call everything into question that he believed was set into stone.

He thought that his home would be something no one could rip away from him, but seemingly it only takes a mauled deer and a guy with douche-bag-clothes to throw you off any ladder you manged to climb the first rungs of.

And sadly, Aidan is not of much help lately, not that the werewolf blames him. Rebecca needs him. Even though Josh is not at all delighted to have her back around after what she did to Cara, the younger man understands that Aidan is, well, trying to fix things. He set her "transformation" into motion. He is just trying to protect her from Bishop and from becoming a sadistic vampire like Marcus is one. Aidan wants to protect someone, and Josh gets that. He wants the same.

He would love to protect everyone, to be perfectly honest.

Josh was and is protective of his sister. He was protective of his family, his fiancée. And he even finds himself protective of both his roommates. He wants to help them, but often just ends up to be the pathetic one in the middle, who mopes about how much his life sucks, and not taking the initiative. Because, let's face it. Sally has to deal with being dead, literally, and being stuck to watch life pass her by. And Aidan has to fight his own cravings while keeping Rebecca clean. And Josh? Josh might have this werewolf-stalker, but the more he thinks about it, the more selfish he feels for neglecting... a _chance..._ of fixing his own mess, so that he doesn't bother the others anymore.

Aidan at least tries to fix his, something that Josh finds himself almost incapable to do, because the mere thought of his wolf, or this certain other wolf, gives him goosebumps, sending little electric impulses right to his pain so that he cringes.

Maybe he is even a bit jealous, of Aidan. Not that Josh would ever admit that out loud to the vampire. Because he surely doesn't envy him for his curse, but... Aidan has a goal now, and that with someone who shares his curse. Josh can't imagine that Ray and he share the same goals. That guy seems to enjoy himself as a wolf too much to bother about humanity.

And that means, once again, Josh is sitting alone in that tiny boat.

Sometimes he really wished he was a bit more like Aidan. He wants something, he sets his mind on it, and gets it. He wants to help Rebecca, so he does it. He jumped off the wagon, he hops back on.

And Josh?

Moping. Brooding. Repeat the process.

The problem for the werewolf is also that he fears that he loses his last bit of protection, now with Aidan less and less around to push those dark thoughts away. Home feels much emptier, now that Sally can transport. So she often ends up with Danny and Bridget because the poor ghost can't stop thinking about it. Again, not that Josh blames her. He sneaks peeks at his objects of desire, too, rather from a distance than from close up. So that means, he often sits alone at home.

Just like it was in his old apartment, his old little life-like existence. Before he started to drown himself in work and a kind of purpose again. He counted cracks on the wall, cried in bed, bought cheap toasters without proper security. Googled bridges in Boston.

It doesn't feel like home anymore. Someone once said that the people in it make it home – and that realization turns somewhat sickening when all people you care about are just... elsewhere, go on, move, while you trod behind, or rather, run circles. Because you just don't know how.

And because you're too damn proud to ask them for help.

Aidan does enough for him, after all. Josh doesn't want to bother him anymore than he did or does anyways. Aidan saved him. That means he is ahead by far.

So now, Joshis sitting alone at a bar, being sorry for himself, thinking about Sally, about Aidan... and Ray. That seems to be just it.

Josh can just escape, run away.

Protect someone else?

Forget about it.

Protect himself?

What the hell are you thinking, little wolf?

Josh wants something, wants to hold it tight, but then holds his hands to his chest, glances at it sideways, and then runs for cover.

_Useless condition_.

That still goes through Josh's mind, even if Aidan meant it as a joke, it is sadly... true.

He is no wolf, no real one. He is... what Sally says, a "puppy".

But even puppies want to protect their family, or don't they?

"Knew I'd see ya 'round here some time," a familiar voice rings out, once again. Josh almost spills his beer as he is ripped out of his thoughts back into reality... where Ray is standing in front of him once again.

Well, isn't destiny a funny bitch?

"Hey, no offense. This is a public place, right?" Ray grimaces, holding up his hands in defense.

"Yeah, no, is a free country. You can take your beer in whichever pub you want," Josh snorts.

Sadly, he had to go with this pub. From all the bars in town, Josh chooses the one where Ray would show up.

_Of course_.

"May I?" Ray motions at the seat next to Josh.

"What?" the younger man blinks at him, stunned. "Ugh, yeah, why not...? Or rather... no, don't answer that... it's okay for now."

Ray smirks as he sits down, looking almost _triumphant,_ or is it? Josh can't tell. He can't read that person's facial expressions, can't read this guy at all. Whenever he looks at him, he sees a kind of darkness in his grey eyes, but then... the man is just fog again.

But why does Josh feel such a strange kind of familiarity in his heart?

He runs a hand over his chest absently.

"So, how's it going?" Ray asks casually, taking another sip from his beer.

"You know, the usual troubles," Josh shrugs.

Losing his head.

Losing home.

Losing himself.

He's great. Thanks for asking.

"So, did you think about it?" Ray questions, now with a hint of enthusiasm in his voice.

"... about what?" the younger man makes a face.

"About my offer?" Ray asks, lowering his voice a bit.

"More than I wanted to, like... ever," Josh admits.

Why did he ever invite Ray to sit with him?

Oh yeah, because Josh is no longer supposed to be a lone wolf.

Because he has to start fixing his own messes.

"I see," Ray nods.

"Well, but maybe... and _just_ maybe... we've just had some kinda rough start on this, right? I mean... ugh, maybe we can just... talk?" Josh suggests, honestly surprised by his own initiative.

"That's the spirit I've hoped for," Ray grins, flashing his teeth at him.

"Okay," Josh nods uncertainly, suddenly feeling like a child again.

"Alright, so is there something ya'd like to know 'bout it?" Ray asks casually.

"... how were you... turned?" Josh asks. Maybe he will feel more comfortable once he got to know Ray, right? With Aidan it worked, too. They talked, and that reduced his anxiety.

Talking always helps him, but with no one home... no help there, but maybe this can soothe him in some way, too?

"Huntin' trip gone sideways, pretty much," the older man explains.

"For how long are you, you know?" Josh questions.

"Ugh, ten years, round about," Ray shrugs.

Ten years.

Josh is by year two now and still thinks about those tempting bridges, in the back of the head, even if those images become blurry by the edges now that some light falls into that darkness.

"Shit," Josh mutters.

"I'm fine with it," Ray shrugs nonchalantly.

"You are?" Josh blinks at him. Who would seriously be fine with that?!

"We're stronger, you know. Superior," Ray tells him, his voice suddenly gaining more strength also.

"I don't see it like that," Josh argues.

No, they are weak. Fine, they have a strong body, but they are by no means superior. They are just a bunch of wild animals out for blood, out for meat, things that don't know mercy. They kill themselves on every full moon.

And isn't that truly weak? When you can't even protect your little sister from yourself?

"Ya should. We are enhanced species, kid. More durability, greater strength, we're smarter, faster...," Ray argues, a flicker in his eyes. He motions closer, "We can take on five fangs at a time, if not more, and bite their friggin' heads off if we're into it enough."

"I don't want that," Josh argues.

"Why? I mean, fine, ya have your buddy there. But the others? They're just scum," Ray argues.

"Doesn't give us the right to destroy them," shakes his head.

He really should have just gotten a beer from his own fridge. Within his home.

Why did he leave his refuge again?!

"But they take it to destroy us," Ray retorts.

"I don't believe in the eye for an eye philosophy," Josh tells him. He never saw anything in it, and he stopped completely now that he is with Aidan. Josh knows that the vampire did shady things in the past, even if he doesn't know _what_ that is. However, if he believed in the eye for an eye, it would mean that Aidan would maybe have to die for the people he killed.

And Josh doesn't want Aidan to die.

He needs his best friend around.

"So what? You never felt the urge to get back at those bastards?" Ray argues.

"... even if I did, it wouldn't be justified," Josh shakes his head.

"So no fang's ever laid hand on ya? Then ya are luckier than I thought," Ray snorts.

"I got my fair share, but... I'm past that," Josh admits.

"Who?" the older man asks, or rather... _demands_. Why is that guy suddenly so agitated? It's not like this is anything to him, right? Why should he care?

And why does he seem so protective, all of a sudden?

"Some from around here. That guy is a bastard... _fang..._ or not," Josh explains.

"That guy's still breathing?" Ray grumbles.

"What? Yes, of course. Well, okay, they are technically not breathing, but... you know, he's still roaming around," Josh grimaces.

"What did he do to you?" the older werewolf asks, no, again, demands. Just the way Josh demanded from Em to tell him who dared to bully her.

"Just beat me up with his friend. Thanks to that encounter I met, Aidan, though. So... ugh... I see the good in it," Josh shrugs.

And that is the truth. If not for... that beat-up, Josh never would have met Aidan. He would still look at hope through a murky window just to see light reflected in another.

"Dontcha have any pride, man? That guy beats ya up and ya just let him walk away with that, no you let him walk with that every single day?" Ray argues.

"Well, yeah. I don't see a problem in this," Josh shrugs.

Even if Josh worries about being unable to protect others, he couldn't care less about "pride" or "honor". Someone who dies proud... is still dead.

"Problem is that this guy might come after ya again and again," Ray tells him, suddenly upset.

"He won't," Josh assures him.

"Ya think that your buddy can protect you from that?" Ray grimaces.

"They are brothers, and Aidan's the big brother, so to speak. So he has some say," Josh replies, though he frowns at himself once the words travel past his lips.

Why is Aidan seemingly always the one to... protect him? Fight his fights?

Shouldn't he fight his own?

"No offense, but that's retarded," Ray snorts.

"... Okay, let's act like this was not offensive," Josh huffs. That guy is plainly rude.

"Lemme explain. Even if I don't trust your dear Aidan, coz he's a fang, but fine, let's take it that he's reliable and wants to protect ya. Fine," Ray says, to which Josh nods, "Yeah."

"... how much of blind faith do you put into him, huh? Even if he's trying all he wants... You really think he has it that much under control? I guess you've seen fangs on rampage already. They're like us on a full moon, no control, just basic instinct, black eyes, fangs and bloodthirst. If the little brother feels like messin' with ya, be sure he'll do it, and he'll get around your dear Aidan. They are sneaky bastards," Ray warns him.

"I can protect myself," Josh huffs.

Or can he?

Past has proven that he can't, right?

"Seemingly not if you rely solely on a fang for help. Ya are right in the danger zone, ya see? By being so close to the fang," Ray argues.

"I will not discuss my friendship with Aidan with you, Ray," Josh tells him sternly. No, there is no way that constant will be shaken, not even by Ray, especially not by Ray. Aidan is the one who brought him out of his own trip to damnation so that he started to embrace life again, or something that is at least life-like. If not for Aidan, Josh would probably be in the streets or in some shabby hotel, trying to kill himself in the bathtub with a toaster. Vampire or not, Aidan is his friend, even though he is not much around lately, but that's beside the point, right?

Aidan set his Stone One, and Josh built on it.

That's all that matters.

All that _should_ matter.

"Hey, I'm just sayin' that maybe you have to consider, ya know," Ray holds up his hands.

"Let's change the subject right now," Josh grimaces. "Or else this conversation is over before it even started."

"Fine, if that's what you want," Ray shrugs.

"So... how do you handle, with, with... everything, life?" Josh grimaces.

"I've got some techniques. I can show you," Ray suggests, his eyes flickering with almost childish enthusiasm. Josh finds himself smirking at the idea.

Maybe Ray really just wants to help?

"I don't know, I'll have to think about it," Josh shrugs. He is skeptical by nature, so he won't just bite.

The only time he did... was with Aidan.

"It'd do you good, believe me. Maybe you'd have enough guts to go against the little brother, then," Ray suggests, but that only gets Josh to reconsider. "What now? You really think I should just... I should just go ahead to the den and beat the living shit outta that guy, for something that I don't even think about anymore?!"

"It'd come as a surprise," Ray snickers.

"That is not the right thing to do," Josh shakes his head.

"Well, you see, what he did wasn't either. And for us... everything's shady these days. We are shady by nature. We exist between the lines," Ray shrugs. And that couldn't be truer, sadly.

"I see that, too, but that doesn't give me the right to just go after him, to go after anyone. Maybe we live between the lines, but that doesn't mean we can just cross them the way we want," Josh argues.

"It's your natural right. It's in us, you see?" Ray argues.

"I don't care for what's my nature," Josh snorts.

"You should, though. Nature tells you what's good and bad for you, kid. And I tell you, it's unnatural what you have with Aidan, no offense, but it's never happened before that those two species teamed up. We just don't. They hate our smell, we hate theirs, we literally can't smell each other. We are both predators operating in the same niche. You know that from biology class, don't you?" Ray questions.

"If two conflicting species seek the resources of the same niche, they will fight over it. This results either in one being cast out to seek other resources and therefore find a new niche, or... extinction of the inferior species," Josh sighs.

"Exactly. Obviously no side's won yet, but we're fightin'. Over centuries now. That's just what we do. We want to keep the niche," Ray smirks.

"But... wolves go after different stuff than do vampires. We...," Josh argues, moving closer. "We snack a deer, vampires suck someone dry if they don't have it under control. We don't have the same niche."

"Fangs turn humans. So do werewolves. We _do_ operate in the same niche," Ray argues.

"Aidan's not like that," Josh tells him sternly. They live in the same niche in harmonic coexistence.

Screw biology class.

"And ya know that guy... for how long? A few months? At tops? How well do ya really know him? Think about it," Ray shrugs.

"Better than you, that's for sure," Josh narrows his eyes at him, even though...

Doesn't he have a point, a small one? Josh only knows Aidan in a short while, but his faith in him is almost endless. He relies on him blindly to help him, which is of course selfish, but at the same time... Can you really trust someone who lived for so long when you only know him for a time that is no more than a blink of the eye for him?

"Point taken," Ray grins.

"I know what I have to know. I know his character," Josh argues, to strengthen his belief again. "He's fighting for the same thing I fight for. We have the same goal. That's all I have to know."

_Well..._ at least that is what Josh calls to mind ever so often these days. Because Aidan is aloof to help Rebecca that he barely gets to see the vampire. And the fact that he sees Rebecca only underlines that Aidan jumped off the wagon not long ago.

Maybe he doesn't know him too well after all.

Josh shakes his head, no. Aidan is his friend. Ray is just screwing with him. Maybe it is the beer.

Or his foul mood.

"Knowing a person's goal is one thing, learning about the means to get there is another," Ray argues. "Might be that your _fangy_ pal tries damn hard, but it's as you say, he's chasing another demon. And that other demon might take over, and leave you as the one to either pick up the pieces... or simply alone."

"... that is not really encouraging," Josh grimaces, to which Ray shrugs his shoulders, "I would love to paint it in prettier colors, but you gotta see... fighting the fang is another thing than dealing with the beast. That guy's roamed the earth in a long time. You are standing at different points."

"That doesn't mean we can't work towards the same goal," Josh argues. They agreed on that before.

Different curses, same will, same devotion, same goal.

Be normal.

Be human again.

"But don't ya ask yourself why that guy didn't manage to... be what you wanna be... for all those years, huh?" Ray suggests.

"What does it matter?" Josh huffs. "It's as you say, we're fighting different demons. While I have to learn to get a handle on this, Aidan is... he's an addict. And as we know from med school, being addicted cannot be cured. You can always relapse. So it stands to reason that even in all the years he's already around, he didn't manage. Because there is no cure for him."

It's a sickening thought, really. Because Josh is convinced that this is something Aidan is all too well aware of. That there is always this sense of foreboding. He can be fine for days, weeks, years, centuries, but then the cravings come, the temptation, and suddenly... suddenly you are back to where you started. You begin with Step One and work your way back up the ladder. Josh knows that this is the one advantage his curse has over that of a vampire – he is cursed once a month, one night of sheer terror, one night of fear, drenched in blood and carcasses, one night of being anything but human. Vampires have to fight that every single second of the day. Every moment, they have to be ready to fight, ready to resist. So yeah, Aidan is an addict trying to stay clean for the longest time, for as long as he can. That just seems to be the state of affairs.

"All I'm saying is that you'd have better chances to gain control if you were with one of your kind, not with one who doesn't even remotely understand what it means to be a wolf," Ray tells him. "It's not natural for us. It's against our nature."

"And even if it were unnatural to cooperate like that, it might be the better option after all. Share the resources, or better... we help each other's extinction. That's what I'd favor above all," Josh tells Ray, who gapes at him, "Ya seriously mean that?"

"I don't say we should kill each other, but... try not to turn more people's lives into hell by turning them, into either one," Josh shrugs. At least that is the perfect dark world he pictures.

Help each other protect the rest of the world against themselves. Let's just all build one huge cage for all monsters, whatever the kind, to get in, shut the doors, and then let nature do the rest. Sounds like a plan, right?

"... never say that around a pack. They will kill ya," Ray snorts dismissively.

"Well, I don't see why I should wish _that_ upon anybody whom I'm supposed to care about, as I should care about someone I turn, as his or her alpha or whatever," Josh huffs.

No, he never wants to become an alpha.

He doesn't want to curse someone with his curse. He wants to shield the world from himself.

Even if Josh doesn't know how.

"Thing is... fangs don't die of natural causes. That means we'd be extinct, they'd keep existing. And that's giving up," Ray explains.

"What does it matter what _they_ do?" Josh shakes his head.

"You don't want to rival to triumph by the end of the day," Ray snorts.

"That's childish," the younger man huffs.

"Ya know what really is?" Ray retorts. Josh cocks his head, so Ray goes on, "To believe in this dreamland where everyone lives happily ever after. This is not a happy ending story. This is bloody survival of the fittest. And trust me, that is something the fangs have long since understood. They know that and act upon it. Even if you refuse to fight, they will. They will crush you and they will have no trouble with it. So, if your life's any dear to you, you should gather the guts to fight for what's precious to you."

"You don't have to extend the fangs or claws for that reason," Josh argues.

Or do you?

"Only way to really protect what's important to you, believe me. The fang won't make the difference between your, well, nice side and that of any bloody wolf. He'll treat you like a dog and kill ya, slowly. Mark my words," Ray warns him. "You have something you wanna harbor. Well, with keeping your feet down, you won't manage once it gets tough. I've been there. Ya have to protect what's dear to you with claws and teeth."

"But that doesn't mean that I have to go see Marcus and beat him to mush," Josh retorts.

"It might eventually. Ya still have family?" Ray nods at him.

"What? Yeah?" the younger man makes a face. What's it to him?

"Fangs have the greatest networks Ya really think that this Marcus will stop short before your dear family? What if he digs up their whereabouts to turn them, kill them? Hm? Ever crossed your mind?" Ray threatens him.

Josh bites down on his tongue hard enough to feel the coppery taste of blood in his mouth. He never thought about it, but... fuck, it's true. Aidan's said before that they have this huge network. They have them in important functions, why not some office people who can take a look at such data?

What if not Josh himself harms them, but the vampires?

Why didn't he think about that?!

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

"Hey, I don't say you gotta kill the guy. I mean, I personally would, but... if I were ya, I'd make my point clear that I want them to keep their noses out of my business and away from my family... to make sure they never come close to them again," Ray grins. Josh silences at that, bowing his head, fear tugging at his chest. Why does his heart hurt, suddenly?

"Just sayin'...," Ray whispers. He raises his hand for the bartender for the bill. He puts down a few crumpled dollars before he stands up.

"Where are you going?" Josh asks nervously.

"I will make it clear to them that they should fuck off," Ray tells him.

"What? You want to go to the den? Hey, it's not even moon. They will kill you," Josh exclaims.

"As I said, I'm stronger, even without the full moon," Ray grins self-consciously.

"That's suicide," Josh warns him.

"Sure, alone it is, but... that's just the way it works at times," Ray smirks. Josh puts down a few dollars as well before hurrying after him, "Ray, I implore you, you don't wanna mess with these guys."

"Oh, I _so_ wanna," Ray laughs before entering the street.

And so it's the old game of pulling and pulling away. Josh holds on to Ray, tries to cut him off, but Ray just pushes his past him.

And Josh feels bad for admiring this kind of strength. For being jealous of that man's devotion.

They continue to argue until they reach the den.

"Ray, stop. I beg you," Josh pleads him again, actually _pleads_ him, holds him back, but the older wolf is having none of it, "Kid, that I go in there's decided on. Only question is if you're in, too."

He pushes past Josh.

"What?!" Josh gasps. That guy can't be serious.

"I see," Ray sighs, shaking his head, looking disappointed.

Well, Ray, you may have backed the wrong horse.

Josh, so he himself believes, is just one huge disappointment, so you had it coming.

With that Ray walks past him and enters the den. Josh stands there, perplex.

What should he do?

If he walks away, Ray might get killed.

If he walks in, he might get killed, along with Ray.

No matter what, something bad will happen.

However, before Josh can even contemplate on this, his feet, out of instinct, decide to walk. Josh can't even understand what is happening. He can hear the blood rushing inside his head. His muscles tense. He blinks, only to find himself now inside – just to see Ray pummeling with a bunch of vampires, among them Marcus. Once the ginger catches sight of Josh, he smirks at him viciously, "Now look who's decided to join the party! It's Aidan's bitch! Come here, boy! Come here! Such a dirty little mongrel, aren't you?!"

Josh bites down the comment he would like to throw back, but knows better.

He wants to... _protect._.. Ray. Twisted little world.

He can't protect Aidan.

He can't protect Sally.

Or Em.

Or the vandal.

Or himself.

But maybe saving Ray is within his capabilities?

Josh holds up his hands in defense, his heart hammering in his chest, "Hey, I'm not here to fight. Please, Ray doesn't mean it. He's had too many drinks. Marcus, let him go, okay? He's no competition to you anyways."

"Damn straight he ain't. Ever the more reason to make this piece of trash suffer for being so stupid," Marcus snorts.

"Marcus, listen to reason, please," Josh begs him, but that is when Marcus is already jumping him and punches him violently in the stomach. Josh goes to his knees, gasping for air. He suddenly feels snow flakes biting into his skin again, and gravel...

Will Aidan come around the corner now to tell Marcus to lay off?

Get it together, Josh! You can't always ask Aidan to fix you, can you?!

"I should've killed you last time!" Marcus snarls, kicking him again and again.

No, Josh can't protect himself.

He can't protect anyone.

"I don't understand what Aidan sees in you. You're just his dirty little pet, ya know? Just pathetic," Marcus snarls. And even though Josh knows it's just Marcus, those words sting.

Because they are seemingly true.

"Marcus, I don't want to argue with you. I just want to take Ray away from here. C'mon, he's had enough of...," Josh stammers, but that is when Marcus delivers the next blow, punching him in the face this time, sparking stars in front of Josh's eyes.

Still the same game.

He is on the ground, biting back tears, getting bullied.

And Josh seriously thinks and hopes that someone comes to save him.

Just how pathetic is he?

Still just a teenage boy getting bullied.

How on earth would he protect anyone, right?

"Marcus!" Josh yells.

"What now? Will you fight for him? Puppy love, hm? Or will you just run to your master to fix the mess for you? Huh?" Marcus grins.

Why does everyone think that he is weak?

Yes, Josh is Aidan's friend, and yes, he helps him, but Josh also helps Aidan, right?

_Right?!_

He is not _that_ weak.

… wolves are strong, or aren't they?

And... Josh _is_ a wolf.

"Kill him already!" Marcus barks at the other men, nodding at Ray.

Birds of feather flock together, right?

Two weird birds in the same niche. Maybe Josh has to protect his for once, and not allow the other to cast him out?

Josh doesn't know why or how, but somehow he gathers all his strengths and jumps Marcus, pummeling him to the ground. His sight is obscured by flickers of white and grey as he brings down his fists on the man, suddenly feeling strong. Like a stronger dog dominating the smaller one.

Maybe biology is right after all?

Josh beats Marcus so hard that the scatters of blood hit the opposite walls, creating odd patterns.

Splish. Splash.

Who is weak now? Huh? Who is weak now?

Stop it! Stop it!

You are better than that...

Or are you?

There is another way!

But who cares?! It works! It works!

Let it go!

Kill him! Kill him!

Both men struggle for dominance, but eventually, Josh is able to hit Marcus in the temple hard enough to knock the vampire out.

Only now Josh starts to hear sound other than his heart beating in his chest, the dark tendrils still dancing in front of his eyes. Josh staggers to his feet, swallowing hard, tasting more copper, tasting shame, "You can let him go now. I don't want any more trouble unless you want it."

Ray fights them off almost gleefully. Josh takes the older man by the arm and pushes him to the exit with a growl before he turns to the other vampires again.

"You should just keep away from us," Josh stammers at the vampires, though he is not sure if it came out as a warning or plea. His voice was shaking too hard.

Josh rushes after Ray, who is leaning against one of the walls outside, gasping for air, looking like he just won a tournament. And Josh would just love to punch that smile out of his face.

Beat! Beat! Beat!

Those red patterns would look good on that wall also, or wouldn't they?

Josh pulls him by the collar, "What the hell were you jackass thinking?!"

Ray just giggles childishly, so Josh holds on even tighter.

Why does Josh do that?

That's not the way he usually acts...

But maybe he should?!

"What's so funny?! They could have killed us?!" Josh curses.

He could have killed them, too!

That's not funny!

"That was amazing. Didn't think you'd have it in you, but you do," Ray smiles fondly.

"I'm not. I just got you out because you are stupid," Josh snarls, his hands suddenly starting to shake.

He never should have done this.

What was he thinking – or not thinking?!

"Really, I underestimated ya, kid! That was fabulous!" Ray snickers.

"Are you, are you insane?! I didn't want this to happen, I was just trying to save your sorry ass for whatever the reason!" Josh curses.

"Coz I'm one of your kind, Josh. We stick together," Ray tells him.

"I never should've come with you," Josh curses, letting go, tears prickling against the inside of his eyelids.

"But you felt it, didn't you? This satisfaction, huh? It felt good, didn't it? And now be honest to yourself. This guy's beaten ya. And now you got back at him," Ray giggles, his features dark.

"Go to hell, Ray. If this has consequences for me, I'll blame it on you, and then I will turn back to you, you get me?" Josh threatens him. Ray wavers his arms in the air defensively.

"I'm off!" Josh curses, screwing his eyes shut. Ray laughs to himself as he disappears into the shadows he came from, his laughter following him in a cruelly loud, cruelly long echo.

Josh stalks down the streets, his breathing still heavy and hitched, the puffs of air turning into white mist against the cold weather of the night. His chest is aching, his body feels feverish. His knuckles pound to unknown rhythms, loud drums.

Just what the hell did he do? Why did he help Ray?

Because he wanted to protect someone for once?

But if that's the price... is that really worth it?

Will that protect his family now?

Or did he just doom them?

Or his other family?

Josh would like to scream, shout, cry, pull out his hairs, despite all the pain he feels. He wants to be consumed by this pain, wants it to numb him. Wipe away the blood still crusting on his knuckles.

He lost to his dark urges.

To the wolf.

Seemingly, Aidan is not the only addict.

Josh may just have found his own little drug.

Because... no matter how paining the guilt...

Fuck, is this euphoria?


	9. Empty-Handed

Author's Note: Thanks for sticking around^^

Little warning: I do not necessarily keep in canon timeline here, neither in the scenes, as I already pointed out before, because I mix up episode 4 and 5, which means that some things just play out differently – I love artistic license for that ;)

As always, reviews are welcome and very much appreciated.

I hope you'll like it.

Read, review, and hopefully enjoy ;)

* * *

Aidan slowly opens his eyes as dots of light dance before his eyelids. At first he can't see a thing. He feels dazed and warm and cold and... everything... and nothing... Aidan blinks a few more times as the first contours become clear, or rather, it is the pressure against his chest that brings him back to reality.

He is sitting in a... bathtub.

And there is blood, everywhere. On the walls, on the awful curtains, on himself, on... Rebecca, who is the weight he felt against his chest.

Just what the hell was he thinking?

Or not thinking?

One moment he was trying to make Rebecca quit blood by offering her blood bags, the next she was in yet another tantrum, tossing it against the wall, cursing, rambling, screaming.

And more than anything Aidan felt shame and guilt for being the cause of her pain. Because he knows what that feels like, how the need tears you apart.

And then... Aidan can only bring back flashes of memories.

Rebecca, begging him not to go.

Embraces without warmth.

Rebecca, on her knees, kissing his hand.

Suddenly a prickle, a small pain, and then this soothing, all too soothing warmth.

She drank him.

He drank her.

What a trip...

But the thing is... it only holds until sunrise, when the light comes back and sheds truth on the shame the shadows concealed for the night. Darkness is their best friend and toughest foe. It covers their wrongdoings, paints them in the same color as the rest, but by sunrise... darkness proves to be no more than a lie.

Rebecca stirs awake, a soft smirk tugging at her lips, "Morning."

"Hey," Aidan croaks.

"That was amazing," she smiles, snuggling closer against his chest. Aidan holds her a little tighter, "But we won't do that again."

"But why?" she asks, her voice still humming as she comes down from the blood-induced high.

"This only makes it worse, the hunger," Aidan warns her. "I never should've... but doesn't matter. This was a one-time-thing."

"Right...," she snickers.

"I mean it, Rebecca," the vampire insists, but Rebecca is still in bloody heaven. She holds on to him a little tighter, closing her eyes, "Just don't leave me."

Aidan lets a sigh before running his hand over head affectionately.

"I won't," he assures her.

It was just once, right?

* * *

Josh opens the door to their home, his hands still shaking. He spent hours roaming around the streets of Boston, trying to get his head clear, just that after so many hours in the freezing cold, he deemed this project futile, so now he returns to the one refuge he hopes he still has. Josh just wants to lie down on bed and possibly never wake up again, dream of bridges.

The werewolf peels himself out of his jacket, which hurts incredibly much now that the adrenaline left him. Not that he deserves any better after what he allowed Ray to drag him into. Josh sighs as he finally manages to get the awful material off himself and simply flops down on the couch, closing his eyes. Bed shall be damned. However, the moment he does, he sees the red patterns on the wall again, hears the rush in his ears, tastes copper. He opens his eyes again, gasping for air, but that is when suddenly Sally's head hovers above his. Josh yelps helplessly as he bolts up, though his ribs protest against the movement.

"Josh! What the hell happened to you?!" the female ghost cries out at the sight of her friend, all bruised and obviously hurt.

"It's nothing," Josh grits his teeth, trying to control his breathing.

"That is not nothing," Sally argues vehemently.

"... I did something stupid," Josh tells her. "But it's over now."

"What. Happened," Sally asks in a flat voice. No, she won't just leave it be with halfhearted excuses. Sally has to deal with her fiancé moving on without her, moving forward, moving away, ahead of her, but she won't accept that her new friends, her only flash of hope, also move away from her. She can't just let Josh and Aidan pass her by.

"I got into a fight," Josh admits.

"What? _You,_ in a fight?" Sally grimaces. That seems just so outrageous.

"Yeah, it was... well, Ray was there and... things somehow got out of hand," Josh brings out, not knowing what else to say. And that it is about Marcus is something he just needs more time to figure out _how_ to say... God, Aidan will give him hell for this. Because it's just what he accused the vampire of.

Maybe they are not that different after all.

"Oh my goodness," Sally sighs.

"As I said, it's... it was absolutely stupid and I never should have done it, but... but it was Ray... I mean, he was just drunk and that is when he started to fight. I got dragged into it," Josh goes on. Sally throws her hands in the air in exasperation, "That asshole! Now he drags you into stupid things! It's enough that Aidan does it, but now you, too."

"Sally, please," Josh begs. "Could we just... I just wanna forget about it, okay?"

"Do you need hospital?" Sally asks. "Because then you will call Aidan so he drives your sorry ass over to the clinic."

"No!" Josh cries out, his ribs protesting. He holds his stomach against the pain.

"What?" Sally shakes her head. "I know that you're not too much into interrupting Aidan in his Rebecca-frenzy, but if you're hurt, then yes, he will have to play best friend for once and do the chaperone."

"Please, Sally, just leave him out of this. I...," Josh mutters, eyes wide. "I don't need hospital. And I ask you not to tell him."

"Why. Not," Sally demands.

"Look, I will tell him, but I want to tell him myself," Josh argues honestly. He knows he won't come around this, but he would rather tell Aidan in person than have Sally snitching on him. That only makes it worse. If Aidan is supposed to hear it from anyone, it has to be him. "Please, Sally."

"Fine," she holds up her hands once she sees the sheer desperation in his eyes. "Okay, it can wait, but no later than tomorrow. Because then I will tell him so that he roasts your ass."

Josh nods frantically. He knows that is the best deal he will get when it comes to Sally. "Thank you."

"I think you should better get some rest, then," Sally advises him, her voice softening. "We have some peas in the fridge, right? You know, for the... bruises?"

Josh flashes a smirk at her before he gets up to grab the peas to press against his side. He lets out a hiss, but then finds its cooling effect ever the soothing.

Though he doesn't deserve it.

Josh drags his feet back into the living room to settle back down on the couch, drawing his knees up, facing towards the backrest of the couch. Sally watches him as the werewolf drifts off into restless sleep worriedly, but then pops out of the room, granting him that bit of privacy.

…

The next day, Josh is at work. Not that he is actually paying much attention to what he does. Ever since he woke up, the werewolf is trying to figure out how to tell Aidan about what he did to Marcus. He even found himself practicing in front of the mirror. Josh sees that he has to tell him. He can't accuse Aidan for keeping secrets and then do the same, or can he?

However, Josh's anxiety fades away with every hour passing in which Aidan just... doesn't show up. And that even though he knows that the vampire should be on the same shift with him. Really, only Josh pulls something stupid, and actually wants to come clean about it – just that the person he wants to confess to is... not there.

So now he finds himself in the locker rooms after one of the patients decided to throw up all over his shirt. That is the great thing about destiny – it gets right back at you when you make just one wrong step and throws it right up in your face.

After cleaning himself up, he walks to his locker to get a new shirt when suddenly Sally pops in next to him, making him jump.

"God, Sally! Seriously?! Guys' locker room?!" he cries out, hastily putting on the shirt.

"It's not like anyone is going to see me," she snorts. "And it's not like this is nothing I haven't seen yet."

"What are you doing here?" he asks.

"Just making sure that you don't chicken out," Sally tells him. "So? How did Aidan take it?"

"He didn't take it at all, because for that he'd require to be present," Josh huffs, unable to hide his disappointment.

"I thought you were supposed to work together today," Sally makes a face.

"Right, _supposed_ to," Josh shrugs.

As if on cue, this is the moment Aidan decides to walk in, still in his casual wear.

"Hey!" he greets them, putting on a crooked smile. He didn't want to skip shift, it's just that Rebecca was pretty much out of it after their private blood feast, so he decided to make sure that she was okay before heading out.

However, once he catches sight of Sally standing beside Josh with arms crossed over her chest, he can't help the frown, "What are you doing here, Sally?!"

"Is that you, Aidan?" Sally narrows her eyes, lifting her head above her head in the way people do to see something in the distance.

"What?" the vampire makes a face.

"Well, I hardly recognize you anymore, after you spent so much time elsewhere, Rebecca-where," Sally snorts.

"Och, whatever," Aidan grunts. Not that again.

"Well, you tell me, you don't know what Josh has been up to lately, have you?" Sally cocks an eyebrow at him. Josh would love to nudge her in the side, really, if only he could.

"Sally!" he cries out, his face still to her.

"... what have you been up to?" Aidan asks as he comes closer, furrowing his eyebrows. That is when Josh turns to face him. Aidan can see the bruises and cuts on his face... and his knuckles are a mess of bruises and chaps.

"Seriously, what have you been up to?" Aidan blinks at him as he takes his seat next to the werewolf.

"My point!" Sally sighs.

Just what the hell did Josh do in one night that Aidan spends elsewhere to end up as such a mess? He takes Josh's hand tentatively to inspect it, but the werewolf snaps his arm away.

"Okay, so could we calm down a bit?" Josh grumbles.

"I'm totally Zen," Sally makes a meditation pose.

"_Right_...," Josh huffs.

"Did you have that checked out?" Aidan asks with concern in his voice, nodding at his knuckles, fighting any urge not to just take the hand again to make sure for himself.

"It's fine, just bruised," Josh grimaces.

"Why are you bruised, though?" Aidan questions.

"Okay, so... ugh, I did something stupid, or well, Ray did and I just got dragged into it," Josh begins, biting his lower lip. That is not exactly how he had pictured it.

"What? Ray? I thought he was gone?" Aidan grimaces.

"I met him at the bar last night," Josh admits.

"What?!" Aidan blinks at him.

"We talked and... well, he... he was being far nicer than last time. Well, and he got pretty drunk, so, ugh... he was not acting very reasonable... and then he just had to start this fight... and I...," Josh fidgets for the words, but that is when Aidan flips out, "You seriously help him when he starts a fight?!"

"He was outnumbered and it was very dangerous because...," Josh means to explain, and actually say it is about Marcus and his gang, but Aidan just interrupts him again, "Are you out of your mind?! Getting injured like that for what you say is just a weird werewolf stalker?! Where did you leave your brains that night, for goodness' sake!?"

"If you would listen for a second, then...," Josh tries again, but Aidan cuts him off, "Was there police or so?"

"No, but the thing is that...," Josh grunts, his anger flaring. Okay, this is actually worse. Having to come clean to Aidan is one thing, but not getting a proper chance to explain the whole story is even worse.

"Well, okay, I give you that much, Ray really seems to be no good company, so you should really keep away from him," Aidan sighs. "That just proved it."

"Excuse me?" Josh shakes his head. Even if he sees it the same way doesn't give the vampire the right to tell him with whom to hang around with. After all, Josh doesn't say anything much about him seeing Rebecca either – and she killed Cara, let's not forget that.

"What? I just said that...," Aidan means to say, but this time Josh cuts him off, "I know that I messed up by allowing myself to get dragged into that fight, but you don't get to tell me who I meet or not, Aidan."

"Oh, please, now don't be ridiculous," Aidan rolls his eyes.

"It's not ridiculous! I'm coming to you as my friend to tell you about this and you...," Josh grits his teeth, rising from his seat.

"I _what?_ Seriously, if you get yourself into such trouble, be smart enough to call me," Aidan huffs.

"Okay, now you're really being ridiculous! How on earth would I call you when you are over at Rebecca with your phone on silent alarm?! Even if I had dangled from some bridge, you wouldn't have picked up the phone!" Josh curses. At this point, it's not even about what he did or what Aidan did or didn't do, it's about this here – how he acts as the mighty vampire again, the know-it-all-and-better. Josh is not willing to be that man's inferior.

Because, apparently, Aidan can't fix everything.

"C'mon!" Aidan cries out. Josh can't be serious, can he? Now he is the one who did something – and Aidan still gets the whole nine yards?

Aidan doesn't think so.

"What? You don't show up all morning when I wanted to talk to you first chance I got – because you are busy elsewhere, whatever it is that you're doing," Josh snorts.

"You don't want to pick that fight with me, Josh," Aidan shakes his head.

"Right, I don't want to," Josh retorts. "I gotta get back to work."

"Seriously? You start a fight and then you just walk away before we finish?" Aidan curses after him.

"Yeah, right! I just always run away, Aidan! That's just what I always do! Isn't that problem!?" Josh grits his teeth before practically running out of the locker rooms. Aidan turns to Sally, who silently observed this verbal battle with a grim expression, "What?!"

"Do you even realize when you're acting like a total jerk?" she shakes her head.

"What? This time, _he_ was the one who did something, okay?" Aidan retorts. And he actually thought that Sally would be on his side, if she decides to come to the hospital to push Josh's confession.

"Aidan, it's not about that," Sally argues.

"About what is it then?" Aidan knits his eyebrows.

"That you guys just never get it," she exhales.

"What don't I get?" Aidan snorts.

"That your friend came to you to confess something that kept him up all night and made him bother himself sick all day long – because it was a matter of heart to him to tell you in person... and you don't even give him a chance to explain himself," Sally tells him.

"So you're not mad at him?" he huffs.

"Oh, I'm mad as hell because he got hurt, but I also see that Josh never does anything without a reason. So I ask myself why he ever joined Ray in this fight," Sally replies. "And that's what maybe you should be asking yourself, too."

"For what reason?" Aidan huffs. Sally walks past him, arms crossed over her chest, "To see if you're not already part of the problem."

With that she disperses into thin air, leaving Aidan alone in the locker rooms. He growls some curses to himself before getting changed for the rest of the shift.

* * *

Later the day, Aidan makes his way down the corridors of the hospital, lost in thoughts, as the conversation of two other nurses gets his attention, Betty and Carla, the gossip girls.

"I tell you, I'm not going back into that guy's room," Betty shudders dramatically.

"You can't just refuse," Carla argues.

"I believe in God and Jesus Christ. And this is the work of the devil himself," Betty shakes her head.

"It's simply a medical miracle," the other nurse shrugs. "That happens."

"That guy should've been dead. Carla, the priest's already given his blessings. And the next day, the man's talking and walking again!" Betty tells her. Aidan cocks his eyebrows – what?

"This can happen from time to time," Carla shrugs.

"Even if so. This guy's creepy. He tried to bite one of the staff, did you hear that?!" Betty goes on, to which the other nurse gapes, "No way."

"_Way._ I swear to God if not for one of the orderly's intervening, the guy would have bit off the other man's ear or something," Betty tells her, nodding her head frantically.

That is definitely not good.

"Do they have him sedated now?" Carla questions.

"Carla, if the guy comes back from the dead, you really think a bit of sedation will keep him from going berserk?" the older nurse scolds her.

"You're exaggerating," Carla huffs.

"I'm not," Betty insists.

"If that's what you think," Carla snorts. Aidan walks on.

This can't be, can it?

Suddenly someone bumps into him, "Oh, I apologize."

"Oh, ugh, don't sweat it, I wasn't paying attention," Aidan assures the other person out of routine, but then he looks up to see the priest Carla and Betty just talked about, in sutane with glasses and the calm flooding from his eyes, standing in front of him. If Aidan's heart still beat, it would've stopped at the sight – because the vampire can tell other vampires. And that guy is _so_ a vampire.

"Well, I should head my ways. A blessed day to you, son," the priest smiles at him. With that the man disappears. Aidan stands there, perplex. How did that happen?

Damn, Bishop.

How dare he?! He really puts another vampire in his territory to turn others?! Once he is off shift, Aidan will pay that bastard a visit, that's for sure. As he continues his round down the hallways, he almost bumps into Josh. Before the younger man gets even a chance to say something, Aidan drags him into one of the dressing rooms, hastily shutting the door, "We need to talk, now."

He turns back around to face Josh, and both say simultaneously, "The priest is a vampire."

"... you knew that?!" Aidan gapes at him. Josh blinks at him, "I was there when the resurrected patient tried to bite Frank in the head and had to tear the guy off of him. The only one who's seen him was the new priest in hospital. Means he's the only one who could've turned him."

"How long do you know this?" Aidan demands.

"Uhm, maybe an hour or so?" Josh shrugs, hugging his arms.

"Why didn't you tell me right away?!" Aidan questions, his anger short before flaring again.

"We are on shift, so it's not like I can just sneak away," Josh argues. "Plus, I wanted to make sure that no one came close to the room until he was sedated. And that took some, ugh, five orderlies and Nurse Tina."

"Tina, the Titanic?" Aidan grimaces. She got the nickname because she is the "shot queen": she aims, she shoots, she sinks the syringe, every damn time.

"Yep. She gave him the shot. Really, for a guy his sixties and cancer he's really put up a fight," Josh huffs.

"But you're okay? Or did he hurt you?" Aidan asks, concern bubbling over his anger for once. After all, Josh is not in the best disposition after the fight.

"I'm fine. Moon is not too far away, so really, no harm's done," Josh tells him, fighting a blush. "Have you seen the priest yet?"

"I bumped into him outside," Aidan replies.

"What do we do about this?" Josh grimaces.

"I'll talk to Bishop once I'm off shift," Aidan shrugs. Josh bites his lower lip. Right, there was something...

"Aidan, look, uhm, about that fight Ray dragged me into...," Josh makes another attempt, but of course, Aidan doesn't get it that Josh is making an attempt to properly explain himself, "That will have to wait until I have figured out the mess with the priest."

"This is actually important," Josh insists.

"What? That you let yourself get dragged into some stupid bar fight because Ray says so? I don't think this is more relevant than is this situation here," Aidan huffs. "And anyways, I just give you that piece of advice: If Ray thinks it's great to enter a fight, then let him. You normally don't struggle with that."

"What do you mean? That I chicken out?" Josh blinks at him.

"Normally you are sane enough to keep outta that kinda shit," Aidan shrugs. "Yeah."

"You think I chicken out," Josh states. Till last he thought that only the rest believed that this is how he acts, but now that Aidan says it... that really hurts.

"And chickening out is mostly the smartest thing to do. What the hell were you thinking?! Huh?!" Aidan argues, suddenly finding it a much more important topic after all.

"Nothing! I just acted!" Josh exclaims.

"But for whom?! Normally, you would've run!" Aidan argues.

"Maybe I'm just done running," Josh retorts angrily.

"What?" Aidan blinks at him, but Josh shakes his head as he mutters, "Doesn't matter."

At this point, Josh honestly doesn't even care about his mistake anymore, because the person he considers his best friend just delivered a hard jab below the belt. Aidan knows how hard it is for him that he is unable to protect people close to him. He knows, and still he drops comments about how he runs away from any trouble.

Josh ran from his family to protect them, but other than that... no, he is not running away.

At least no longer.

"I got bedpans to clean," Josh grumbles. He means to move past the vampire, but Aidan holds him by the forearm, "The hell you are."

Josh tears his arm off of him, "Stop it, will you? I'm done shitting around like this, Aidan."

"Sally's right. You are not acting the way you normally do," Aidan shakes his head.

"You are the one to talk, Aidan. Seriously, get your own life straight before you poke your fingers into someone else's," Josh retorts.

"What?" Aidan blinks at him.

"Exactly. If you don't see that, then really, you got no right to accuse me. You are not acting like yourself either!" Josh curses, biting back tears.

"What now?" Aidan asks again.

"The Aidan I know would've realized before that I was in a fight. Neither would he spend all his time with a girl who is seemingly so captivating that you don't even show up at work anymore. The Aidan I know gives me at least a chance to explain myself. So really, stop pointing your finger at people when you are the one who's getting fuckin' pointed at already," Josh grunts.

"Och, go to hell, Josh," Aidan throws up his hands in surrender.

"In it right now," Josh yells. With that the werewolf exits, leaving Aidan to brood over what just happened.

* * *

Josh stalks down the hallways, one hand clutching at his chest. He wanted to come clean to Aidan, but then he got so angry that he walked out on him.

Great job, Josh.

_Great job_.

It never felt so difficult for him to talk to Aidan. He can still remember how easily they talked for an entire night and the next morning, about God and the world and back again, even about being monsters. It felt good. It felt right, but now? Now it is as though Aidan disappears in front of his eyes, just as he disappears within himself. Just this morning, Josh hardly recognized himself in the mirror anymore.

Maybe the wolf is taking over after all.

Josh is pulled out of his musing by a familiar figure standing in the lobby. The werewolf blinks twice before he actually believes what his eyes try to tell him. He hurries over.

"Ray, what the hell are you doing here?!" Josh cries out, pulling the man aside.

"I was looking for you," Ray tells him.

"I really thought I was clear last night that I don't want to have anything to do with you anymore, okay? I'm in enough trouble because of your jackass move. And coming to my work place is really over the line," Josh tells him sternly.

"I come in peace," the older werewolf tells him, grasping Josh by the shoulder, but the orderly snaps his hand away, "Stay away from me, okay?"

Since when is it so hard to breathe?

"Josh, please, stay," the older man suddenly pleads, holding on to his shoulder. "Lemme explain."

Josh stands for a moment, biting his lower lip, but then turns back around to face the older werewolf, "Alright, explain. Whatever it is."

"I'm really sorry for what happened... back that night," he tells him. Josh blinks – that is actually the reaction he least expected from Ray.

"What? The part where you went in the den like a complete jackass, or when you found it incredibly funny that you screwed up my life?" Josh snorts.

"Both," Ray sighs. "Look, I really thought I was just doing ya a favor. Ya said ya wanted to protect your family and I thought that this would help ya."

"Just that it wasn't really helpful," Josh argues.

"But I _wanted_ to help, believe me, kid. I just saw how upset you were about it. And ya see... I got no one anymore. I got no pack. I'm a tramp, what can I say? But more than anything, I want a pack around me. And I thought that if I helped ya, then... then you would trust me and... we could... help each other," Ray goes on. "I didn't mean it in a bad way."

Josh closes his eyes, because no matter how angry he is at Ray... he understands that. He understands that the other man just doesn't want to be alone anymore. Wasn't that the same spirit that motivated Josh to move in with Aidan? So that he wasn't alone anymore? So he can't blame him for that, or can he?

"I get it, I do, but...," Josh sighs.

"Look, if ya got into any trouble, be sure I'll be there for ya," Ray assures him quickly. "I swear to God if this means any harm done, I will fix it. I just hope that this didn't like... destroy everything. I honestly didn't mean it that way. I just wanna... I wanna care about someone again, but I... took it too far, I guess ."

"Ray, I don't know...," Josh sighs.

"Ya see, we're stuck in the same boat, kid. I don't want it all to go bad coz of one wrong move I made," Ray tells him.

Josh sighs, closing his eyes. Just how can he hate this man to his guts, but then... not?

"I can be your pack, ya know, or we could be each other's. Look out for each other, hm?" Ray tells him. "If ya gimme one more chance, I'll show ya everything I know, so you can protect yourself, so that ya don't hurt anyone anymore. I promise you that much. You just gotta let me."

And aren't those words just too soothing to Josh's pounding wounds?

"Well, I don't know about being a pack, but...," Josh rubs his arms against the cold suddenly spreading throughout him.

"Hey, doesn't have to be now, or so, but... could we at least be... peaceful again?" Ray bargains. Josh finds himself nodding before his brain can even process it.

Maybe it's because it's the first time in a while that he really feels cared for, except for Sally, of course, but honestly? Josh didn't feel like this in a while – to have someone chasing after him just to be around him, even if it's just his creepy werewolf-stalker.

"... okay," Josh nods.

"Great," Ray smirks. "I swear to God, ya won't regret it."

"... well, maybe you can teach me some things," Josh tells him, and Ray's face lightens up at that.

"Sure as hell," the older man assures him.

"Well, then... how about we meet up at your place or so?" Josh shrugs, hugging his arms.

"Well, I'd love to, but I kinda camp... everywhere," Ray shrugs.

"You don't have a place?" Josh frowns.

"Well, not now. I just came here, so I either rent some motel room or camp in the woods," the werewolf replies.

"... wanna come over to my place?" Josh offers, much to his own surprise.

"You're serious?" Ray blinks at him.

"Yeah, sure," Josh shrugs.

"Good, uhm... well, shift goes for another thirty minutes, so...," Josh blinks at him, but Ray holds up his hands, "Cafeteria is over there, right? I'll just wait till you're finished."

"Okay," Josh nods frantically before he heads back down the hallways.

It's actually nice to have someone waiting for him, for once.

Even if it's just a werewolf-stalker.

* * *

"Sally! I'm home," Josh yells as he opens the door. Promptly, the ghost pops in, "Josh! There you are... who is that?!"

"Ray – Sally, Sally – Ray," Josh gestures hurriedly, averting his eyes.

"Pleasure, Milady," Ray taps his cap. Josh walks past her, but the ghost pops in right in front of him again, both hands on her hips, narrowing her eyes, "Is that Ray as in Ray the werewolf who dragged you into that fight?"

"Yeah," Josh sighs.

"Why is he in our house? Do I call police now? Or... well, do you call police now and I yell in the background?" Sally grunts.

"I invited him over," Josh tells her, holding up his hands. "He says he can teach me a few things about my wolf... well, I'm taking the offer."

"Josh," Sally warns him.

"It's okay. If he does something stupid, I throw him out, but for now, please," Josh begs her. Sally sighs, but then steps aside.

"Ray? Beer?" Josh asks.

"Sure, would be great," Ray nods. Josh nods back before he hurries into the kitchen. The older werewolf makes his way to the couch and settles down, Sally stalks after him skeptically.

"So... Ray...," she sighs as she sits down next to him.

"Ya are a ghost, right?" he grins.

"Yeah... what's it to you?" Sally grimaces. "... how do you know?"

"I know a ghost when I see one. I've been around long enough that kinda community," Ray shrugs.

"Small-talk aside. So now you listen to me, Ray-Ray. Even if I can't touch things, I will haunt you or something. Josh told me that you dragged him into a fight, so I consider you one of the bad guys until decided otherwise."

"Whatcha mean 'bout not moving things?" Ray blinks at her.

"What? I thought you've been around so much?" Sally huffs. "And now you know nothing about ghosts?!"

"I have, but ghosts can move stuff. They just gotta do it right," Ray shrugs.

"You're shitting me, right?" Sally snorts.

"No, I mean it. Look," Ray argues, fidgeting for his pocket to take out his wallet to put a coin on the table in front of them.

"That's cheap for hooker money," Sally snorts.

"Move it," Ray tells her.

"I can't," Sally argues vehemently.

"You're angry at me. Take that anger to move the coin. Use it," Ray tells her. Sally grunts something to herself before she concentrates on the coin to prove her point, but that is when the coin... moves.

"Oh my God," she cries out.

"Sally! You moved it!" Josh cries out from behind her, with two beers in hand.

"I did...," Sally blinks at the coin.

"You just gotta take all that anger and canalize it," Ray tells her.

"That doesn't mean I like you... but I hate you less," Sally tells him, her eyes still on the coin.

"Thank you," Josh manages to say to the older wolf. He knows how much it means to the female ghost to be able to do that, how much it means to her to be part of this world. Because Josh gets the feeling of being dependent on someone else, how much that hurts, even if for Sally it is far worse.

"Hey, how about you show me your notebooks?" Ray suggests. "Wanna see what you already know, or what's just total bullshit."

Josh swallows thickly, but then nods.

"Sally? You okay there?" Josh asks, his voice still slightly trembling.

"Yeah, yeah, you go...," she whispers, her eyes solely on that coin.

She is back in this world.

She can touch things.

And that means... she can move things.

Maybe even people?

* * *

Aidan hurries down the streets, anger boiling within him that he could just rip someone's face off. He just went to Bishop to talk to him about that priest, which turns out to be just another plan of his alpha to turn his little world upside down to force Aidan out of his box of a new life and fall back in line. They had a deal. Aidan has the hospital – and Bishop stays out of his business, but now he sends that priest in to turn rich people, to gain even more influence.

As if being head of police wasn't enough already.

However, not bad enough, Bishop dropped just by the way that two werewolves appeared at the den last night and beat the living shit out of Marcus and his friends.

Of course Aidan laughed hard that it was about Marcus – he loves to see that guy being taught a lesson.

However, that was when it dawned on him just what happened.

Josh wasn't just in a bar fight. He fought Marcus, with Ray.

And here Aidan thought that he was gaining a bit of ground to stand on again, but no, everything is even more of a mess than it is anyways. Rebecca. Sally. And now Josh, too. Aidan could still smack himself for ever suggesting to the werewolf to go with Ray and talk to him. However, the more dominant feeling is that of anger at his friend. Josh is smart. He knows when to stay out of a fight, but he just heads right into the trouble because some person he doesn't even like makes him. He risks everything they worked for, but far more importantly: Josh has been telling lies, all day long. He didn't tell either Sally or him the truth about that incident. That means he's been keeping secrets. And that means whatever Josh said to him during their last argument becomes somewhat vacuous now. Aidan is just so fed up with it. He thought he could rely on Josh to have his back, but no.

He finally comes home and opens the door abruptly, not even caring if he does damage.

"Aidan! There you are!" Sally cries out, still sitting in front of her little magical coin. "Look what I can do now!"

"Where's Josh?" Aidan grunts, because he can't care about that right now. Sally opens her mouth to respond, but that is when... Ray... comes down their stairs, _their_ stairs.

"Oh, hello there," Ray grins at him.

"What the bloody hell are you...," Aidan blinks at Ray, perplex, but that is when Sally jumps in, "Oh, right, I wanted to tell you... about that..."

"Out of the house, now!" Aidan orders. That bastard won't invade their home, no, that's not happening. Not after what he broke loose.

"What? Man, I was just...," Ray frowns at him.

"Get. Out," Aidan narrows his eyes at him. Ray already means to say something, when Josh skips down the stairs, "No, you stay. It's alright."

"What?!" Aidan breaks out.

"Could you leave us alone a sec?" Josh turns to Ray – way too politely to Aidan's liking.

"Sure! Hey, Ghost Lady, want me to show ya some more tricks?" Ray offers. Sally shrugs, "Sure."

The two disappear back upstairs to give the friends some privacy.

"Why is that asshole in our house?" Aidan demands.

"I invited him over, and I offered him to stay until the next moon," Josh declares.

"... ah, great, and I get told so... just now," Aidan huffs. "I mean, it's not like I don't pay rent for this apartment, too."

"He sleeps in my room and I pay for everything he eats or drinks or whatever," Josh argues.

"I don't care about that, Josh! I care about the fact that you grant that man shelter under our roof after he and you went to the den to beat up Marcus and his friends!" Aidan yells. Josh almost stumbles upon hearing that. He knew this would come, but it's definitely not how he had it practiced.

"Do you have any idea what it was like for me to learn it from Bishop of all people?! I stood there like a complete idiot!" Aidan goes on.

"I wanted to explain it to you...," Josh mutters, suddenly feeling so small again, but Aidan is having none of it, "The hell you did! Instead you put all the blame on me! Do you even have any idea what you broke loose with this fuckin' stupid move?! You went against Marcus – that means that the priest is Bishop's way of getting revenge, and that might just be the first step!"

"I tried to protect Ray from getting killed. It escalated. I never meant for any of it to happen, but once I was in there... I... I lost it," Josh admits. "And in the back of the head... I... I said to myself that maybe... maybe it would teach him. I didn't stand up to him back then, and..."

"Just how stupid are you?!" Aidan cries out. "And honestly, I thought you were better than that."

"What now?" Josh furrows his eyebrows at him.

"That you go after Marcus for a simple revenge act... I really thought you were better than that. I took you for smarter and for, well, more human. Maybe I was mistaken with that," Aidan snarls, though the words pain him about as much as they must hurt Josh. He knows that this was too low.

"I'm just done," Josh brings out, gritting his teeth.

"With what?" Aidan snorts.

"I'm done being the weak one. I'm done running away. For once I didn't. And yes, I regret it, and yes, it's wrong, but if it brought anything good, then it is that I'm done running from... from everything," Josh tells him.

"Well, great for you, but couldn't you have had that epiphany a little sooner and still decide against screwing up our life by beating Marcus to pulp?!" Aidan curses.

"I can only say that I'm sorry," Josh tells him.

"Sorry! Sorry! Oh, yeah, that, of course, changes about everything! You screw up our life, but you're sorry!" Aidan throws his hands in the air.

"Well, I seemingly have to find a way to make sure that people like my family are safe from the vampire community!" Josh argues.

"Which you don't accomplish by starting a fight with them," Aidan rolls his eyes.

"Well, at least I'm doing something!" Josh retorts.

"But you're doing it wrong! I told you to stay away from them! I told you to let me handle it," Aidan sighs.

"You? Handle it? Now go ahead kid yourself, Aidan! How would you handle it if you are not even around?!" Josh retorts, his patience finally thin enough to tear. Aidan gets to be mad at him, but he doesn't see what this is actually about. He just doesn't get Josh and his fears – and he doesn't listen, which is even more of a problem.

"You seriously don't get to accuse me after you pulled such a stunt," Aidan narrows his eyes at him.

"I get to accuse you when you pull shit also," Josh retorts. "Don't think I don't realize the shaky hands and sweaty palms, how you skip work to go see Rebecca. Even if I don't know what exactly you two do when you are on your own, I'm fairly sure that some kind of live-blood plays a role in it. So really, don't point fingers at me."

Aidan blinks at him for a second, actually surprised. Even though he knew that Josh as well as Sally were against his project of helping Rebecca, Josh never really commented on it. As Aidan figured, the werewolf just didn't want to have to do with it, or purposely looked away, but now it turns out that he actually observed him.

Josh knows that he didn't exactly stay clean.

"I'm not the only one who's kept secrets. I wanted to tell you back at the hospital, but you didn't give me a chance, but... it shouldn't matter. If Bishop or Marcus come after me... I take care of it myself," Josh shrugs, his voice no more than a whisper.

"With Ray?" Aidan huffs.

"Maybe," Josh shrugs. "Who knows."

"You should keep your feet still, trust me," Aidan warns him.

"No," Josh shakes his head simply.

"What? No?" Aidan makes a face.

"As I said, I'm taking care of it. You don't have to jump in for me like that," Josh replies.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Aidan makes a face.

"This is my thing to do. I never should've burdened you with clarifying things for me when it came to Marcus. Ray is a jackass, but he's right that you can't fight my fights for me," Josh tells him.

"Marcus is no guy you should cross with, Josh," Aidan warns him again. "You don't know what you are up against – so you should really listen to someone who knows. And that's me."

"I'm not weak, you know? I manage," Josh whispers.

"Oh, please," Aidan sighs. Not that again...

"I am not weak, so stop treating me like that, okay? Maybe I'm none of your kind, but that doesn't make me a pathetic wimp who has to ask you for help on any damn occasion," Josh hisses, biting back tears.

He is just done being pushed into that role by the rest of the world.

He acts now. That should count.

"I can't believe this," Aidan mutters. He means to make another comment when suddenly his cell phone beeps.

"You wanna answer that," Josh tells him mutely. "Could be Rebecca."

Aidan fishes his cell out of his pocket to glance at the screen. Josh uses the moment to push past him into the kitchen. Aidan wants to yell something after him, but it's indeed Rebecca, letting him know that she needs to see him now, that it's urgent. Aidan lets out a grunt.

Why is everything crushing down on him?

Everything should be good, shouldn't it?

He has a girl.

He has a home.

Friends – a family.

And still, he is the one empty-handed? That just isn't fair.


	10. Gluing It Back Together

Author's Note: Hello, everyone! Thanks for sticking around!

Little warning: I do use the confrontation scene of Aidan vs. Ray to some degree and the family dinner scene by using most of the quotes (I hope I did correctly), but want to shed a different light on them – to bring out the relationship blooming between Aidan and Josh a bit more.

The rest still is roughly oriented towards the happenings in the show, but twisted in another way.

I hope you'll like the last part of this mini arc ;)

Reviews are welcome and appreciated.

Read, review, and hopefully enjoy ;)

* * *

Sally is pacing up and down the hallway. So okay, she tried to be a good ghost. She sees that to move on, she has to learn to let go – and that seemingly means letting go of Danny, the love of her life. Because her life... well, it ended. He was the love of the life that is over now. And if she wants to move on with her life, or whatever it is that she lives now, she can't just always pop in when Bridget and Danny are getting closer. That doesn't help her, it doesn't help them. So she decided to let them live on, together. She honestly, deep down, gave her blessings.

Sadly, this didn't bring her closer to her magical door. Sally didn't see the light, but she felt honestly... relieved, more or less.

It still hurts, of course. Denying it would be a total lie. However, Sally figures that she can put her energy to better use, and that is to fix her new life – the life of a ghostly roommate of a werewolf and a vampire... and sadly... another werewolf. Because that is the crux. Ever since Josh brought in Ray, their tiny bit of normal spiraled down into... distance. Aidan is mad at Josh for what he did. Josh is mad at Aidan for what he said. And that means that Aidan spends even more time with Rebecca, on purpose, so the ghost figures, and Josh spends more and more time with Ray. They go to the woods for training the wolf, or whatever it is that they are training. Sally is bound watching it happen – and that is what really makes her angry and sad.

She just managed not to just watch life pass her by, but she is heading right back in it in her new life with Josh and Aidan. If only those two weren't such bullheads. Instead of talking about it, they distance themselves and no one is willing to give in. Guys are just so dense sometimes. The problem is that she sees especially Josh being dragged into stuff that definitely doesn't do him good, and far more importantly changes him into something she thinks he isn't. The ghost sees that maybe she was actually quite enthusiastic at first when it was about Ray, but that is long since over.

Now she is just worried and angry.

The door opens. Sally whips her head around to see Aidan coming inside.

"Hi," she greets him. Aidan nods curtly as he shrugs out of his jacket, "Hi... where's Josh?"

"Out. With Ray. As always," she exhales. Aidan mutters something to himself before proceeding to the sofa and flopping down on it unceremoniously. Sally joins him, "Can you throw him out for me?"

"Who?" Aidan exhales tiredly. He feels like a truck ran him over. When he isn't trying to get Rebecca to quit using blood, he is fighting his own urges, and if he isn't fighting his own urges, he fights with Ray or with Josh, or both, or he flees to Rebecca – which ends in the same vicious cycle.

"Ray of course," Sally snorts, hugging her arms.

"I thought you liked him so much for showing you those ghost tricks," Aidan huffs.

"That was until he walked down the stairs in this way too short bathrobe and I was that close to seeing that man's nuggets. There are just things a Lady is not supposed to see," Sally shudders. "And anyways, he's bad company. I don't like what he makes... out of Josh. So... couldn't you just like... vampire-shove him out?"

"Hey, I would love to," Aidan shrugs.

"Well, then make up with Josh and then you throw him out together?" Sally suggests. She is just sick and tired of this back and forth between Aidan and Josh. They are best friends, but now they can't stand to be close to each other.

Aidan just glares at her, "I won't go crawling to him after he messed up big time."

"God, Aidan, stop acting like a jerk and see the greater picture," Sally throws her head back.

"What now? He gave me hell last time," Aidan snorts.

"For a damn good reason, by the way, but that's beside the point. But now c'mon, Aidan. You're so old and still you don't know that sometimes the best you can do is to simply apologize, even if you don't think you did something wrong so that you can at least talk again," Sally argues.

"I will not apologize for this. Because I didn't make the mistake," Aidan rolls his eyes, which makes Sally roll her eyes, "Did you just listen to a word I said?"

"Sally, I just want to... catch my breath or whatever," Aidan sighs.

"Well, trust me, you'll keep drowning if you don't do something," she huffs.

"I am," Aidan insists.

"No, you're not," Sally retorts. "Your reaction to this is to keep away. How exactly will that ever help the situation, you tell me? If you keep a distnace, then Josh has no chance to come to you, neither do you have a chance to come to him. That's simple logic, man, even you should get it."

Aidan just shakes his head.

"God, you're such an idiot sometimes...," Sally sighs, but then comes the sentence that actually surprises her, hushed, almost not audible, "Am I really that much of a shitty friend, really?"

"Are you seriously asking me that?" Sally grimaces. Aidan shrugs.

Well, yes!

"Ugh, you two are acting like complete idiots. The only point Josh gets is that he's at least aware of the fact that he is acting ridiculously. He constantly tells me. You, on the other hand, still think you're the good guy of the game, thus... yeah, you kinda make the shitty friend here," Sally shrugs.

"Well, but aren't I right?" Aidan argues.

"Aidan, it doesn't matter!" Sally cries out. "It's about fixing your relationship with Josh, with your best friend. It's not about who's right and who's wrong! But for that you'd have to jump over your own shadow for once, but no, you just go on taking that energy and use it on Rebecca."

"Just as he uses his on Ray," Aidan retorts.

"This is like talking to two brick walls," Sally cries out. "Look, neither one of us wants Ray around, but the thing is that with this... situation here... we only reinforce it that he stays."

"What now?" Aidan frowns.

"I don't think that Josh will quit Ray. He can't talk to you because you don't talk to each other, and he knows that I'm against what he does with Ray and Ray in general, which is why he is way too often on his training trips with that old man. And that makes Josh's _new_ only option... Ray," Sally explains. Aidan grunts. He knows she is right, but he doesn't like it.

"Yep," she grins.

"I thought that with a best friend I wouldn't have that kinda drama, like really," Aidan leans his head back. No, that is the kind of trouble he expects to have with a clingy girlfriend.

"This is still Josh we are talking about, right? I mean, that guy fusses over dirty dishes, remember?" Sally snorts.

"Don't remind me," Aidan exhales.

"You miss it, admit it," Sally snorts. Aidan flashes a faint smirk, but it soon fades away, "Kinda."

"You just gotta see... I think Josh is just really, really confused. You said it yourself. Josh doesn't want to be a wolf. Now he is suddenly with someone who shows him how amazing it can be to be one. Heck, I'd be confused, too," Sally shrugs. "We just gotta get him back to our side again... I liked Josh the way he was before Ray showed up."

"Me, too," Aidan sighs. "But hey, full moon is close, so maybe this is over soon."

"You don't believe that, do you?" Sally snorts. "... what if he goes with him?"

"What?" Aidan grimaces.

"Never crossed your mind? I mean, even if Josh keeps word and Ray moves on after the full moon... what tells us that Josh doesn't decide to go with Ray and live the life of a tramp werewolf? Ray is constantly talking about forming a pack... with Josh," Sally exhales sadly. "What if he quits... us as his pack?"

Aidan blinks, looking at the ceiling. He honestly didn't consider this option yet, which makes it even more frightening. What if Josh runs away with this man? Leaves them behind?

And suddenly... this is seemingly no longer about their argument. It's something much more important – about their life, their project, their home.

"Very subtle," he snorts, letting out a halfhearted chuckle.

"You guys are my... home now. I don't wanna lose that," Sally whispers. "So you better fix it or I flip a coin at your head."

"I just don't know what to do anymore," Aidan sighs. "I'm trying to fix things, but the more I try to fix, the more cracks appear."

"Well, get better glue," Sally shrugs. Aidan manages a lopsided smile before he gets back up, "Okay, I gotta grab a shower and then head to work."

"So we delay it, again?" Sally sighs.

"I didn't find a good glue yet," Aidan shrugs before he heads upstairs. He makes his way into the bathroom and leans on the sink, his hands shaking.

Withdrawal.

Again, a bloody addict, right, Mr. Waite?

How do you glue _that_ back together?

* * *

Aidan comes home in a hurry. It's curious that he is great giving other people advice most of the time, but can't stick to his own. He wants to come clean with Rebecca, but it doesn't work. He falls back into pattern, every day a bit more.

It's long since no one-time-thing anymore.

And that means after the low follows inevitably the high. Cold turkey. Work is excruciating, and even though the personal troubles are just as excruciating, home offers at least the bloody remedy coming in a plastic bag. Aidan strides into the kitchen for his placebo when suddenly that strange, yet so familiar scent hits him. Aidan opens the fridge and rummages through it.

But where is it?

"Where is my blood? Where is my blood?" he yells. Josh wouldn't ever put it elsewhere, right?

"I'm sorry, man, but I had to make room for those beauties," Ray grins at him as he leans against the door frame.

"Where is it?" Aidan demands. That man has tested his boundaries with him in a while now. It's not like Ray is very discreet in his ways, though they seem to be discreet enough for Josh not to catch them. He constantly talks about vampires behind Aidan's back, about how they are truly monsters. Aidan overheard Ray's Siren's songs more than once, and it took him about everything not to just jump that guy and drag him out of the house. However, it was actually Josh who prevented him from doing so – because, regardless of the argument they still have, the younger werewolf is still the one to protect him and always speak in Aidan's defense, that he is different. Not that this is helping Aidan in any way when it comes to his guilty feelings.

"It was an emergency, man, you know. I didn't want my rumpers to go bad," Ray grins at him, but Aidan ignores him. He has to get his blood, now, "Where?"

"It's right on there," Ray hums, nodding at the sink. Aidan is back to his feet in an instant to rummage through the heap of dishes – yet another thing that makes this arrangement ever the more unbearable. Ever since Ray showed up, no one is there to clean, or rather, Josh doesn't have the time to clean. Not that Sally or Aidan really give a damn on it, but it shows that something that was actually quite important to Josh, as someone with OCD, is now lost because Ray simply overpowers him. He makes Josh less Josh – and that is something that makes Aidan furious.

He is stealing his best friend.

Aidan spots one of the plastic bags in the sink... emptied. That bastard is really trying it with all his might, or isn't he?

"I figured you could get some more down at the hospital, you know... or... just jump someone down an alley," the man grins at him. Aidan tears away from the sink with a smug grin, "Full moon is coming soon."

Ray is not the only one who can play this game.

"Yeah, can't wait for it," Ray grins.

"Yeah, it's been great, the help you've been giving Josh, but you will be moving on after this moon," Aidan tells him sternly. Because that is the plan – get Ray out of Josh's life, and then fix all the other messes, but before they can launch that project, that man has to be moved out of the way.

"Yeah, I bet you like that, huh?" the werewolf huffs.

That guy has no idea how much.

"That'd be for the best. Your welcome is wearing a bit thin here," Aidan retorts.

Not that it was ever really there from his side.

"Well, maybe Josh will have some different to say about that," Ray argues.

"Josh will know what's right," Aidan replies.

Well, at least that is what Aidan is counting on – because the picture Sally painted was not exactly boosting his hopes, but... Josh is Josh. He is smart. He knows better than that.

"Who says what's right, huh? Some guy who's actually showing him how to survive? How to thrive? Or some... undead thing that lets him tag along like a pet," Ray hisses, which only fuels Aidan's anger. That man is really pushing the limits. "It's only a matter of time until he realizes and sees you for the leash you are."

Okay, that's it.

Aidan gets right in his face this time, "Oh, you picked the wrong time to screw with me, Ray."

And not just the wrong time. Screwing with him in general is. But the worst thing is to screw with him over Josh. If Ray thinks he gets through with that, he is more than mistaken.

"What are you gonna do? Rip me to shreds in this kitchen and prove to your friend Josh what a murderous scum we both know you to be?" Ray snorts, standing his ground. It just proves Aidan's point. That man just wants to provoke him – and that's it. He means to drive a wedge between him and Josh so that he can win him for himself.

"That's what you'd like, huh?" Aidan grins. "But I don't fall for that cheap kinda trick. You'll have to do better than that, Ray. You won't get me out of my own house – and you definitely won't get me out of Josh's life."

"Is that so, huh?" Ray huffs.

"Yeah, that's so. Because in contrast to you, I really am his friend," Aidan snarls.

"Are ya? I'd doubt that, but even if ya are... I might be his new family," Ray retorts. "I mean, look who's the one he spends time with most these days, huh?"

"You are not his family, get that right out of your head, Ray. You are merely a nice resource of information, that's all you are to Josh," Aidan narrows his eyes at him.

"Well, it's as ya say... in the end, Josh will decide whom he wants to stay with," Ray grins.

"And that won't be you," Aidan replies with determination. They are roommates. They are best friends. Ultimately, Josh will choose them... him... _right?_

That is when suddenly Josh walks in, looking at the two with furrowed eyebrows, "Oh... hey."

Aidan breaks away from Ray to look at Josh, "Hey."

… and isn't it awful that this is the first actual word, if you can even call it that, that they spoke in a week?

"Kid, good to see ya," Ray smiles at him with fake glee. Aidan would just love to punch him right here for the lie. If only Josh finally saw it. If only Josh finally saw Aidan again.

"Everything alright here?" Josh questions, not looking at anyone in particular. When he looks at Ray, he knows that Aidan is watching him. If he talks to Aidan, then he just feels embarrassed and has to fight a blush. After his argument with the vampire, Josh just doesn't know how to approach him anymore.

So much to the strong werewolf he now wants, maybe, to be.

The way he figures, he will always be a socially awkward werewolf, no matter what.

"Wanna head out?" Ray suddenly asks.

"What?" Josh blinks at him.

"Well, ya could use another round of training. Full moon is close?" the older werewolf tells him.

"You and I got shift tonight, though, remember, Josh?" Aidan argues, and actually more hopefully than he would like to admit to himself, or rather... more competitive as he ever anticipated.

Ray made it a fight over Josh.

And Aidan... joined.

The vampire searches the werewolf's eyes. Josh meets his gaze for a few seconds, but then bows his head, "I can switch with Betty. So, ugh... Ray?"

The older werewolf pats him on the shoulder, "Knew I could count on ya. Then let's go, shall we?"

He pushes Josh to the door already, but not without leaning back once to give Aidan a victorious grin. The vampire just rolls his eyes as Josh is pushed away from him, biting his lower lip.

He lost that fight.

He lost... Josh. To Ray.

And now he fights any damn urge not to lick the sink for the blood.

Yet another fight lost, Mr. Waite.

Aren't we all truly pathetic lately?

* * *

Josh is making his way down the corridors of the hospital hurriedly. The werewolf just doesn't know what the hell is happening to him. Ever since the argument he had with Aidan, everything is just a blur. Hurt feelings coupled with the dire need of protection, of warmth and care, seeking closeness while pushing others away. At some point he really doesn't know what he is even doing anymore. Josh wants to be normal, but now that Ray showed him how to be a better werewolf, and after beating Marcus, Josh asks himself if he can ever be normal in the sense of human-normal. Maybe all he can manage is werewolf-normal. And by that is meant being more like Ray.

Aidan told him that it's not healthy for him to suppress this side of his, but Josh feels like a bloody addict ever sine he allowed the werewolf to come to the surface. He follows his dealer, his master, everywhere to show him new tricks. He craves attention like a stupid child waiting for a praise he knows is coming from Ray no matter what, which makes the praises even emptier.

And that even though there is this other part within him that is calling so desperately to simply... go back. To be in that mostly harmonic state where Josh was just this awkward werewolf in the middle of a household of a vampire and a ghost. If only for a short while, Josh felt happy back then, or didn't he? And now? Josh can't really say that he is happy. Even though he jokes and laughs with Ray on occasion, he always feels cold. He doesn't wear long-sleeve shirts only for the reason that he had to cover up the bruises in a while. He feels cold, from the inside. And whenever he is with Ray at home, Josh finds his chest tight to the point that he can hardly breathe. That is not what happiness feels like. It's not the kind of happiness he felt when he and Aidan moved in together.

It was warm – and he could finally breathe again.

But maybe that is the price he has to pay for his family's protection.

Maybe it all comes down to it that Josh has to choose, too. Between his new and his old family. Between the life he once lived and the life that he lives now. Because he still wants to protect the former, or at least part of it. And the wolf may grant him that. What does it matter if he is otherwise unhappy, right? That is what made him run away from his family, from his old life. Josh wanted to protect them, so he ran away, no matter how much that tore him apart. It was the price he paid – and maybe it was this hope of being lucky with Aidan that ultimately marked this as failure.

Maybe his protection only works for as long as he is unhappy.

Maybe he just isn't meant to be happy.

But before Josh can think of anything more, something black scurries in front of his eyes, pulling the werewolf back to the hospital hallways to see the priest roaming around.

Oh right, there was _that..._

Josh maneuvers a little to the side so that he is out of the man's view – and hopefully out of the man's scent-field, too. The priest looks around, looks for prey, Josh can see it in his eyes. That is definitely not good. So not good. Josh swallows thickly as the man stops in front of a patient's room. He looks to the left, to the right, and then quickly hurries inside. Josh hastily grabs his phone, hospital policy shall be damned, and calls Aidan, the argument shall be damned for now, too.

"Josh?" Aidan frowns as he picks up the phone. "We are on shift, why are you..."

"Room 239, the priest is here. Come, now," Josh brings out, his voice quivering.

"Okay, stay where you are, I'll be there in a minute," Aidan tells Josh, argument perfectly forgotten.

"I'm going in," Josh replies.

"What? No, Josh!" Aidan cries out as he already jogs down the hallways. He would rather run like a vampire, but he really has too much of an audience here. "Wait for me, you hear me! Stay out of that room!"

Josh doesn't have a stake – and that means he definitely shouldn't take on a vampire. Just as he never should take on a vampire in general, but much to Aidan's dismay, he can already hear the steady beep-beep from the other end of the line. He speeds up even more, hoping that he makes it in time.

Josh, meanwhile, gathered all his courage to make his way to the room. He won't allow that this vampire turns someone, not on his watch. Josh is done just standing by when bad things happen around him. That is where he draws the line. If only he had taken a stake along...

Josh opens the door just to see the man looming above the comatose figure of Mr. Hastings, fangs extended, eyes as black as his soul probably is. He is so caught up in the moment that he doesn't even take notice of the werewolf now inside, so Josh uses his chance and simply jumps the guy to tear him away from Mr. Hastings. The vampire lets out a guttural howl before fighting back, snapping his teeth at him like a shark. Josh manages to yank himself and the man against one of the cabinets to keep him from biting him.

"You shouldn't get in my way," the priest warns him as he delivers a jab to Josh's side. The werewolf lets out a yelp, but then kicks the vampire in the stomach. Both roll further over the ground, fighting for dominance, fighting out the blood feud that runs between their races since the early days of their existence. Josh manages to flop the priest down on his stomach to sit on top of him so that he can get a hold of the man's hands, but the vampire pushes him away and into the wall. It's only thanks to Josh's sheer willpower that he manages to hold on to the man's arms as he repeatedly rams him into the wall, but that is when he makes yet another attempt to bite him, so Josh has to release, but that is when finally Aidan opens the door.

"Ah, see who's finally come, too? Wanna have a drink also, my wayward son?" the priest snickers.

"This is your damnation and you know it," Aidan snarls, flashing his fangs and teeth at him as he closes the door.

"Josh? Step back, I'm taking it from here," Aidan tells the werewolf still behind the other vampire in the kindest tone he can muster now that his vampire side is showing. And honestly, Josh is quite tempted to go with the offer, but there is still this voice humming in his ears that he can't let others protect him, or else he won't ever be able to protect others.

Aidan already wants to approach the other vampire, but that is when suddenly Josh makes his move from behind and grabs the priest around the throat with one arm, now having him in the choke, while the other is locking the vampire's arms. The vampire struggles against his hold, trying to ram his teeth into his skin, but Josh holds on as tight as he can, "Let me go, you filthy dog!"

"Aidan! Do something! Now!" Josh yells. He doesn't know for how long he can hold this guy. And that is when his friend forgets about his anger and worry, but instead steps over to the two and grabs the vampire by the mouth, holding it open with a vice grip. Josh watches in a mixture of confusion and terror when Aidan breaks off the man's fangs. The priest lets out an inhuman growl of pain. Josh lets go out of instinct – and because his arms just can't hold on anymore. The vampire means to jump him another time, but Aidan kicks him in the side repeatedly before pulling him up by the collar, "You touch him once, you die! And that's what you can tell Bishop, too. Now get the hell out of here or I will send you to your Lord."

Aidan releases the vampire. He gets to his feet and staggers out of the room. Josh and Aidan stare at each other for a second, the vampire's eyes instantly back to normal. Josh's legs give way and he slumps down against the wall, chest heaving. Aidan slumps down, too.

"W... what... what did you do?" Josh brings out between the gulps of air.

"I took his fangs," Aidan replies.

"What... what does that mean?" Josh asks.

"He can't bite anymore. Fangs don't grow back," the vampire explains.

"... nice trick," Josh manages a crooked grin.

"Not bad yourself," Aidan returns. "That was... reckless, but... damn courageous."

Really, he doesn't know many people who just jump a vampire, even at the risk of getting bitten.

"Thanks...," Josh manages.

"Are you... are you okay? Forgot to ask," Aidan brings out, now feeling guilty that he didn't ask that right away. Josh fought him for at least two minutes all by himself. He scoots closer – and for once Josh doesn't slip away.

"Yeah, just some bruises... and possible nightmare material for the rest of my life," Josh brings out.

"Good," Aidan nods.

"At this point I'm really glad I'm Jewish," Josh jokes. "I surely wouldn't want that as a blessing."

Aidan chuckles, but then his eyes somewhat soften, "I think I get it now."

"What? That I'm Jewish?" Josh makes a face.

"No, what you said during our argument," Aidan tells him.

Sally will have her fun telling him that he told him so.

"What do you mean?" Josh blinks at him.

"I wasn't there for you or your family," Aidan admits.

"You... you looked after Rebecca, and... I get that, too. I never should've accused you for that," Josh sighs.

"Yeah, I looked after Rebecca, but... I really neglected... everything else," Aidan sighs. "If I'm not around, then how would I protect your family against Bishop? You're right... with that, I definitely didn't. For support... you have to be physically present, too, at least once in a while."

"My move didn't help either," Josh shrugs. "If they send the priests after me... I never should've let Ray drag me into this. I risked our life with this."

"I'm sorry," Aidan grimaces.

"I'm sorry, too," Josh agrees. Aidan can't help but chuckle.

"Just how messed-up are we that we need a vampire ambushing a comatose patient so that we finally talk to each other again, you tell me?" Aidan shakes his head.

"We're just that weird, I guess," Josh shrugs with a smirk, but then turns serious. "Aidan, I..."

However, that is when Aidan's cellphone beeps. The vampire curses to himself – why does it have to ring at exactly the wrong moment?! A quick check reveals that it's... "Rebecca, right?" Josh sighs.

"Yeah," Aidan shakes his head. And he really wished it wasn't. Josh was just about to say something, damn.

"Then I guess you should see her," Josh grimaces, but then suddenly lets out a yelp, leaning over.

"Josh?! You okay?" Aidan cries out, hands on Josh's shoulder instantly.

"Yeah, it's... agh, damn, sunset is not far away," Josh grimaces.

"Full moon is tonight," Aidan grimaces. Right, he almost forgot about that. Josh manages a weak nod.

"I gotta go," Josh says as he gets up, holding his stomach. "Ray's waiting for me by the cabin."

And yet another punch right in the gut, isn't it? Just for whom?

"Yeah, ugh, sure, then you gotta go," Aidan makes a face. "Do you need me to give you a ride, or...?"

"No, no, I manage, you go to Rebecca," Josh stammers. "I'm okay."

"Okay, then... ugh... you gotta go to... Ray... but... be safe," Aidan tells him. Josh nods hastily before hurrying out of the room. Aidan stands there for another second. This should be victory, because they finally managed to talk about it, but still, the are pulled away form each other by their counterparts.

Aidan shakes his head before leaving the room, too – because he sees that he has to make some changes if he wants this to work, _really_ work. He hurries to Rebecca, who let him know that she is at the park, as the sun disappears.

"There you are!" she cries out. "I've been waiting!"

"Before we even get started, I have to talk to you," Aidan tells her. He fears that if he lets her go on about blood cravings again, he will lose it. And he can't lose it. Not again.

"What is it?" she frowns.

"I know that I haven't stood up to my word, really," Aidan explains. "What we are doing is wrong. We only make matters worse with drinking each other and with giving in to our cravings."

"I don't care. This is what we are, Aidan. It's the best solution. We both get what we want and need and... no one is hurt. Think about it," she argues vehemently.

"We _are_ hurting others," Aidan insists.

"We don't drink them," she argues.

"Right, we don't drink them, but we spend our days being high," Aidan argues. "And that hurts people close to us."

"What? Your little family home?" Rebecca snorts. "I need you more than they do."

"That doesn't matter, Rebecca. _I_ need them in my life," Aidan replies.

He literally can't live without them.

Without Sally.

Without Josh.

Life without them is no life, not anymore.

And Aidan is done being undead in a bathtub, over with blood.

"Oh, but you don't need me?!" she breaks out.

"What? No, of course I need you, too. I want you in my life, Rebecca, but just not like this. Look, we can come clean, live a fairly normal life. The heck, you could move in with us once we are through the worst," Aidan tells her. That might be the best solution. If Aidan wants to be there for all of them, he just has to bring them together. Under one roof. Their roof. It's not that farfetched, right?

"So you want to play family, with me as your wife and Joshy as your puppy? Just how sick are you?! We are vampires, for crying out loud, Aidan! What you do is not natural!" Rebecca cries out.

"That's what Bishop told you, but it's not like that. Yes, we are vampires, but we don't have to fulfill the cliché. We can be normal, we can be normal together," Aidan insists.

"With a werewolf in tow," she huffs.

"With my best friend in tow," Aidan corrects her sternly.

Josh is his best friend – and even if he is here now with Rebecca, he won't make the mistake to choose her over him. Aidan wants to choose both, but no longer by putting them in different places, but by bringing them together.

"You just don't seem to get it," she fumes.

"I get it that you have those urges. I have them, too, Rebecca. And I know it's hard to fight them, but if we fight them together, then we have better chances, believe me," Aidan insists.

"I don't want to fight my urges! I want to give in to them! I want to suck blood! I want to taste it!" Rebecca snarls.

"No, you don't want that, it's the vampire within you that makes you believe that," Aidan argues.

"No, you don't get it. I won't play this game. I'm a predator, Aidan. You made me one. And if you aren't willing to help me in the way I need it, then I'm better off without you," she tells him.

"Rebecca, now wait!" Aidan says, his eyes wide. He thought that now he could finally fix it. He thought that he finally found the right glue, but that is when she has already taken off into the night, into the darkness Aidan hoped he could keep her away from.

And once again... he stands there, alone, shards in his hands.

* * *

The next evening, Josh comes in with two bags of groceries. He puts them down on the counter to lean over the sink, gasping for air as it breaks over him again. At some point Josh is honestly convinced he is just exorcising himself as he looks at the masses of dishes, plates and bloody mugs piling in the sink. Already those platters are a reminder of what he became, of what he almost became again, and what he no longer wants to be. He turns on the water and quickly wipes everything clean, though it won't wash away the shame and dread, he knows that.

But maybe that will help him with his exorcism in some way after all.

"Ah, look, we finally have a kitchen again!" Sally grins from behind him. "Aidan! Come here to look at that! I can see a sink again!"

The vampire appears a few seconds later from his room downstairs, "What?"

"Josh is finally cleaning again!" Sally holds up her hands in mock-victory. She leans a little closer to him, "Found some superglue, I take?"

Aidan decides not to comment, but only smirks at her. However, when his eyes fall back on Josh, he can't help the grimace. It's something in his posture...

"Are you okay?" Aidan asks cautiously.

"What? Yeah," Josh grimaces, but then blurts out. "Can you two leave for a while?"

"Excuse me?" Sally makes a face.

"I, uhm... I kinda need you to leave me alone for an hour, you know, take a walk or whatever, just... not in the house," Josh claps his hands together nervously.

"The hell no!" Sally argues. "I wanna..."

"C'mon, let's go," Aidan suddenly says, turning to Sally.

"But...," Sally stammers.

"Sally," Aidan warns her. The female ghost rolls her eyes, but then trots after the vampire outside. They decide to sit on the stairs.

"Why are we letting Josh throw us out?" Sally asks.

"Because we are nice roommates?" Aidan suggests. "And I don't think he wouldn't ask if not for a reason."

"So you two really finally talked?" Sally asks. Aidan nods, "Yeah, well... kinda... we were... interrupted."

By Rebecca and Ray.

Wasn't that already the irony?

"But we're having conversation again," he goes on.

"True, I saw that," she grins happily, but then lets out a weary sigh.

"How are you taking it? With... with Danny?" the vampire asks. Sally told him this morning that she finally remembers why she died and how she died. She didn't just fall down the stairs. In a fit of jealousy, Danny had pushed her. He killed her. And Aidan surely felt more than just tempted to go over to Danny's to kill the man. He would do that in an instant, but Sally told him that she doesn't want that. That she wants to fight her own fight. And after his conversation with Josh, he starts to get that spirit.

Some fights you have to fight for yourself. Even if you will have to live with the scars.

"I'm working on a plan to screw up his life in all the wrong ways," Sally shrugs.

He will pay.

Now she can move things – and people. And so she will move Danny, just in a different way than she had firstly thought.

"Good," Aidan grins darkly.

The two continue to sit in silence, both wondering what their roommate is up to.

Inside, Josh is fussing around the kitchen. He cooks. Cooking is something he is good at, it's something he knows. Cooking is nice because it follows certain patterns. If you sick to the recipe, you get the right result.

No surprises.

And definitely no earthshaking revelations in a cabin.

He leans over the stove for the sauce when suddenly tears spring to his eyes. His plan is not working, he knows that now.

Josh is no werewolf, not like that.

Maybe all of this is no more than pretending. This house. This home, but Josh made a decision last night, about himself. He is no werewolf. He is not the man he used to be.

He is... Josh. And that means he is a socially awkward werewolf-orderly who puts his energy in little things to maybe make a place a home, by buying unnecessary kitsch and cooking. That is who he is now. And even if... if Ray made him what he is, so he had to painfully learn, Josh wants to use this here, this moment, to set into stone who he is. Because that is what he can still change.

That is what he can fight.

That is what he can protect, with the help of others, of his friends. His new family.

Josh claps his cheeks to bring himself back to the game.

"Right, the chicken," he mutters to himself, wiping the tears away as he checks the oven.

No more steaks in a while, that's for sure.

Josh had a sudden change of diet.

* * *

Back outside, Sally and Aidan are still watching the nightsky silently as suddenly the door opens.

"Are you guys coming?" Josh speaks up from behind. The two turn their heads. "Dinner."

Both frown. _Dinner?_ What now? But before they can ask questions, Josh is back inside already, so the two follow.

That they want to see.

"Whoa," Aidan blurts out at the sight of a dinner table with really everything. Josh lights the candles to complete the picture. There are nice plates, the kitchen is clean. The food looks just like out of his cooking magazines... he even brought flowers. Josh is really serious about that dinner.

"You remember that neither one of us actually eats, right?" Sally can't help but say.

"We'll fake it, you know? Do what all those anorexic girls back at my High School used to do, push your food around, nibble, pretend to chew. Whatever. I don't care," Josh explains, clapping his hands together. "We are all sitting down to a hot delicious meal together."

That is the new him. That is who he wants to be.

"Okay," Sally chuckles, still not quite believing it, though she can't help but find it adorable. Because this is... like Josh again, isn't it? He is just the man for the details. Aidan pulls the chair back for her so that she can sit down, too before he takes his seat next to her, facing Josh.

"We have to hang on to some rituals of normalcy," Josh tells them, passing the food around.

That is his new life. His new kind of normal.

Aidan can't help but be amused at the effort and puts some green beans on his plate. He honestly can't remember the last time he did that. The fork in his hand feels so unfamiliar, since it is so used to holding a blood bag. Though he can't deny it feels... nice, actually. More human. He plops one of the beans into his mouth.

"Hm, divine," he says between the chewing. All know it's a lie because he can't taste anymore, but Josh gets the gesture, flashing a bright smile.

They pretend to be normal, but they pretend it together.

Even if it means to just push some food around.

"Thank you," Josh grins. "See? This is nice. It's been... well, never, since we all shared a meal together."

"Right, thanks, mom," Aidan snorts, but that is when Josh's feature sag as he turns to Sally, "Aidan told me. I'm so sorry."

The vampire informed him this morning – and Josh's heart dropped even lower than it hung anyways. He just can't stand it to see his friends hurt, because it's yet another time where he wasn't there for her, couldn't be there for her.

But he is here now, right?

"There's nothing I wanna say," she tells him. There is just nothing to say about it other than what she already told Aidan.

And she would rather enjoy this meal, too, enjoy this slice of life that comes with a slice of chicken.

"Aidan," Josh turns to his roommate to keep the conversation alive somehow. "... How... was work? I didn't see you on the shift today."

Aidan just shakes his head – and Josh fights any urge not to roll his eyes that the man won't play along, but fine. It's his choice. It's not like all family members talk as much as he does while having dinner. His dad never talked much while eating.

"Okay then...," Josh sighs.

"So, what happened with Ray?" Sally now asks, joining the game, but the reply actually shocks her, "Ray is gone."

The message hangs above their heads like a dark veil. _What?_

Till last they thought that and feared that Josh would say that he'd want to at least meet Ray on occasion, for around the moon.

"Oh, fun tidbit," Josh then goes on. "Turns out that Ray is the one that did this to me. Made me what I am."

He takes a gulp of the wine, hoping that the alcohol will hush the last bit of cold away that comes with the memory.

Ray told him short before they turned. That he was looking for him was really no lie. He has been looking for Josh for two years, ever since he turned him. And how proud he was of Josh for the wonderful wolf he is. So strong. So...

Josh can only remember the pain that tore his body apart and pieced it back together again and again as he attacked the man in revenge for his damnation. He was the one who did this to him, who destroyed his life, his happiness, and then he dares to come after him and say that this is not a curse?! It's a sickness, one that Josh still seeks a cure for.

So yeah, he sent Ray to hell the very next morning. He should have done that long before.

Both Sally and Aidan will be proud that they get to tell him that they told him so.

But Josh doesn't really care. He made a decision. He won't try to be a wolf. He will kill it.

And even if he has no cure yet, he found at lest a remedy.

This here.

This house.

His new family.

"You're kidding," Aidan gapes. That can't be. That man... he... Aidan is missing the thoughts for it. Even if he is happy that Ray is finally gone, it's a sheer nightmare that this man now turned out to be the man who destroyed... Josh. Aidan always considered it one of Josh's greatest challenges not to know his creator, but as it turns out, it's even worse to have your creator coming back after two years to claim stake on your life, pretending to be your friend when he was the one who took your friend away, literally.

Aidan, till last, hoped that Josh found glue for his own shards, so that they could now go ahead to piece it back together – together, but now it seems like Josh's shards are far smaller, so tiny that they pierce right through the heart.

He never wanted this for Josh.

He wants him to be good.

And now this... how can he fix that? Or help Josh fix it?

"Are you okay?" Sally asks worriedly. And here he asks about her well-being. All day long, Josh didn't say a thing. That guy really is a curious case. Always caring about the rest of the world.

"Oh yeah, I'm awesome. I'm incredible. I mean, who wouldn't want to meet their _weredad,"_ Josh brings out, making Sally laugh. Only Josh cracks a joke in such a situation.

He turns to Aidan, "Can you pass me the salad, please?"

Can you pass me the new life?

Thank you.

I take it.

I like its taste.

I am myself.

And that means I'm a domestic wolf who makes family dinner no one other than him can really eat or taste.

That means I'm friends with a ghost and a vampire.

That means that they protect me and I protect them.

I'm a werewolf trying to be human.

I'm just me.

And I don't feel cold anymore.


	11. Love Me Through the Pain

(Long) Author's Note: Hello, everyone! And welcome back!

Okay, so I know that the Ray arc was quite long, given that it was actually just two episodes, but I felt like it was very essential to get the setting right, especially for Josh's character and how he turns from my vagabond to a domestic werewolf. Furthermore, I wanted to have a bit of Aidan's jealousy there, which I think worked well with Ray as his immediate competition over Josh, while at the same time I intended it to set their relationship more firmly. They overcame this by accepting that neither one is weak or needy, even though they depend on each other. After Aidan saved him in my little arc, I wanted it to be a bit more balanced.

And I know that we're already a few chapters into the story, but I want this relationship to develop along the lines of the canon, while making loops here and there when it comes to my own AU. So yes, this is a long way to the slash, but as this chapter hopefully makes clear in the intro – that's what love is all about ;) This takes up where the last chapter left off with, but it's only loosely based on the next episodes. Things just happen the way they do on the series.

So in this chapter, I get a bit of love spread out. Butterflies and werewolf puppies^^

Mini-spoiler (don't like, don't read): I know I changed the ending scene, but I felt it would be more slashy like this.

I hope you'll like it ;)

Read, review, and hopefully enjoy ;)

* * *

_Probably all of us still remember the first crush. The first love. First time holding hands. _

_First kiss. _

_This magical time when everything was shed into shades of pink, when world seemed a brighter place. _

_Sparks were flying everywhere. _

_But that is just childhood, the youth, right? Later on, it's no longer this magical. You have experience, because no matter what, you always end up comparing one partner to the next. And that is what makes it for the first kiss to be so memorable ever so easy. We don't have a chance to compare it, and we don't even try. We put it on a pedestal and claim it to be the one true love. We still think of it as such when it was in truth just a sloppy get-together of lips, sometimes even with unprofessional tongue, behind the school building, down some shady alley, in the grass and you were over with ants as a result. _

_Just so damn perfect. _

_And now as the adults we often, sometimes are? Sparks fly, yes, but they often catch fire – and not always in a positive way, because it's not necessarily the fire of passion, but simply... fire. And fire burns, destroys, let's not forget that. _

_But still, we find ourselves as stupid teenagers or children again, having a total crush, all the way from blushing over squealy voices to sweaty palms and talking gibberish. Because deep down, we still hope we can somehow recreate this one (im-)perfect moment of our youth. _

_Because we are just that bloody romantic. _

_TV screwed us with its wrong concept of love with fountains, elevators and love at first sight. That Lady just has to walk past the man of her dreams and she knows, deep down, and bam, is a teen again, getting her first kiss, getting taste of first love all over, the man picks her up, carries her to a better life. Happy Ending._

_Just how ridiculous are we? _

_Those romances mess with us because most of us don't realize that they don't show what's really the problem. Fine, you can fall in love at first sight, but that's so damn easy. It's biology. It's in our genes to seek a mating partner. Society did the rest and put the label "love" on it, when it once was no more than a partnership of convenience. Friends with benefits is no concept that only came about with the sexual liberation these days, it's back to the roots what our forefathers and mothers did all the while. But maybe we are just too far evolved in our social qualities that we can't regard love for something as basic as sex alone. Fine, still, that's what Hollywood does with us. We are always presented with this getting to know bearing the "love label", at least in most of the cases. _

_How often does a plot summary start with: Boy meets girl. Girl meets boy? Think about it. And even if we don't stick to heterosexual love, it's still the same. One meets the other. They overcome one big dramatic crisis together, and bam, they are ready to live on for the rest of their life together happily ever after. _

_Again, seriously, people? _

_Because the hard part is not that cheap drama, it's what the movie doesn't show us, what would come after the closing credits. How those two make it through years of learning everything about each other, when everything is stuck in routine. When the partner gets too thin or too fat or bald or changes the hair color every three weeks so that you don't recognize him or her anymore. Has different friends whom you hate and you know who gossip over you, with your partner. When kids get in the way of any romance, and thus in the way of biological needs, too. When you get a dog to somehow compensate your frustration and that critter just pisses and shits on your new rug. _

_The real challenge is not to love someone at first sight. _

_It's about living with that person, and really living with that person 24/7 and not end up killing the partner for his or her antics. For making it through sickness and health, through the vicious cycles of normalcy and boredom, through lack of passion, and yes, through all the hate that you inevitably develop for your partner. Because you hate him for leaving his socks everywhere. Because you hate her for taking that long in the bathroom when you really need to loo and you feel any damn urge to just do what that compensation-critter does all the while and claim that he did it. _

_Love is fight. Fight your urges to take that knife, fight not to go when you really want to, fight to come back when you don't want to, fight to look the partner in the eye again after he or she made a mistake, many mistakes, cheated, betrayed, searched that tiny spark in another person's arms just to set the real partner on fire. Love is to hold on, to forgive, to stick together even when the world collapses around you. _

_Crush at first sight, fine, okay, that can happen – and it's great. That is what brings people together. _

_But true love at first sight really is a myth. _

_If you love someone, you spend all your time with him or her. Live with that person for half a year and if you can still picture a future together without getting the cooking knife out, if you still think that person is worth the fight, then you have good chances. _

_Maybe you will have your movie moments even after the closing credits, if you work together, if you fight together to stay to together. _

_Maybe you don't go down and burn. _

_But... just maybe._

* * *

Josh is... in love, well... maybe. He is not too sure yet, but it feels well like it.

He has a crush, let's go with that for now.

Nora Sergeant.

She is by no means like his fiancée – not that Josh ever plans to say that out loud, though he fears he will now end up doing it because he thought about it... doesn't matter. Nora is a nurse at the hospital, beautiful, smart, strong, but also tough. The first time he saw her... she yelled at him.

So yeah... it's one-sided. Josh sees that, and his futile attempts of a flirt in the cafeteria proved to be just as fruitless as the applesauce they try to sell them as actually containing apples.

However, Josh sees that he might have a chance – and once again, it was nothing he expected. He just went to see some patients, something he usually does. Some of them are just so lonely – and Josh can relate to it. He knows how it tears you apart, and that is why he said to himself that now with the job at the hospital, he would still try to make it better for other people. If only just a cup of tea, a clap on the shoulder, asking about the grandchildren or bringing them a small bouquet.

Josh is a man of details after all. He pays attention to the small things, even if it makes him lose sight of the bigger picture at times.

Well, and Nora caught him talking to one of his favorite patients and of course she was all over him for trying to steal her patients, but this time Josh knew she wouldn't win because all he had to say was that it was his free day – he left her completely speechless, and if he is not completely rusty in reading people, then she was speechless in a positive sense.

So yeah, he has a crush... the problem is... that he has a crush. He didn't live in celibacy for the past two years because he found it funny or enjoyed it. He did it for a reason, so...

How do you get rid of a crush again?

Picturing her in underwear will hardly work... and that's supposed to help against nervousness anyways, though Josh never got that trick. If he pictures all people naked, then he just blushes, wants to turn away, and acts like a stupid teenager. He is not afraid of human anatomy, and he has no trouble seeing a patient naked when treating him or her, but... well, maybe it's a bit of a trauma that he always has to play stripper for his wolf.

So here Josh sits on the couch and thinks what he can do to get rid of this crush, discreetly and politely.

But how do you do that?!

…

Aidan makes his way home after the shift. He is glad that he is finally good with Josh again, really, he couldn't be gladder to have his best friend back, but ever since his conversation with her, Rebecca remains missing.

Because he misses her.

It honestly hurt Aidan that she took off, after all he tried to do for her. Of course it will always stay between them that he gave Bishop a way to turn her, but Aidan was really trying anything he could to be her the alpha she deserved. He wanted to show her the clean way, the better way, the human way. The hell, he even offered her to move in together, but she just ran away from this responsibility, from him.

She is the kind of love that hurts. For once, Aidan would really like to simply have a _simple_ relationship with someone, but with someone who wants the same, someone who doesn't just take, but also gives. Someone who is devoted to him the same way he devotes himself to a relationship.

That is why he usually ends up with one-night-stands and short romances, taking the threat of blood cravings aside for a second. For as long as it's just about crushes, about liking each other, it's okay. You have sex once, but don't call – no feelings hurt. You take off the next morning, maybe you even have breakfast together. But that's it. That is actually a nice solution most of the time, just that...

just that he _really_ would like to have something real for once.

And he had hoped that he had found it in Rebecca, but that was just an illusion, seemingly.

Maybe his concept of love isn't working out after all.

But where do you find someone that unconditionally devoted to you, when even one of your kind won't stick around?

Aidan shakes his head as he opens the door, finding Josh sitting on the couch. That alone wouldn't be surprising, but it is more of the fact that the TV is switched off, that there are no magazines or books, and Aidan knows that Josh's antiquity show is on now.

It's funny how fast you know about another person's antics when you live together.

"Hey," he greets as he gets out of his jacket.

"Hey," Josh replies, his eyes still fixed on the photoless frame on their wall. Aidan flops down beside him on the couch, "What? Don't you ask me how my day was, darling?"

"Me how my day was, darling?" Josh snorts.

"Ahaha, almost funny," Aidan snorts.

"So, darling, how was your day? Did something interesting happen?" Josh grins, though his eyes are still fixed on the picture frame.

"Not really," Aidan shrugs. "This one patient, Mr. Finnigan, just yelled random sentences at me. I don't know what the hell he wanted from me."

"Oh yeah, he constantly quotes the _Canterbury Tales_. Every day a new one," Josh nods.

"... how do you know that?" Aidan makes a face.

"I read those stories?" Josh shrugs as if it was the most obvious thing on earth. "It actually helps if you throw some quote from the tales at him. That usually works for me."

"I will remember that," Aidan nods. Really, Josh is the man for the details. "But you're okay? Or why are you staring at the wall?"

Another antic that Aidan discovered. Josh seemingly likes to just... look at things when he is brooding. He watches windows at sunset, rusty ceilings, walls, empty picture frames, and Aidan caught Josh a few times now when he just sits outside on the steps and watches the stars.

Even if some of Josh's kinks are just quirky, most of them have something... almost magical, at least they have in Aidan's eyes. Josh is the man for the details.

Josh slouches down on the couch with a sigh. Aidan copies his movement almost unconsciously.

"It's about Nora," Josh admits.

"The nurse who thought you were sexually harassing her?" Aidan makes a face. He saw that flirt... even he had to cringe.

Josh nods, "I think I like her... and after I managed not to suck making an impression for once... I think she is at least no longer thinking that I want to sexually harass her."

"Well, ugh... isn't that... _good?"_ Aidan grimaces.

"I guess it would be if I did not turn a furry anger monster once a month," Josh shrugs.

"You won't let that go, will you?" Aidan snorts.

"What?" Josh makes a face.

"I told you before, and by the way, I'm really that much of an amazing friend to even talk about the topic with you like that, but you can have sex without turning a wolf. You know, just don't have sex on the full moon," Aidan huffs. Josh just rolls his eyes, but the vampire ignores it, "I mean, you spent the last two years without any so such contact – and trust me, that's not helping you. You should really... and I can't believe that I'm having this conversation... have a one-night-stand, you know? To get back on the horse... that came out really weird."

Josh chuckles, but soon is back to his brooding face.

"I don't do one-night-stands," Josh argues.

"What? It's damn perfect, especially for a guy like you. No responsibilities, no fear that the girl comes to you on that certain occasion...," Aidan argues.

"But I don't want that," Josh shakes his head.

"Well, then even if one-night-stands are not your thing, even a relationship should be possible. If you like Nora, then... go for it. Just don't see her on the full moon," Aidan huffs.

"I don't want a relationship like that," Josh argues. "I don't want a relationship that's based on lies. And that would be the case. I mean... I can't just be like: 'Hi, my name is Josh. I'm an orderly at the hospital. Oh yeah, and by the way, I am a werewolf. Wanna have a date with me?' So I would have to keep it from her – and that's really no good basis for a relationship."

"You don't necessarily lie to her, you just don't tell her certain things," Aidan shrugs.

"As I said, I like Nora... I think... I... I would like to be... _with..._ her... but how are you with someone if one part is constantly pulling you the other direction? I would always be forced to think about every statement I make, if I make a flaw in my story – and that's the breaking point. I don't want my life to be a story. I want it to be a life, a real one," Josh tells him.

"We're pretending normal all the while," Aidan argues.

"Outside. Here we talk about all this shit, drink blood from mugs and even accidentally turn here on occasion. But in here... we are us," Josh argues. "But if I can't talk about this to her, too, then... then she will always be just one from the outside. How would you have a serious relationship with someone if that's the state of affairs?"

"You're asking questions...," Aidan sighs.

"I'm just... not made for... one-night-stands and short relationships and all that. I'm... I'm... devoted," Josh shrugs.

"W, what do you mean?" Aidan makes a face, trying to keep the surprise out of his voice that Josh just says out loud what he has thought about when he made his way home. And he even feels a little embarrassed at the realization that Josh just, without knowing it, said that he is what Aidan is asking for.

Such a coincidence, right?

... _right?_

"Look, throughout my life I had three relationships in total," Josh begins.

"That's not how you usually boast about your conquests, man," Aidan snorts.

"And that's not the intention either," Josh snorts. "What I mean to say is that I never do things halfway. The heck, with my first relationship I was together for over a year – and that was the girl I took to Senior prom," Josh sighs.

"Okay," Aidan makes a face.

"I didn't want to just take some girl to prom. I wanted to take _my_ girl to prom. That means I properly courted her since Junior year. That is what I mean. I'm that devoted," Josh explains.

"Goodness sake. If you come me now that you are still a virgin, then...," Aidan grimaces, but Josh interrupts him, fighting a blush, "I lost my virginity at a normal age and the frequency of such activity while in a steady relationship was more than sufficient and... not of concern here."

"It gladly isn't," Aidan rolls his eyes. "But now I'm curious. What happened to your Prom Queen?"

"Well, as I said, first real love and all. We had prom together, graduation, full ride. The problem was that she went to a different college, so we had to go with long-distance relationship," Josh explains. "And at first it really worked out pretty well, you know, phone calls, writing letters and visiting each other... That was until I made a surprise visit – just to catch her with the 'friend' who actually encouraged me back in High School to date her."

"Ouch," Aidan grimaces. That always hurts.

First love can really suck at times.

"I hope you got back at her?" Aidan asks.

"Well, at first I just got back at him... I told his girlfriend. She kicked him in the nuts so hard he was a crying mess for over thirty minutes. That was definitely fun to watch," Josh grins. Aidan chuckles at the picture in his head.

"And the girl?" he questions.

"I signed her up for all kinds of spam so that her e-mail account was flooded with it, and I had jerky delivered to her every day for about a month coz she was strict vegan. Plus, I registered her to some sex toys and sex magazines deliveries...," Josh explains. "Just that I gave them the neighbor's address so that they knocked on her door to give her the stuff."

Aidan can't help but crack up laughing at it.

"She surely had it coming," he grins.

"Oh, she definitely did," Josh agrees.

"What about the second relationship?" Aidan asks.

"That was... the shortest I had and was when I was still fresh in college. It lasted for three months. I broke up with her once I found out that she was stealing my money," Josh shrugs.

"Oh my," Aidan sighs. Josh really seems to be very unlucky when it comes to that. Well, at least Josh has him and Sally now. They won't ever betray him like that.

"It surely was fun to make a call to her mom to tell her that her daughter is probably pregnant with my child and on the run to Mexico," Josh shrugs. Aidan hides his face against the backrest with a grin.

"You really take it serious with getting revenge," he snickers.

"As I said, I took all those relationships very seriously. So it really hurt me to find out that they didn't even care," Josh shrugs. Aidan nods. He gets that. If you invest that much in a relationship, you want your partner to at least try to meet you halfway...

Isn't that also what he thought about while getting home?

Coincidences, so many today!

"The thing is that I am like this in a relationship. I can't go halfway," Josh sighs. "The same with Julia. I mean... I even went to that Spanish course for starters with her."

"Well, learning Spanish is not the almost bad. It's better than a knitting club or so," Aidan shrugs.

"... I had four years of Spanish back in High School, mi español es muy bien, amigo. I did some other things, too, just to spend time with her, joining clubs and all... The hell, I even befriended with all her friends just to be close to her. My friend who got killed by Ray was no one I knew from my High School time. He was the fiancé of Julia's friend. I mean, not that I regret that. I never had many friends to show, and even those I did have were no good friends, but... what I mean to say is that I did that to be with her. I don't do things halfway," Josh shrugs.

"But you're in a new situation now," Aidan argues.

"But I'm still me," Josh argues, well, of course he is changed now, but not everything is. He still likes cooking and cleaning. He still has OCD. He still loves antiquity shows and Star Wars. Even if he is more of a shadow of his former self, he is still part of it.

"Well, then change pattern," Aidan shrugs.

"I can't just change pattern the way I want, Aidan, that's just who I am, I guess. I don't want to have a relationship that's only about that. I mean... okay, let's say I'd go with a loose kind of relationship, this no-strings-attached... how will I ever have someone to be close to if I always end up just having meaningless relationships?" Josh argues.

"Well, ugh... you can be close to me, I mean, to Sally and I and for the rest... hookers," Aidan suggests. And he ist honestly shocked that a part of him seems to mean it more seriously than his joking tone would give away.

"... maybe us monsters just aren't meant to have love," Josh sighs.

"C'mon, that's exaggerated," Aidan argues.

Or is it?

"No, it's not," Josh insists. "I mean, you can seemingly deal with it, but I... I can't. I don't know. We are just different, I guess. Maybe it works between Rebecca and you because you are one of a kind after all."

"Yeah, right... _that,"_ Aidan grimaces. He didn't tell anyone yet that Rebecca took off.

"Maybe we should start a date line for monsters, you know? '_Lonely howling to the moon? We can surely find you the right howling partner for intimate times in the woods. Enjoy a star light dinner with raw deer – after the adventure part of the date where you both tear it to shreds. As a special offer we have moss beds, oh yeah, and you will surely enjoy the scavenger hunt for your pants the next morning_'!"

Aidan can't help but laugh again, "Wow, that's... we should do that."

"Right. Hey, maybe Bishop would really take a liking to the idea and leave us alone. '_Vampire searches partner for occasional blood feast. Rendezvous point – some dark alley. As a special offer, blood bags are ready and lukewarm for your use in champagne glasses. If you order now, you can also get a double coffin to have it extra-cozy_'," Josh goes on.

"We could make some serious money with that," Aidan grins. "But now honestly. You don't have to hang around with a werewolf to be with someone. You hang around with a vampire and a ghost, too. You should really go for it... if you like Nora that much."

"But should I seriously start dating someone who's working with me? I mean... if we break up on not too good terms, I'll be cleaning bedpans for the rest of all eternity," Josh argues, now more practically thinking along the lines of what most normal people trouble themselves with when it comes to love.

"That's the risk you'll have to take, I guess," Aidan sighs.

"So you say I should go for it," Josh grimaces.

"Why does it matter what I have to say about it? If you wanna get laid, then get laid. It's your life," Aidan argues, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable. The way Josh puts it, it sounds like he is asking Aidan for, what? Permission?

"I ask you because you're my best friend. Who else would I ask?" Josh replies simply

Who else would he ask?!

Aidan smiles softly, feeling touched by that twisted confession of, well, affection, or at least trust.

And Aidan could always muse at the title as someone's "best friend". It means that you are the number one on someone's list. That you don't come after blood cravings or other people. You are, well, the best. That's nice.

"As your best friend – if you like Nora, go for it. I think you beat yourself up about it enough for the last two years you spent on your own," Aidan tells him, now more seriously, because a part of him is honestly convinced that Josh kept away from love in whatever the form as a sort of punishment. Josh just seems to be that masochistic in that regard. He became something he isn't, which really wasn't his fault, but then he made the decision to leave his loved ones behind – and even if he did it out of love for them, he still blames himself for it and probably thinks that he can't have love when he neglected it before.

"Well, maybe it's just wishful thinking after all. I mean, just coz she doesn't necessarily hate me anymore doesn't mean she'll date me, so maybe it's all for nothing anyways," Josh shrugs.

"With that attitude you'll never have success," Aidan huffs.

"I'm not as self-conscious as you are, I can't help it," Josh argues.

"You don't have to be self-conscious, but at least appreciate yourself. You're a fine guy. You clean and cook – that's what chicks totally dig these days," Aidan smirks.

"I always thought that guys like that about girls," Josh grins.

"TV screwed it up. Now everyone has to be a little Gordon Ramsay," Aidan shrugs. "Believe me, I heard it from the older female nurses – and they always know everything."

"They are like the _Moirai_ from Greek mythology," Josh shudders. "I always fear that when they start to talk about me, I'll just drop dead or something."

"You mean the terrible trio? Yeah, they have the evil eye for sure," Aidan agrees, but then gets up. "Okay, gotta get something to drink."

He walks into the kitchen when Josh calls after him, "Already in the microwave. Should be warm, still."

Aidan makes a face and opens the microwave, just to find his mug readily prepared for him. The vampire frowns before he takes a sip – the temperature should be okay. He walks back, "Why? How?"

"I know what time you're at home. I thought I'd play nice roommate today," Josh shrugs, his eyes already back to the empty picture frame. Aidan joins him wordlessly, sipping his placebo.

Two lovesick idiots, but at least they have each other, right?

* * *

A few weeks later, Aidan is now confronted with lovey-dovey Josh. He finally managed to not only ask Nora out on a date, but also to go on a date with her. After all, the first date was a complete mess – thanks to the vampire not paying attention to Emily, who just showed up after she broke up with Jackie, and Marcus attacked her. Till last Aidan feared that Josh wouldn't ever talk to him again, let alone forgive that he let him down like this.

And that is why he was even more surprised to have him coming back home after Josh said he would stay in Ithaca to be with his family. And honestly, Aidan felt bad for actually feeling... good about this. He feared he had lost his best friend, the one constant, his sober companion, but now he is back. It was tough, but Josh seemingly understood that it was not on purpose and that Aidan would do anything to protect him and his family, even facing Marcus if it came to it.

So now Josh is back in Boston, playing the lovebird with Nora. Aidan doesn't begrudge Josh that bit of happiness. He honestly isn't. He is glad that Josh is finally seeing the upside again after he had to come clean to his family, which surely was more than simply traumatic for him. Yet... Aidan can't help but feel a small pang of jealousy, for two reasons. First of all, he is not as lucky in terms of romantic love lately, or love in general. Yes, he had a moment of parental love when Bernie, the neighbor's kid who bumped into his life. Aidan always liked kids – because they remind him of his son. And only God knows how much he misses that certain laugh, those footsteps, those eyes. And Bernie is really a great boy, so great that he outmatched Rebecca when she came back to him, suddenly wanting to pretend house with him together and Bernie, even though that is what made her take off last time. Aidan sent her away. Rebecca just doesn't get it – that sex-tape of her is proof enough... well, but now Aidan wished he had taken Rebecca's offer of having her back in his life, because he is lonely all over again because Bernie got the wrong DVD. Aidan just wanted to give him the Stooges DVD and he ended up with the vampire-porn, which is surely not PG-13 or 20 or 259. And so that little bud withered before it ever got a chance to bloom, leaving Aidan alone, once again. However, there is the number two, too... and that part sees just how much time Josh spends with Nora now. Aidan knows that this shouldn't come as a surprise. After all, Josh is what he says, "devoted" – and the werewolf didn't lie. He cooks for her and takes on the difficult patients in the hospital for her, full ride. What comes as a surprise, though, is that Aidan... _misses..._ the times when it was just them, watching TV, alone in their home. Because now Aidan is stuck watching TV alone while Josh is out. Funny how things turn around at times. So Aidan has no one, except for Sally.

Maybe Josh was right, just not about himself.

Maybe monsters aren't made for love.

And so Aidan finds himself glancing out the window to see Bernie, if only from a distance.

"Doing the Twilight theme again?" Sally's voice rings out from behind him. Aidan whips his head around to look at her, "I'm not that kind of vampire-stalker, thank you."

"Uh-huh," she snorts.

"I would really like to spend time with him, but... well, it just isn't meant to be," Aidan sighs.

"Well, and then of course you're in a foul mood because our puppy is having all the kinky fun," Sally grins.

"Are you hinting at something, Sally?" Aidan exhales, his eyes already drifting back to Bernie.

"All I'm hinting at is that Josh is... not around... and you're lonely," she grins. Aidan chooses to ignore her. She is just being weird again. That ghost just always has to see drama where there is none. TV definitely screwed her. Sally steps over to him to look at the kid, too.

"Is he getting bullied again?" she exhales.

"Think so," Aidan grimaces. "If only I could help him."

"Kids can be so horrible," Sally shakes her head.

"Damn, this is getting too rough," Aidan grimaces, kneading his knuckles nervously.

"Maybe we should call someone?" Sally suggests.

"Who? His mother? She'll hang up immediately and call police – over to our house," Aidan snorts.

"Should I scare them away?" she offers.

"I might take you up on that," Aidan licks his lips. However, before he can say something else, there is suddenly the screeching of wheels, a thud, a roll, and another thud. The two whip their heads around to see Bernie... on the street... bleeding...

"Oh God," Sally stammers, but Aidan is already rushing outside. That can't be. Can't be. Can't be. No. No. No. Just no.

The vampire only realizes flashes around him. He can feel the gravel biting into his skin like a dull ache, but the more prominent sensation is that of skin that is losing its heat, its warmth. Life.

Everything after the terror painted in red are flashes of light, the sound of sirens and then the lack of sound. Of the steady da-dum-da-dum.

Exitus.

Death.

Aidan lost a child all over again.

And still he tries to bring it back.

Pump. Pump. Pump.

Don't go.

Don't leave.

C'mon! C'mon!

* * *

Josh sits on one of the kitchen stools, pushing his food around, one hand against his forehead, heavily leaning on the arm.

"What's the matter with you?" Sally asks, who is sitting next to him. "I thought you wanted to go on a date with Nora?"

"I can't go on a date with her after... Bernie," Josh argues, shaking his head into his hand. Sally lets out a sigh.

"I haven't seen him at all today," Josh goes on, putting down the fork. "He didn't even come home to sleep or so... and then... I tried to call him, but he is not answering his phone. I don't know where he is."

"He'll resurface," Sally shrugs. "He always does."

Or does he?

"Yeah, but I don't know what trouble he gets himself into while he is grieving. I mean... Bernie... he won't ever come back. It's only a matter of time. I know what it feels like to mourn the loss of someone close to you, but I have no clue what you do when you see a child and... I won't ever know unless he shows up for once."

"Well, it's hard on him. He really likes Bernie," Sally shrugs. "I guess he just needs some time."

"This is about Isaac," Josh says, clasping both hands in front of his face.

"Isaac?" Sally frowns.

"Aidan's son," Josh explains.

"Aidan has a son?" Sally gasps.

"Had. He died... back in Aidan's... _first_ life," Josh tells her. "That's why Aidan likes children so much. They remind him of... Isaac."

"The poor guy," Sally exhales.

"I just don't know what to do. I tried to talk to him, but he didn't say anything. I mean, I want to help, but... but maybe I spent too much time with Nora so that he thinks he can't talk to me," Josh mutters thoughtfully.

"Hey, you couldn't know, and Aidan surely doesn't blame you for it, Josh, now don't be ridiculous," Sally assures him quickly.

Those two are truly co-dependent.

"He helped me through so much... and all I can do is... I don't know, have phantom pains," Josh shakes his head.

"Don't do that to yourself, Josh," Sally argues. "Once he's ready, he'll come talk to you. You're his best friend. I guess he just has to sort himself out."

"What if sorting himself out means sucking someone dry?" Josh argues. "I mean, not that I'd blame him for... for... being close to the edge of that wagon, but... but I would like to help him, just that I don't know how if I don't even know where. We're trying to keep each other human. That is what this household is about. How do I keep him human if he is not here?"

"He'll be okay," Sally assures him. "Aidan is strong. He knows we have his back."

* * *

The music hums.

The drums beat.

Aidan is on the hunt again.

He just has to feel warm again.

Even at the price of humanity.

What is humanity without love anyways?

What a child without life?

Two little snakes roaming around an apple. Pretty girls. Just the right prey for one of the damned.

Fresh blood to counter the one shed on the street.

Aidan doesn't even know what's happening until he is that close to giving in to his dark urges when suddenly there is someone pulling him back.

Josh wouldn't know that he is here, but... no, it's Rebecca.

"You don't wanna do this," she tells him and pushes him away from the girls, from the little snakes. Aidan struggles, yes he wants, yes he needs, but he shouldn't. Mustn't.

But she holds on.

This time, she doesn't let go. She pulls him aside and suddenly this is her again, not that predator who ran away from him, who didn't want to be with him, no, this is Rebecca again, with the soft eyes, the warm eyes. And God knows that this is what Aidan needs now, just as he needs those comforting touches, those hushed little promises that it's not his fault. Aidan would love to drown in this comfort, but something pulls him back.

"You could turn him," comes the suggestion like a stab right in his chest.

No, he can't. He didn't turn Cara. He won't turn Bernie. He can't curse him like that, even if it tears him apart, layer for layer, shred for shred.

For a moment he fears that Rebecca will just go like she did last time, but... but she holds on even tighter, a kiss to the forehead, a gentle gesture, one of care, comfort... love.

Aidan holds on as tight as he can, getting lost in that embrace.

Maybe she can hold the shatters of himself together somehow.

Because she is here.

And that means he is no longer alone in that darkness.

* * *

"... Josh?" Nora's voice resonates inside the werewolf's head, but it takes him at least another two seconds for his brain to process the information.

"What? Uhm, sorry, what did you say?" he asks, shaking his head.

"Is everything okay with you?" she asks hesitantly. Nora noticed in the last few days just how aloof Josh was – and that is beside the aloofness he seems to inherit in general.

"What? Yes, I'm great, I'm... I'm sorry," Josh grimaces, his facial muscles flexing between smile and not smile.

"What's the matter, though? I know that something is not okay, or else you wouldn't be with your head somewhere else," she argues.

"Well, ugh, to be honest... it's about... it's about Aidan," Josh admits. "He is having a really rough time. And I just can't seem to break through to him. He didn't show up for work, _again."_

Josh is honestly at a loss. His friend is only a shadow of himself, so the shadow of a shadow. Josh tries to get through to him, but Aidan either isn't even there to begin with, or if he is home for once, he just says that he can't and won't talk about it. And that is the end of discussion.

"It has to do with the little boy who was brought here after the car accident, right? He was in his room with his mother to talk to her shortly after the boy was brought in," Nora grimaces.

"Yeah, Bernie. Aidan befriended him, so, ugh... yeah, it's tough," Josh replies. "But, ugh, I'm sorry. That is nothing you have to bother with, it's just... I don't know. Want another cup of tea?"

"... sure," Nora grimaces. That just seems to be the thing with Josh. He is kind, generous, talkative, but there is this dark side looming above him, like a mobile, just that lies dangle from it instead of wooden animals, casting shadows over him. And Nora can't shake off the feeling that the same is true for Aidan in some way, too.

Maybe it's the house after all. Maybe it has it's own dark mobile to dangle from the ceiling, creating little shadow monsters on the walls.

* * *

Aidan is pacing, his chest a tight knot. How could this happen?!

How could she do that?!

God, no. That can't be.

Just what can he do?!

"Sally! I'm home!" Josh hollers as he comes inside with a bag of groceries. "I need your opinion about something I want to do for Nora and..."

"Aidan?" Josh's almost yelps at the sight of his friend, which is actually a rare occasion these days. "Aidan! Goodness' sake. I haven't seen you since... what's wrong?"

The werewolf hurries over to the vampire, who is on the verge of tears. Aidan flops down on the window sill. Josh blinks at him.

"Did something happen?" Josh asks tentatively. Aidan just nods his head.

How do you say that?

"What happened, then?" Josh questions.

"... Bernie," Aidan brings out.

"Yeah, I know that you are still grieving his loss," Josh grimaces sympathetically. "But ugh... I mean, we can talk about that, you know?"

At that, Aidan lets out a strangled laughter.

"... okay, I don't see how that was funny, but...," Josh mutters, but that is when Aidan manages to speak up, "It's not about morning him. It's about... about that he's back."

"Okay, now you please tell me that you're not pumped up on blood so that you see things not there... or... or is he a ghost now? Oh please no," Josh rambles nervously.

"He is back. Rebecca, she...," Aidan stammers. He doesn't even have the words for it.

"Rebecca? What did she do?" Josh asks, blinking furiously. He always knew, deep down, that she was bad influence on Aidan, but he honestly hoped that she wouldn't go as far as to do anything with Bernie... whatever that is.

"... she... she turned... Bernie," Aidan brings out, fresh tears welling up his eyes. Josh staggers for a second, holding on to the wall for support, "She... she... brought a child back from... I mean... oh God."

First Cara, now Bernie. Just when does Rebecca learn her lesson?! Just why can't she stop?!

"She did it for me. She thought she was doing me a favor. She saw how I... damn," Aidan shakes his head.

"What do you mean?" Josh brings out.

"I was at a bar and I... she was there and she kept me from pulling something stupid... and... and she comforted me, so I told her about Bernie and...," Aidan's voice breaks.

Josh bites the inside of his cheek. Great, if only he had been there to keep Aidan from doing that. Then this surely wouldn't have happened. And it makes him mad, jealous even, maybe, that Aidan's first address, once again, was Rebecca – and even if it was just by chance that she was there. Still. Josh wants to be there for Aidan through this hardship, but that redhead with fangs just always manages to crawl her way back into Aidan's life and mess with it. Because turning Bernie is truly helping no one. Just what is wrong with that girl? Other than being a vampire, of course?

Josh would like to curse at Aidan for bearing his heart to her, but sees that Aidan is desperate, so he can't really blame him. Instead, he means to focus on what is on hand – and that is Bernie.

Oh God.

"O... okay, so... so... h...," Josh sucks in a deep breath. He wants to throw up right now, so badly. He can already taste the bile on his tongue. The acid.

And it burns, burns deep down.

He knows what he is about to say out loud and that in itself is a sin. "How do we... what do we do to... get... get rid of the... problem?"

"What now?" Aidan stares at him. Get rid of the problem? How can he say that about Bernie?!

"You want to get rid of Bernie?!"

"I don't _want_ that, Aidan, but we have think about what to do. We can't let him walk around like that. We have to do something," Josh insists, though he tries to keep his tone calm and soothing. Aidan looks like a wounded animal in a tight corner. And Josh knows that such animals are likely to strike out of their sheer desperation.

"What? So you expect me to just get out a stake and... and...," Aidan shakes his head disbelievingly.

"Hey, now don't look at me like I'm a kind of monster for thinking about it! Aidan, that kid died!" Josh argues vehemently. "He died. That he is back under the living... that simply mustn't be."

"I will not kill Bernie. You can't ask me for that," Aidan grits his teeth. He hoped that Josh would... he doesn't even know what he hoped Josh would do, but surely he didn't think that his best friend would kindly suggest to commit murder – murder Bernie.

"We have to find a solution, Aidan!" Josh cries out. "Bernie is a child, still. That means he has no impulse control. He will bite the first best person he sees!"

"He didn't drink anyone until now," Aidan insists.

"But it's only a matter of time until, Aidan. You know that as well as me. Bernie would be doomed to live with that impulse for the rest of his life. He will be stuck as a child for the rest of his life. You can't want that for him," Josh argues.

"Rebecca and I could teach him, maybe," Aidan argues, not that he is too believing himself.

But sometimes telling yourself a lie is making it a bit more bearable.

It's mean of course, to just push the guilt over to Josh, but Aidan is drowning, so he can't think about how much water he pushes over into the tank Josh is stuck in. He just has to breathe again.

"Aidan, you will have to leave Boston if you want to hold on to that idea," Josh shakes his head. Aidan can't be serious. He can't just take off like that. What will become of... of their house?

Of him?

"I can find a solution for that," Aidan argues.

Even though he knows he can't.

"What if he runs into his mother, his friends? Hm? How will you explain that he is suddenly alive and walking?! Rebecca disappeared! That's why no one asks! But people saw him. His mother saw him die. You were at his funeral, Aidan. And even if they don't find him, the kid will ask to see them! Bernie still remembers his past life. It's not like he woke up without any memory of what once was. Bernie knows his mom – and he knows his mom is not Rebecca," Josh argues.

"You don't understand that," Aidan hisses.

"I understand that you don't want to let him go. I get that, but you have to understand that this is not the life you should want for Bernie. Because it isn't a life," Josh argues.

"So what? What am I to you? If vampires don't even have a life?" Aidan curses, feeling hurt, deep down.

"Now you're being ridiculous. Of course you have a life, with us," Josh tells him. "But Bernie won't. How will you ever make him understand that he can't see his mother? That she will pass before he will? That he is now supposed to call Rebecca momma? That he has those urges within him to kill? That he mustn't kill when he wants to? You said it yourself. Your curse is the worst. It's because you have to fight it every single day for the rest of your life not to fall off the wagon. Do you seriously want to burden a child with that responsibility?"

"I don't want it, but I can't just go ahead and kill him!" Aidan argues.

"Then, then you, ugh... then I have to... I don't know, we just have to do something! And we have to do it now, before he bites someone!" Josh brings out, fighting the next wave of nausea. He never thought that he would have to talk about child murder – and actually suggest it.

"_You_ won't do anything!" Aidan warns him, suddenly to his feet. "You won't touch him. I take care of it."

"Aidan! I'm here to help you, don't you see that?!" Josh cries out. "Let me help you."

"What? So you hold the stake or the shovel?! It's _my_ damn business! You don't want to have to do with it anyways, so why even pretend, Josh?! Huh?! Huh?! You don't know what it's like to...," Aidan bites his lower lip as his voice breaks, shatters.

"Bernie is not Isaac," Josh says. Aidan has to blink thrice before he can even process it.

"Don't you dare even say his name," Aidan growls in a low voice, pushing against Josh's chest, but the werewolf doesn't bow.

"I say his name. Bernie is _not_ Isaac. This is not about your son. It's not some guilt you have to repay for whatever you think you have to pay for Isaac's death. Bernie is his mother's son. He belongs to this time, he belonged to this life. And that life was over the moment that car hit him. He is not Isaac," Josh tells him, trying to keep his voice leveled. He knows that he is not just walking on thin ice with the statement, he is already breaking through the ice cover into the dark waters of cold and no return. Aidan only very hesitantly told him about Isaac to begin with, and that wasn't much. All Josh knows is that he died, that Aidan loved him, and that he still blames himself for his death. Aidan warned him not to bring it up again – because that is one of the topics he just doesn't want to touch. However, Josh thinks he has to, so that Aidan sees it, understands. He is seemingly getting lost in the idea of Bernie as Isaac. Just that "saving" Bernie won't bring either one back. It won't revive Bernie, make him the funny little kid he used to be, who played "Go Fish" with him, who liked the Stooges. And no matter what happens to Bernie in the present, it won't bring Isaac back. That is what Aidan has to understand, right?

Josh doesn't see the fist coming, and he only feels the pain spreading over his face once he hits the ground with a thud. Aidan stands above him, fist still raised, panting as though he just ran a marathon, eyes wide in shock.

He just punched his best friend. God.

Aidan never thought he could. And Josh didn't either.

The two stare at each other, sadness, fury and shock meshing together into an emotion that words can't even describe.

"I'm sorry, I... I gotta go," Aidan mutters, bowing his head as he hurries out the door.

Just why did he have to mention Isaac?

Josh runs a hand over his face, wincing at the electric shocks it sends up to his brain.

Just why did he have to mention Isaac?

* * *

After a phone call from Rebecca, Aidan quickly makes his way to the motel where she and Bernie are now living, well, housing. He comes inside to find Bernie and her arguing, screaming, shouting, fighting. He wants blood, the good one, the real one, she can't give it to him. She just as the placebo.

Isn't that all too familiar?

Because it turned out that the warnings were true, so Aidan fears. The two bullies who pushed Bernie around when he was still alive, were now found dead, their throats a bleeding mess.

It doesn't take much to put two and two together.

Despair and frustration lie in the air, even stronger than the smell of blood.

Aidan intervenes as Rebecca gets too rough in her "parenting", in her desperate need and want to make this work somehow. She is trying so hard. Too hard. She never should have done what she did. Rebecca became an alpha way too soon. Not that she ever should have, but Rebecca just doesn't know how to do things herself yet. Caring for another novice is just a Herculean task. It was all too soon.

Rebecca was turned too soon, ripped out of her life.

Bernie was too soon ripped out of his life by a car.

And then too soon made a vampire, at too young age.

All too soon, and still too late.

Aidan would have done better keeping a close eye on her, to keep Rebecca from making this fatal mistake. He never should have told her about Bernie, about his pains. He pushed her, unconsciously, but still. He should have seen it coming and prevented it. He should have listened to Josh's warning.

Should have.

It's always so easy to say that in the retrospective.

But Aidan sees it now. Whatever it is that he pictured he might make work with sheer willpower – it doesn't work. And it won't ever. This is no happy family. It's not even a family. It's just three addicts stuck in a room, caged in it. This is no life – and it won't ever be. They won't ever be a family, no matter how much Aidan loves them both.

So he tells her that he takes Bernie out for a walk, and Rebecca agrees. She has to calm down again.

And Aidan has to do what he should have done ever since he looked back in those child's eyes.

He takes him out into the woods, to hunt a deer, he tells him. Sweet little lie.

Back to Mother Nature.

Back to where you should have gone all along, Bernie.

Back to humanity.

It's silent. Just one sound and then silence again. No thud, no screeching of wheels.

A strange kind of peace.

The woods swallow all sound, readily devour it.

The deer scurries away.

Birds fly into a grey sky and disappear.

Sometimes love is simply not enough to make it a life.

Sometimes you show true love by killing it.

Sometimes you keep someone human by granting them their weakness, their mortality.

Sometimes... all love has to die.

* * *

Josh comes home late at night. Ever since his argument with Aidan, he hasn't talked to his best friend. Not that Josh was in the mood to talk anyways. He is not really mad at Aidan for punching him, he really isn't. The werewolf sees that he overstepped a line, or rather stomped on it. He is just sad that he can't help his best friend even in a moment of crisis such as this. Because Aidan just won't let him.

And the new problem? Josh actually bore his heart to Nora about the issue after she saw the bruise on his cheek. Much to his surprise, she got really angry with him because he couldn't go into detail about why Aidan is so distressed or why Josh thinks it's okay that he punched him. She went on about how she doesn't have the feeling she can trust him if he is keeping so many secrets.

So basically, she called it off... maybe. Josh is not too sure yet.

So yeah, maybe a relationship is not that much of a good idea after all.

Isn't that what he feared about all along? That she'd start to ask questions? Questions he can't answer?

That's the thing, seemingly. It always gets complicated after a while – because you have to make choices, and Nora asks him to make choices that he knows he can't make without hurting her or his family, Aidan and Sally. Josh can't just tell Nora about things such as his true nature, or Aidan's, or Bernie's, without endangering them. He can't tell Nora without endangering her.

Monsters really aren't meant to love, seemingly, at least not so close, not so intense.

Monsters seemingly can only love a little at a time, shouldn't get too attached. Then letting it go is not that hurtful, at least for the other.

If you love something, set it free, isn't it?

Josh closes the door behind him, letting out a sigh. He walks into the hallway to catch sight of... Aidan... in the kitchen, face buried in his hands. Josh would like to just go upstairs, but eventually he makes his way into the kitchen. He knows that something is wrong. That something happened. He can feel the ice-cold needles against his skin already. Aidan's facial expression instantly hardens to a mask as he sees his roommate approaching. Josh winces, again, fighting any urge not to run.

But he stays.

"I took care of it," Aidan tells him in a flat voice.

"Bernie?" Josh asks hesitantly. Aidan just looks through him. "I'm sorry."

Aidan blinks a few times, but doesn't comment.

"But it was the right thing to do," Josh says.

"Great," Aidan snorts.

For as long as it was the right thing, it's okay, really?

That you killed a child?

Twice?

"I'm also sorry about the conversation and...," Josh means to say, but Aidan interrupts him, "Don't. Just don't, okay?"

Just leave me alone, Josh. I'm breaking apart, so leave, or else you get caught in the crossfire again.

I don't want to punch you again, but I might.

I'm just in that tight a corner.

Josh licks his lips nervously.

He might get caught in the crossfire again.

Josh would really like to just turn around, go back upstairs and mind his own business.

Just that his business is Aidan's and that Aidan's is his.

Isn't that what family is all about?

"You saved him," Josh whispers.

"I killed a child today," Aidan shakes his head.

"You saved him," Josh insists. "Bernie died back in that hospital, already back when that car hit him. What you saw during the last few days... it was just a shadow, a flicker..."

A nice flicker though, Aidan thinks to himself.

"You did the right thing. And I'm sorry that you had to," Josh says again, putting as much credibility into his words as he can.

"You should better go," Aidan warns him, his voice shaking.

You don't want to see my tears, do you?

Josh sucks in a deep breath before he turns away, but much to the vampire's surprise, no, almost shock, the werewolf doesn't leave the room, but goes to the fridge, gets out a blood bag and pours some of it into Aidan's mug to put in the microwave.

"I would rather be alone now," Aidan tells him, his voice quivering. Josh doesn't say anything, just looks at the microwave until it beeps to get out the mug, walk over to Aidan and hold it out to him.

When Emily was a crying mess after getting bullied, Josh would always prepare her hot chocolate. That always helped her, if only just a tiny bit.

It's the gesture that counts.

The warmth.

That unspoken promise that it will be like that next time, too. That even next time you won't be alone, but will find a bit of warmth handed to you.

Aidan stares at the mug, at the gesture. Josh gives him the placebo, to ease his pain. Josh eventually just puts it down in front of him to take his seat by his side.

The tears come and Aidan can't do anything to hold them back.

He lets go.

And Josh, without holding on, holds on.

Josh is simply there.

He doesn't go away, fights his urge to go away, overcomes it. For his friend.

Josh doesn't try to fix it because he knows he can't.

He simply does what he can do, and that is to offer comfort, give solace.

He stays until the tears dry out – and longer.

He stays through all the pain.


End file.
